Here’s the story:
Woman matched with a guy in Tinder. She set up a date for this weekend. They had two mutual connections. She told her friend she matched with him and friend told her he’s married. Friend checked his FB page and saw that his wife had commented on some of his stuff as recently as a week ago. Woman did some Googling and found his Instagram but it was private. The bio on the page linked to his site and that linked to his twitter page. No talk of a wife anywhere. She messaged him back and told him she found out he was married. He unmatched her.
First of all, that guy is an idiot. Hello? Create a dummy Facebook account with a fake last name if you’re going to cheat, stupid. I mean, maybe in the past week they separated? Unlikely, right?
EDITED BECAUSE SO NOT WORTH IT.
I want to say that some people are just very private and intentionally curate their social media to draw a line between their public persona and their real life. In the past few years, I think we’ve become conditioned to believe that sharing is caring and that, if you weren’t open about your private life, you were hiding something. I don’t happen to believe that. However, it’s odd to me when someone has kids or a partner and never mentions them. I’ve come across a number of dating profiles of guys I know personally who make no mention of the fact that they have kids. Sorry, that’s sketchy. I guess the same can be said for spouses and partners.
I think it’s far more common for men to be on the DL about their relationships than women. There’s social proof for a woman to admit and broadcast the fact that she’s in a relationship. She has more to gain. Women are expected to link their identity to their partner’s. Men, on the other hand, get a pass for not including their wives or girlfriends in their public persona. Their assigned more value, likely because it’s assumed that as a single man he’s screwing whomever he wants, whenever he wants. There are reasons that men don’t mention their significant others publicly that have nothing to do with infidelity. It’s not fair to assume that someone who keeps that stuff under wraps is sneaking around. I had a woman attend a speeddating event recently. The event was for Ivy League and Advanced Degree singles. She met a guy, then went home and looked him up in the school’s database. She couldn’t find him. She reported him and I contacted him. Turns out he didn’t give her his real last name. In fact, he never gave her a last name. All she had was an email address. I see people – men and women – sign up for events using initials or completely different names than what’s on their credit card. They can’t all be up to no good. Sometimes people are just really cautious. That includes men.
The ease in which you and others can uncover information about people they meet online or on these apps is kind of frightening. It’s like Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, only all you need is a last name. This page links to this page which links to this page. Your first name and various key words from your bio can pull up all kinds of information.
The thing to remember is that there’s always a work around for the cheaters and people up to no good. They can create a second Facebook page that lists a last name. They can have multiple dummy email addresses and burner phones. See, the things we use to protect us from people like this are the very things used by people like this to deceive others.