Question: i met a guy online we txted for 7 months before we met, (oct to may), he told me we were FWB, but his actions were antithetical to this, the first night we met at my house OK, it was sex and it was great cause when I finally met him, i felt like i already knew him (FIRST MISTAKE), after that he acted so romantic, told me it was going to be a full moon how about the beach night, kept talking about the full moon, sending me pics of the moon he was taking me to the beach he built a fire we had an amazing night, after that he kept sending me random full moon pics, but before all this and during our friendship, we knew everything about each other our txt conversations weren’t just superficial, they were full of personal info about his life my life his kids my daughter, his divorce and settlement, and yes we were intimate too, sexting. we got together a few more times, and the next to last time we met, he wanted to go to the beach for sunset but we missed it and he took me out
to eat and then we went to the beach we were intimate and we went back to my house. everytime he came we just stayed up all night, him pleasing me. the last time we met was a week ago, we went to the ballgame went back to my house where he proceeded to tell me he had absolutely NO feelings for me. why all the romantic stuff? why he drove over 2 hours to see me? why he spent 7 months before he agreed to meet? that night i txt him and i said (paraphrasing) i enjoy our time together and this has nothing to do with that, since we are just friends…i see couples together and i get jealous cause i want that i want someone to stand up for me and catch me if i fall…but i know ill never have that why i don’t know but i keep hope alive. after that, nothing, he just disappeared. i guess i thought he was what he was, funny, sarcastic, romantic and i just thought he liked me but didnt know or want to admit it. all the men i spoke to told me those are bf/gf things, the beach the romance
the moon the pics but i guess i was wrong, anyway, i just thought maybe this seemed different than most Fwb situation, but id like your take. thanks
why all the romantic stuff?
Here’s why none of that matters:
he told me we were FWB
My take is he told you upfront not to expect anything and you ignored that warning. All the other stuff, like the nights on the beach and whatnot? They’re all voided out by his disclaimer that he was only looking for friends with benefits with you.
Why do guys do that? Personally, I think they feel like they have to dress the scenario up a bit to make it feel less transactional. As we’ve discussed before, at least in my experience, men aren’t all that comfortable with a woman who’s just like, “Come on over and let’s fuck.” So they throw in the dignity dinners and walks on the beach just to make it seem a little less sleazy.
but before all this and during our friendship, we knew everything about each other
Yeah, no you didn’t. You knew what he told and that’s it. And please, 7 months of texting is not a friendship. The fact that it took him 7 months to meet you was all you needed to know. If he had really been games to meet you, he would have met you sooner.
why he drove over 2 hours to see me? why he spent 7 months before he agreed to meet?
Because he was low on options. He only engaged you for those 7 months to keep one in the chamber, so to speak. He invested minimal effort (and believe me, it was minimal) to keep you invested. That way, when he’s a little desperate, he can call you and ask you to go out.
In the future, if a man says he’s just looking for an FWB, believe him. He’s not lying or playing coy or afraid to fall for you or whatever garbage you read on ladyblogs. He just wants to have sex occasionally. End of.