Dear Dudes: Nobody Asked For Your Opinion On Our Bodies

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Here’s an article making the rounds on Facebook

http://www.littlethings.com/michelle-tinder-date-text/

 

From the article:

Michelle went home excited about her date. She could tell it was successful and that the two had pretty good chemistry.

But the next day, Michelle was stunned when her date from the previous night sent her a text message. She wasn’t stunned by the fact he texted her, I should say, but by what he said.

“Thanks for a wonderful evening last night,” his text began. “I really enjoyed your company and actually adore you. You’re cheeky and funny and just the sort of girl I would love to go out with if only my body and mind would let me. But I fear it won’t.”

’m not going to bull***t you… I f***ing adore you Michelle and I think you’re the prettiest looking girl I’ve ever met. But my mind gets turned on by someone slimmer.

Shallow? It’s not meant to be. It’s the same reaction you get when you read a great author or see an amazing image, or listen to a piece of music you love, it has that instant reaction in you that makes you crave more.

So whilst I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality (and God… I really, really am), I can’t say the same about your figure. So I can sit there and flirt and have the most incredibly fun evening, but I have this awful feeling that when we got undressed my body would let me down. I don’t want that to happen baby.

There are certain triggers that fire my imagination into life and your wit and intelligence are the beginning of that process which would inevitably end up in the bedroom. With just one result….

I’m so disappointed in myself Michelle because I’ve genuinely not felt this way about anyone in ages, but I’m trying to be honest with you without sounding like a total knobhead.

We could be amazing friends, we could flirt and joke and adore each other and… f*** me… I would marry you like a shot if you were a slip of a girl because what you have in that mind of yours is utterly unique, and I really really love it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m trying to avoid bigger pain in the future by telling you now so we don’t have to go through that embarrassment. I’m a man… With all the red hot lusts of a man and all the failings of a man and I’m sure of my own body and its needs.

Please try and forgive me. I adore you xx

The first thing about this cuntrag’s email that makes me ragey is the length. Honest to God, I don’t know what it is about men from the UK, but so many of them are in love with the sound of their own voice. Blah, blah, blah. Me, me, me. I’ve slept with men like this, the kind that write these breathlessly lacking in self-awareness emails thinking they’re doing the right thing by being so brutally honest. I’ve posted said emails to my private blog group, and they can attest to how blissfully unaware guys like this are. Give them an opportunity to talk about themselves and they’ll run with it.

As the woman on the receiving end of this manifesto said in her response to him, this message was completely uncalled for. But somewhere in the recesses of this garbage fire of a human being being’s mind, he felt he just had to be honest with her about why he won’t be seeing her again.

He’d marry her if she were “a slip of a girl?” ORLY? Did she not have photos on her Tinder profile? Even if all she had were shots from the neck up, that alone would tell him she wasn’t “a slip of  a girl.” Did he just forget what she looked like before he met her? I doubt it.

I don’t get it. It sounds like everything was firing on all cylinders with these two. I mean, this guy is positively gushing about how amazing she is… except for those pesky twenty pounds. So what’s the problem? Here’s what I think it is. I think this guy is one of many, many men who prefer to date conventionally slender women because of how it looks. He’s the equivalent of the women who refuse to date a guy shorter than 5′ 9″ “because they like to wear heels lol!” It’s not about attraction, it’s about perception. And nothing is more important to these Shallow Hals and Halles than being paired with someone that enhances their brand. It’s all about their image. Here’s the thing: he is attracted to her. I think he means every effusive word in this self-important missive. He just can’t bring himself to date her because what would his mates at the pub think?

I know my body is a big (lol! get it?) reason why I have so much trouble on apps and dating sites. Trust me. I KNOW. I don’t need anybody to point that out to me. Trust me. We know when a guy will pass us by because of our bodies. Maybe he stealthy posts a photo of him with one of his slim female friends. Or maybe he yaps about how he wants someone “fit” or “who takes care of herself.” Sincerely…we know. We know because there are plenty of men out there who think nothing of telling us – in one way or another – we’re not good enough. And why do they do that? Because those (usually white) guys think they represent all men. It doesn’t occur to them that plenty of men – men of all ethnicities and races – desire women with bodies like mine. No, see, only their opinion counts. And as such, their opinions must be heard!

coughcoughwhitemaleprivilegecoughcough

From her response:

You may think are all my profile pictures are “FGASs” (That’s Fat Girl Angle Shots — pictures from angles that slim and flatter the girl. Because men only ever use candid, brutally-lit, unfiltered pics). But I think they’re a fair representation. And I’m pretty upfront about who I am: I describe myself as a woman who loves pizza, and include links to my Instagram page, where I have the #everybodysready bikini shots I took on my 30th birthday.

I like to think I come across as a confident, happy woman. But could this be the very reason you have targeted me? Did you see me and think “She has far too high an opinion of herself, she needs bringing down a peg or two?” I have to ask — we all know the internet is a dangerous place to be a woman with opinions (I discovered this firsthand when I ventured a response to those obnoxious bloody adverts).

Short answer? Yes, that is why he targeted her. There is something threatening about a woman who isn’t conventionally attractive not caring what other people think. There is a need to take her down a peg. And not just by men. Some women feel threatened by this confidence, too. So I agree with her theory that this guy felt some insane compulsion to embarrass her with this email. Why? Because he was attracted to her and hated himself for not being secure enough to continue dating her. She was an easy target.

That’s all I got. This guy’s email drained me.

Thoughts?

AndThatsWhyYoureSingle.com

BuffsandBrainiacs.com

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29 Responses to “Dear Dudes: Nobody Asked For Your Opinion On Our Bodies”

  1. BTownGirl Says:

    “I don’t want that to happen baby.”
    *Full body dry heave*
    I once had a guy say to me, apropos of nothing, “Don’t you ever get ass implants!” Thanks, fool. I took so much petty delight in telling him I couldn’t go out with him because I’m in a relationship…with a plastic surgeon.

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  2. KK Says:

    The guy’s email was just….WHY write to her at all. You’re not into her, then don’t freaking contact her again. It was one freaking date.

    I am just not sure that he was threatened by her confidence. I think it’s that he is so self-important that he thinks his opinion matters.

    I do agree that he probably hated himself for being attracted to her. i also think that if he was so put off by her confidence, he wouldn’t have written to her in the first place. Her pictures are that of someone confident.

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    • BTownGirl Says:

      Mind you, entire paragraphs of this could have been summed up with simply, “I don’t want you to be emotionally decimated if I can’t get a boner with you”. This mofo’s talking like she’s already in luuuurve with him and there is absolutely no way she wouldn’t be interested in pursuing a relationship with him. Pssssh.

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    • ? Says:

      British ? Why am I not surprised. I get these images of the foppy, unctious, insufferable, self important, stuffy, uppity, noxious and pretentious fool that looks suspiciously like Hugh Grant. Sorry to all you Hugh Grant fans out there.

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    • fuzzilla Says:

      I know, right? Guys, gals – if you’re not attracted to someone, fine. That attitude of, “Not only that, but I’m entitled to insult you and treat you like garbage because you’re not skinny” is what makes him a prick.

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  3. Old_Guy Says:

    First you say, “I know my body is a big (lol! get it?) reason why I have so much trouble on apps and dating sites.” Then you say, “…plenty of men – men of all ethnicities and races – desire women with bodies like mine.”

    You contradict yourself. If you’re so desired, then why do you have so much trouble?

    Your fat-girl bitterness shines brightly with these kinds of posts, and it’s not pretty.

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    • ? Says:

      There is a difference between what or who men will fuck and who they will date seriously. I am very slim but 49 years old so om par with some of the bigger gals online.

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  4. em Says:

    geez, this reminds me of the old adage “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” What an unnecessary email/message! A simple “Really enjoyed getting to know you but did not feel the chemistry, good luck” would have been an honest/true but not cruel response. The worst part is, I have to wonder if in his mind this did seem like a thoughtful reply? Like, he’s thinking “at least I didn’t ghost her, women always want to know why”. Ugh.

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    • Selena Says:

      I thought the same thing. As awful as this message was, it came across as though he thought he was being “a nice guy” with such a lengthy explanation of why he was blowing her off. Clueless knobhead.

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      • DrivingMeNutes Says:

        It would make sense if it was an exchange between a Brit and an American woman but, they’re both English here (which also explains why she not only read and enjoyed his wordy missive but REPLIED to it). Brits really need to offer their opinions on stuff. It’s a genuine cultural difference. People should watch Monty Pythons take in the Meaning of Life (grim reaper scene).

        The referenced article is more of an anthropological study than anything else.

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        • Selena Says:

          Did you ever watch the “An Idiot Abroad” series?

          The message Michelle got makes me think of something Karl Pinkerton would write. :)

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  5. Yvonne Says:

    “I’m so disappointed in myself Michelle because I’ve genuinely not felt this way about anyone in ages, but I’m trying to be honest with you without sounding like a total knobhead.”

    There’s so much “buried” hostility in this man’s letter under the guise of “honesty”. He thinks she has a wonderful personality and a beautiful face, but he’s pissed because her body isn’t as slim as he would like. No other reason for him to write such a lengthy and condescending rejection letter.

    He’s saying, “I’m so disappointed in myself…but it’s also you who I’m disappointed in (and pissed at) for not making it easier for me by living up to my (society’s) ideal.”

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    • Bill Says:

      The guy is a total, self-entitled, misogynist f**ktard.

      Don’t give his blatherings a single thought past block/report and “whew, dodged a bullet.”

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  6. mxf Says:

    The body-shaming stuff is hardly worth parsing, it’s so much more about him than her. What I find really grating is all the “I adore you/love you/would marry you” sentiments. I wouldn’t be able to give any weight to anything out of the mouth of someone so ridiculously and patently insincere. I mean, dude, we just met. Fuck off with all that nonsense.

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  7. Eliza Says:

    Read the girl’s reply, it went viral. Good for her! She basically, rose above the situation, and basically shed light on how ignorant this bozo is. A complete and utter idiot who lack self-awareness, in spite of being a father to a daughter no less. Some role model he is. I firmly believe, that some people attempt to step on others…just to make themselves feel better. But nope…doesn’t always work that way. This is a prime example.

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  8. Jesse Says:

    This is only interesting because the article (1) says out loud what every man has said privately, and (2) sums up the great divide between men and women. Woman want to be loved for who they are, you know, like as a person. Men don’t always initially register woman as people, per se. If they are interested in a woman, its generally at a physical level first, then gradually we realize and begin to recognize the qualities of the lady. If you ask any man, he will tell you that at some time he rejected a woman simply because she had cankles, or an odd laugh, too big a mouth or too small of eyes, or ugly hands, or what have you — some other minor and insignificant aspect.

    Woman are amazing in that while the physical aspect of a man will sweeten the deal, its not the most important thing to them. That concept is rather foreign to most men.

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    • bbdawg Says:

      Your post is very honest and great but that is why I will never go on internet dating sites again:

      “Men don’t always initially register woman as people, per se…”.

      That’s exactly why, if you’re looking, as you said, for someone to connect with “as a person” you have to be in situations where you are seen “as a person”. Online dating, by definition, presents people as “things”. No wonder it’s difficult to connect on a deeper level. This is why it’s such a waste of time if you are looking for something that will last. Friends, real life, social situations are healthier and more productive than this.

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      • Jesse Says:

        Thats why woman need to be a little bit cagey, stretch things out, make the man wait. If he gets too involved right away, he’ll inevitably pull back “for air”. This is why many women believe in the friends first approach — it gives the man time to see her as more than a rack with a fine ass and figure out if he likes her or not. Again, if you ask any guy, he will tell you quite often that in situations he has sex right away, he’s thinking of where the escape door is.

        That said, once a guy reaches a certain age, and he realizes he’s screwed around with the feelings of way too many people, he can “simmer down” and enjoy getting to know the woman first and see if there can be a valid connection. Of course, what that certain age is varies with each person.

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    • Dave Says:

      “I’m not saying this to get in good with women, but an occasional blowjob would be nice”. -George Carlin

      I don’t think blanket statements such as “men think this way” or “British people do this” is a very healthy way to have a discussion. Cultural stereotyping aside, there are always, always exceptions. People are individuals, not statistics.

      “Every man”? You must be a deity to have the ability to talk to every man on Earth. There are plenty of guys out there (such as myself) who look for an emotional connection as well as physical and aren’t blinded by our hormones. Check out the Meyers Briggs personality tests…nothing in life is so black and white.

      INFJ, and proud of it!

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      • Parenting Says:

        Exactly. Men arent all Shallow Hals and women arent all Mother Teresa’s. Some women will go on a date with any man who has a title (Doctor, Prince, millionaire) without knowing a damn thing about you. Some women only care about muscles. We are all different.

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      • Jesse Says:

        Were you really confused by my statements? Do you really need Each to be ammended to read ” men, in general'” so that you can understand the point I was discussing?

        So I can’t sat Jews are prone to Taesachs disease or Blacks syckle cell anemia because that would be stereotyping? I don’t think you realize how your way of thinking gets in the way of having a discussion.

        And what does Briggs Myers have to do with what I wrote?

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        • BTownGirl Says:

          *Tay-Sachs

          Kind of grossly inappropriate analogies to use when talking about dating/attraction, no?

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  9. ATWYSingle Says:

    I meant to say this in the original post and forgot. I will bet any amount of money that this guy wrote that self-important missive in the hopes she published it on her blog.

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  10. John Says:

    I will bet any amount of money this girl posted his message and her reply in the hopes her own blog would get recognized. I think this girl is not playing with a full deck.

    Who the heck publishes insults they received? Only someone who wants attention. Everyone is on the receiving end of insults, critiques and rude comments at different points. Whether it be from the dating world, the job world or the social world it is part of life. Maybe you take it to heart and sulk, maybe you give a dig back or maybe you forget it and move on. But you certainly don’t write about it in a blog.

    The guy sent her a private message. He didn’t announce this to the world on his own blog or take out a full page ad. It was private. While douchey, nobody else would know. She knew this would tug on the heart strings of insecure women everywhere.

    This was a topic of conversation at work too. Funny how all the office fatties were the only ones who got so riled up. The in shape women and nearly all the guys didn’t really care.

    She is playing the fat card. She is playing the victim because someone told her she was too fat.

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    • ATWYSingle Says:

      Of course she wanted attention. She’s a blogger. That doesn’t negate or justify his rudeness. Oh good for him that he sent private message containing a few hundred words that demeaning her. I love how you think the “fatties” hair trigger response to this is so different from yours. But then, you’ve proven you hate women so….

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  11. Ben Iyyar Says:

    This guy’s screed was just more of his insufferable narcissism, and way too much of it at that!I have to admit I got about half way through this guy’s tome and I was done. His syrupy selfishness parading as some sort of meaningful thoughtfulness and sensitivity made me almost physically sick. The guy is a selfish child who apparently believed his Mother’s telling him he was the greatest boy on earth and any woman would be tickled pink to have him. Like too many things our Mother’s told us, this one was not true either!

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  12. Dalia Says:

    “I don’t want that to happen baby.”

    If some dude I went on ONE date with called me baby, there’d be a huge problem. I don’t know why this is making the rounds on Facebook again (it appeared a little over a year ago originally), but then, and now, his entire dumb-ass email is null and void as soon as I saw him use the term “Baby.” YOU DON’T KNOW HER LIKE THAT!

    He’s clearly not working with a full deck of cards and nothing this garbage pail human wrote should be taken seriously.

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