He’s Not Dating You, He’s F*cking You

July 20th, 2016

Article Roundup, Casual sex, NEW!


Sheena does not disappoint.


I’d like to disclaim I really don’t care about this hookup at all. I don’t care that he doesn’t like me. I don’t care that he’s emotionally avoidant because he broke up with an ex recently. (I don’t know why he didn’t speak to me after our rendezvous, but that would be my best guess.) I wouldn’t care if he wanted to change things up and go on a date tomorrow. That would be cool, too. I’m a pretty laid-back chick.

Yes. He didn’t speak to you after fucking you because he’s emotionally closed off. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that this woman is a hot mess of crazy.

Let us go through all the post-hookup steps you should take post-hookup to respectfully let your girl know you just want to be casual:

1. Stick around and chat. Maybe have some breakfast.

2. Send your hookup a follow-up text.

3. When you do, let her know it’s OK to leave one or two things at your place.

4. And then, text her again in a couple of days.

All of these are ridiculous You know it. I know it. Basically her advice to men is to treat the woman they casually hook up with like girlfriends or woman that they’re dating.   Sheena wants men to do things that will allow her to a) think that they’re dating and b) tell people they’re dating. That last one is key.

The thing with Sheena (and this is a trait we share) is that she radiates “unavailable.” I’m not sure she really wants a boyfriend.  A real relationship, I think, would scare the pants off of her. That’s why I think she goes for these guys that pick her up in bars, take her home, fuck her, and then leave.  She doesn’t want a deeper connection of a relationship, but she does want the attention a real relationship would provide. And I SO get that.




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10 Responses to “He’s Not Dating You, He’s F*cking You”

  1. mxf Says:

    I clicked. Now I’m sad.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1


    • PGH Gal Says:

      ME TOO! Funny thing is, she mentioned at the beginning that she’s not having casual sex anymore, but blah-excuses-blah. Actually though, it’s pretty easy to do once you mean it. But reading this article also let me know that this isn’t a rational, mature human so none of that matters. Poor woman.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0


    • ATWYSingle Says:

      She really is just a tragic mess. She’s so lacking in self-awareness she borders on delusional. No. Not borders. She is without a doubt delusional. She literally imagines things that aren’t real, which is why she repeatedly gets tossed aside. She’s constantly convincing herself of far fetched scenarios and that she’s single not because men can smell she’s an alcoholic trainwreck a mile away but because she chooses to be. Okay, gurl.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0


      • mxf Says:

        Yeah, I know it’s easy to get close to concern trolling, but it’s not who she sleeps with or doesn’t sleep with or whatever, I don’t care about that. It’s the particular mix of bravado and trying to get a normal amount of love/caring that get to me. Every “rule” is an attempt to get what she won’t even admit she needs, or that lots of of us need. Eat breakfast with me so I know I matter. Text me later so I know I matter. Let me leave traces of myself in your space so I know I matter. It’s heartbreaking and it won’t work. It’s hard for many people to be self-sufficient while also wanting to matter to other people, but reading her attempts to try to control her environment while acting like it’s all based on social norms is pretty bleak.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0


        • ATWYSingle Says:

          It’s the thick dense fog of delusion that she walks around in that I find so disturbing. Like, she’s clearly oblivious tot he fact that she’s an alcoholic, even though her dad is an alcoholic and that she gets drunk regularly, usually alone at a bar, and then ends up making questionable decisions. She romanticizes everything, including a relationship she has with a guy that she’s sure is in love with her but she just can’t love him back; a guy who so obviously only hit her up when he was desperate or drunk that she’s sure just wasn’t ready to be with her, etc. Her brain just weaves these rom com tales. And her loneliness is PALPABLE.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0


        • D. Says:

          Exactly. The thing that comes through loud and clear in her posts is that she really wants the security of love in the sense that she can count on how the other person feels, and that they really do care about her. But at the same time, she pursues situations that are, by definition, not at all about love, and then attempts to draaaaaaaaag them back to something vaguely resembling love, all while feeling frustrated that she can’t get what she wants.

          And the thing is, while it might be interesting to read about someone’s journey from one state of mind (e.g her current one) to another (e.g. her finally figuring out what she wants and working to make that a reality), that’s not what her column is.

          Her column is just another one of these dating columns written by an author who has no real insight into themselves, and can therefore offer little more than the same ol’ trainwreck narrative.

          I mean, Jesus Christ, Sex and the City first aired almost twenty years ago. There is nothing new and interesting about a writer in their 20s or 30s generally making a shambles of their romantic life because they’re too fucked up to get their shit together and yet, apparently, refuse to go to therapy. It’s beyond old hat.

          I expect that the “HOLY SHIT LOOK AT WHAT AN UNAPOLOGETIC TRAINWRECK I AM” style of writing may be starting to fall out of fashion. At least, I hope it is.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1


          • Parenting Says:

            Amy Schumer is an enormous recent hit as the unappologetic alcoholic who desparately looks for love in all the wrong hookups so I doubt that that genre is going away any time soon.

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1


            • D. Says:

              That’s a little different, though. Schumer’s schtick is that she definitely knows and accepts that she’s a trainwreck (hence the movie title…), but it tries ot paint her as likeable in spite of that fact or at least entertaining because she’s a trainwreck.

              People like Sheena, the whole self-confessional-trainwreck crowd, are much more about some mix between denying that they have any problems at all (they’re just free-spirited! You’re just trying to shame them!), or if they accept that they’re a trainwreck, it’s almost like a preemptive acceptance so nobody else can call them that, and they can then dispel the argument without actually addressing the issue in any meaningful way. For an example, just look at Sheena’s attempted hand-waive of the fact that she’s said she won’t do casual sex…and then went and had casual sex. The whole thing is an attempt to head off any criticism on the issue by acknowledging it in the briefest of possible ways and then hastily moving past it to the real meat of the article, which is her delusional whining. And even the acknowledgement includes excuses and deflections of her own responsibility.

              Schumer, though, knows that the character she’s playing is responsible. She just hopes you’ll find their antics funny and relatable/truthful.

              Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0


  2. D. Says:

    Meh. Sheena’s just a typical confessional train wreck of a person, at least in terms of the public persona she presents.

    The levels of cognitive dissonance she exhibits…well, they aren’t really worth delving into much. Her opening refutation of why it’s ok for her to have said “No more casual sex” and then to go on and have casual sex pretty much spells it all out. She’s definitely not cool with casual sex, much as she might want to be.

    But, bottom line, her list is basically bullshit. Most of it is just nonsense that fails to recognize when a guy says “So, casual sex, right?” what he means is “So, we’re gonna have sex…and that’s it, right? Nothing further required, outside of maybe setting up more sex?”

    But the thing with the toothbrush/leaving shit at his place… Wow. She’s fucking DELUSIONAL. Look, people who are just starting to date don’t even do that. You know what they do? If they’re planning a “sleepover,” they bring all that stuff with them, or one of ‘em has a spare toothbrush from their last trip to the dentist. They’re not carving out space in their medicine cabinet for you. That kind of thing only happens pretty much when they’re exclusive. Why? Right. Because they don’t want to have to explain to the NEXT person they bring home to bang whose toothbrush that is, or why there are mens and womens razors in the medicine cabinet.

    I honestly find it hard to believe that there’s even a market for this kind of column anymore. I guess based on the lone “I MAKE MONEY FROM MY HOME” robocomment…there isn’t.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0


  3. Dan Says:

    Why would a guy bother to do these things when he is just looking to fuck, and he just fucked her? In fact, most guys enjoy the fact that they can wham bam without the thank you ma’am and would do it every time if they can get away with it.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 2


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