Question: Please, be tactful with your response. I went on a first date (probably last) with someone I met online. I thought it was fabulous. Conversation was intellectually stimulating, and the guy really seemed interested in me, and even smitten. He asked me if I was seeing someone and what I was looking for. In his profile he had said he wanted a committed relationship, so I felt encouraged to say I was looking for that too, and I was very candid with my answer. He said he wanted to see me again. After dinner, we went for a stroll, and he asked me if he could kiss me. I’ve never kissed anyone on a first date. But I liked him a lot, and he seemed sincere. We kissed on the lips. We kept talking and then he walked me to the station. He kissed me again when we said goodbye. I sent him a thank-you text on the train, and he replied he had enjoyed himself as well. I read his last text the following morning, and I replied. And he has gone radio-silent ever since. And I do have a strong hunch he won’t ever contact me back. Where did I go wrong? Am I an easy woman for letting him kiss me on the lips? The text? I am 41 and he’s over 50. Maybe he wasn’t smitten after all, and he was just under the influence of two drinks? Sorry, it is what it is. Some people can still be innocent at an advanced age.
I doubt you did anything wrong. This is the nature of online dating. When he was in the moment, he wanted to see you again. Ish. He wanted-ish to see you again. Then he got home and hopped online and, well, you know the rest. Unfortunately he probably wasn’t as into you as you were into him.
I don’t know when this date occurred, but it could be that he just hasn’t gotten around to asking you out again. Though, I have to say the fact that he didn’t set up a second date at the end of the first or mention a second date in that text exchange is – to me – a bad sign.
I’d write this guy off. Your story is a common one: a date goes swimmingly, an interest in getting together again is expressed, and then POOF! I’m sorry to say that this is a universal and common experience. It is part of the reason why people are so frustrated and burnt out by digital dating. I’ve said this once before: at this point people need to go out on three or four dates before they can begin to relax.