Is Monogamy a Thing of The Past?

Name: Judimonogamish
:
Question: Hi Moxy:

Not sure if I have an actual question or just wanted to vent and receive feedback:

Is monogamy becoming a thing of the past?  Most of the people I meet now are either married and looking for something on the side, polyamarous, swingers or in open relationships. I even had a friend ask me if I want to “join” her partner and her in the bedroom. WTH?  Maybe if I were in my 20s and still experimenting I would be more open to some of these lifestyles but come on.. Is it to much to ask to be exclusive?

I am starting to feel like a dating dinosaur. “Where have all the cowboys gone?” Just sign me frustrated female.
Age: 51

 

I think more and more people are coming around to the fact that monogamy is an antiquated social rule that nobody ever agreed to in the first place. So, rather than cheat or have sex with a partner when they’re not all that into sex, they open up their relationships. People were only monogamous because society dictated that monogamy was the only acceptable option. Now that we are moving away from social constructs like marriage,  we are also redefining commitment and exclusivity.

I’ve said this before: emotional intimacy is where it’s at for me. Betray me emotionally, and I’ll never forgive you. Fuck someone else because you get horny? Whatever. We all know that we can lust after someone and then, after we climax, feel nothing for them. Lust and desire is fleeting. So is attraction. Well, attraction isn’t fleeting, per se. It changes as time goes on. What you were initially drawn to often falls down the list. Loyalty, devotion, honor, respect-these are things that grow and develop and deepen over time. So, the idea of a guy wanting to get off with someone who isn’t me doesn’t bother me. Sex is tres easy to get. Trust? Not so much.  Trust takes time to build. Attraction is instantaneous in most cases.

I think there are still people out there who prefer monogamy. I don’t think this shift will happen overnight. It will take time for  “monogamish” to catch on.

Then there’s the fact that, well, people aren’t committing anymore. Women no longer need marriage,  so there goes that excuse for women to settle down. As a result, men are following suit. Now that it’s (slowly) becoming more acceptable woman to be single after  certain age, men feel entitled to their own piece of the pie. You know, because they’ve so oppressed for so long.

At this point, I honestly believe the only people who get married these days are the ones who have children together, or who want the tax break, or who are in an imaginary competition with their friends. Sure, there are a healthy number of people who get married because they believe in their hearts that they’ve met their forever partner, but I think they are a small percentage of the mix.

Finally, we are living in the age of Too Many Options. Why choose just one when you can pour over profiles and swipe left and right ad finitum? That’s fun, right? I mean, you never know when that perfect man or woman you’ve been dreaming about will appear and you’ll match. In the words of Tinder, “Keep playing!” Dating has become a game, a sport. What people haven’t figured out is that there’s no gold medal for who dates the longest or the most. It’s a bottomless tunnel for most at this point.  It’s a bunch of dogs chasing their tails at this point. They don’t date anyone long enough to commit. Not committing has become the norm.

Not sure if this answers your question or not.

TL;DR version: lower your expectations.

 

Thoughts?

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30 Responses to “Is Monogamy a Thing of The Past?”

  1. Speed Says:

    I’d have to see a large body of statically evidence before I’d agree that “marriage is dying” or “marriage is over” or even “monogamy is over.”

    Time just ran a story predicting that 25% of American Millennials will never marry—a record. But that means that 75% still will. This young, hip, multicultural, educated, internationalist age cohort is still into marriage. Statistically, they are not ditching it as some “relic of the past.” Marriage is tied to thousands of years of Western development, and I really doubt the institution will collapse under the weight of this or that Twitter criticism. Outside the West, marriage seems to be the absolute default.

    Many people with so-called “progressive” or “hyper-progressive” social views or lifestyles may be overrepresented on dating websites. That overrepresentation doesn’t mean “all of America” or “most of America” or even “much of America” is into the poly, swinging, open-marriage/relationship lifestyle.

    Some people tout “Europe as America’s lifestyle progressive future” but anyone who’s spent any time in Europe can see that it’s not just one big open-relationship love fest. Sweden’s 2015 marriage rate was something like 44%, if I recall, and if you count cohabitating couples (with or without children), the rate rises to something like 70%. If you travel to Eastern Europe, marriage seems to be the absolute default. And I won’t even mention the non-West. We shouldn’t extrapolate the Manhattan/LA lifestyle as some sort of global pattern.

    But even if America were in fact morphing into some sort of swinger’s paradise, it doesn’t mean that everyone has to follow suit.

    I will say, however, that people should think very carefully about whether marriage/monogamy is truly right for them. If you do get married, you also have to brace for the very likely outcome of your spouse cheating on you (either once or serially), regardless of whether you “catch” them or not. Also, things like your spouse growing old, getting sick, financial troubles, etc.All this X10 if you have kids. Sort of common sense from the past but nowadays we seem to have forgotten on that, and (like teenagers) we bet our entire marriage/relationship longevity on the fact that we “love” our partner (today).

    I would agree that as Americans we are overdue for a dose of realism on marriage/monogamy, but not cynicism or fatalism.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 51 Thumb down 2

    • DrivingMeNutes Says:

      Agree that this is insufficient evidence of a trend. Granted there is definitely a trend toward more liberal attitudes in general but Moxie is writing from her tower in downtown Gomorrah. Also, you have to distinguish between a general societal trend and what the OP may be experiencing as a result of who SHE is. In other words, it’s equally plausible that “relationship-minded” men aren’t seeking her out and so she is left with the scoundrels and misfits. To her it appears that’s all that’s out there. Meanwhile, the 20-30 year olds are still getting married. To each other.

      “Finally, we are living in the age of Too Many Options. Why choose just one when you can pour over profiles and swipe left and right…”

      Meh. No such thing as too many options. The online dating age just means you don’t have to stay in a bad relationship anymore just because you lack options. Now there are options. I doubt most people are seriously looking for “perfection.” People who express that out loud are typically trying to make themselves seem more picky to explain “why they are single” and to cover up for other less socially palatable motivations. Or, are otherwise just mentally ill. Or are trying to explain why others don’t want them. Most real-life healthy adults routinely tolerate imperfections in others physical or otherwise.

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      • Bill Says:

        To add to what Speed and DMN said, those who are relationship minded (i.e. monogamy) pair up and drop off of the dating sites and the dating scene… while the open-swinging-poly’s perpetually continue looking for the next hook-up.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 2

    • Chris Says:

      Not sure where you’re getting the idea that “marriage is tied to thousands of years of western development”. Marriage as we know it, including the idea one has to be “faithful”, is a very recent trend when looking at this from a historic perspective.

      In ancient Greece and later ancient Rome, what we now call “bi-sexuality” was the norm.

      Until not very long ago, marriage was based on economic and/or political family-clan type reasoning, not love, being soul-mates, friendship or attraction, and it was then of course the norm to have sex outside of marriage.

      Until late western middle-age, what is now the worst of the worst – sex with children – was pretty much socially acceptable.

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      • AV Says:

        “…the idea one has to be “faithful”, is a very recent trend when looking at this from a historic perspective”

        Not when you consider that most societies had strict rules, both social and legal, that prohibited adultery. Cheating is still heavily frowned upon even in today’s “progressive” America.

        “In ancient Greece and later ancient Rome, what we now call “bi-sexuality” was the norm.”

        That is a gross simplification.

        For one thing, the primary form of that was pederasty, which meant men involved with adolescent boys. Yes, relationships between men existed (and even then mostly in Sparta), but it was not the norm as far as that kind of behavior goes. Secondly, pederasty (and homosexual behavior in general) was mostly found amongst the powerful upper classes. The larger mass of people didn’t practice it, and in some cases pederasty was legally prohibited for the lower classes.

        “Until late western middle-age, what is now the worst of the worst – sex with children – was pretty much socially acceptable.”

        No it wasn’t. Where in the world did you get that idea?

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    • AV Says:

      Marriage is not just tied to Western society, but rather all societies throughout recorded history. You find it not just in highly developed modern societies, but also the most primitive tribal groups.

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  2. D. Says:

    I think a lot of this depends heavily on the circles in which one travels. It’s true that new approaches to commitment and fidelity are cropping up here and there, what with things like polyamory and open relationships and such, but there’s still plenty of people who, if they don’t prefer marriage/monogamy, are extremely uncomfortable with uncommitted relationships and/or “sharing” their partner. They might want to be comfortable with that stuff, but they just…aren’t.

    In a way, you need look no further than the matter of casual dating/sex, especially among women. You have many of the same social and psychological forces at work. External pressures for selecting one partner, hidebound social norms and taboos, expectations about how one “ought” to conduct themselves, and sexist attitudes undergirding much of it. Women can freely choose to sleep with whomever they please. They’re more empowered than ever before to exercise their own sexual autonomy.

    And yet you get bloggers like Sheena Sharma who try to present themselves as totally cool with casual fucking, and so clearly are just…not. Instead, they tend to be deeply uncomfortable with it, but trying to make themselves be cool with it instead of being honest with themselves about what they really want. You can probably google “polyamory articles” and find plenty of pieces (likely most of them on XOJane and such…) about “I Tried Polyamory and It Was a Dismal Failure” or whathaveyou. While some of that can maybe be chalked up to social biases to confirm that the “new” approach doesn’t work as well as the “traditional” one…the stories are still occurring. You still have people trying to adopt “new” and just not being at all ready for it.

    I think what you’ll likely see in the next 20+ years or so is not so much a dramatic decrease in the occurrence of marriage, but rather an increased acceptance of alternate approaches to relationships and a normalization of those alternatives. That will, of course, come with more occurrence, but it’s not like marriage is going to become a thing that kids only read about in history books in that timeframe.

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  3. Yvonne Says:

    The fact that the OP is 51 doesn’t surprise me. If you’ve been with your partner for 20-30 years, the harsh reality is that sustaining a level of attraction over many years becomes more difficult. I’ve had several married friends tell me that you can love someone deeply and not be that sexually attracted to them after a couple of decades or more. Contrary to what you might assume, these couples all look good for their ages, so it’s not a situation where one partner has let himself go.

    Plus, if people got married because they are really so enamored of the idea of lifetime commitment, would the divorce rate be as high as it is? Many people marry because they’re conventional, not committed.

    Of course, many equate a physical betrayal with an emotional one, so that’s where having an affair gets tricky.

    I do agree that the age of endless dating and seemingly infinite options is upon us, at least for those in the OP’s age range, but the people who are into that may be disproportionately represented on dating sites. Most older people I know want to be in relationships (even if their attempts are unsuccessful), because they don’t wish to date endlessly, and most of the ones who are in relationships didn’t meet on a dating site. The younger people I know are mostly married.

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  4. No Disrespect Says:

    You could have fooled me. I just touched my 40s recently, and I still go to a wedding (of people my age range-ish) almost every weekend. Of course, it seems that the same amount are getting divorced after long term marriage too.

    I think the more important question is who is OP targeting? I suspect she may be trying to date younger or even men her age? Because that’s a nonstarter these days… most are dating younger women because they can. If you want a LTR OP, you will have to relax your standards a little bit in the age department… maybe target divorcees/single men in their 60s… even early 70s. They are likely the men that are looking for women in their 50s. And if you are active in any social groups… church, volunteer activities, etc., that would be the place to start to get a conversation going with other likeminded men.

    Online dating sucks for all involved. Good luck.

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    • ? Says:

      Are there still men in their 70s ? Lol. Maybe OP needs to retrain as a nurse. Older men fall into two groups. Those who want conventions relationships will go for younger. As for the rest, they are happy to sex it up with you for the least amount of effort because they are too jaded, cynical, tired, lazy and yes, …..old. The ones with the I can’t be bothered attitude because I’ve been there, done that and I really don’t have the mentality and energy and positivity to give a damn.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 5

  5. AV Says:

    “I think more and more people are coming around to the fact that monogamy is an antiquated social rule that nobody ever agreed to in the first place.”

    It depends where you live. If you live in a hyper-progressive place like New York or Los Angeles, then maybe, but most of the U.S. is not NY/LA and most Americans don’t share those types of beliefs. Most people outside of New York and Los Angeles think marriage is desirable.

    You can imagine what could happen if you take non-monogamy to an extreme degree by looking at the homosexual community and its incredibly high rate of venereal disease. Monogamy and marriage also lead to social stability and cohesion; the larger American black community definitely has problems with those two qualities as evidenced by crime and welfare rates.

    “Fuck someone else because you get horny? Whatever. We all know that we can lust after someone and then, after we climax, feel nothing for them.”

    Yeah we can, but do most people feel that way day in and day out? I doubt it. You would have to be morbidly cynical or extremely antisocial to feel this way on a regular basis. Most people are just not like that. And that raises another question–is that mentally healthy?

    “At this point, I honestly believe the only people who get married these days are…”

    You forgot “religious.” Sure, there are plenty of people who aren’t believers (I’m one of them) but most people ARE believers to at least some extent, and marriage is one of the central tenets of every religion.

    “It’s a bottomless tunnel for most at this point. It’s a bunch of dogs chasing their tails at this point. They don’t date anyone long enough to commit. Not committing has become the norm.”

    Most people in the US get married at least once, so clearly most people desire commitment and place a high value on it.

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    • BTownGirl Says:

      Your third paragraph makes me want to lie down with a cold compress. Where are you getting your facts on gay people and STDs? Also, I’m pretty sure institutionalized racism has caused the black community more problems than the marriage rate. Dear God.

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      • AV Says:

        Well, for one thing there is the Center for Disease Control: http://www.cdc.gov/nchhstp/newsroom/docs/factsheets/std-trends-508.pdf, and a writer quoting earlier CDC data: http://bilerico.lgbtqnation.com/2010/03/us_gay_mens_astonishing_hivstd_rates.php

        If you’re willing to take the time to sift through the data in the large pdf you can download here: http://www.icpsr.umich.edu/icpsrweb/NACJD/studies/3666 you’ll see that blacks had a far lower murder rate during the height of Jim Crow and segregation than they do today.

        I’m not trying to turn this into a racial hate-fest by any means, but the data is out there for anybody to read if you’re willing to do so.

        The point is that monogamy and marriage is good for society because it provides social cohesion and stability, and this is borne out by actual facts. These are two examples. They’re very sad and depressing to be sure, but the facts are indisputable.

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        • BTownGirl Says:

          Riiiiiight, but it could just mean that the gay population is much more likely to actually get tested and that’s why the numbers or higher. Either way, if not getting married was the reason, why wouldn’t it be going down now that gay marriage is legal?

          As for the black community, “crime” has very little to do with marriage. More black people are in jail because of spectacularly ridiculous endeavors like The War On Drugs. Minorities aren’t more likely to be incarcerated because of a lower marriage rate, but because of decades upon decades of policies that landed many of their communities with failing school systems and unstable/ dangerous living environments. Marriage can help with poverty, but the fastest growing cohort needing government assistance is actually formerly working-class whites.

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          • Zaire Says:

            Black people (actually people of all demographics) from two parent homes are less likely to get into dealing drugs, gangs, violent crime, and general lawlessness. Marriage provides as stabilizing environment for raising children who will become productive members of society. That becomes exponentially harder when one parent is missing and there isn’t familial or communal support for the single parent. In single parent homes children go without supervision and resources and are more suseptible to getting into illegal activities (drug dealing, petty theft) to occupy their time and get money. There are other institutional problems at work (War on Drugs etc) but they are by no means the only or even most important problem. IMO.

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            • BTownGirl Says:

              But why is one parent missing, though? Perhaps because they’re in jail or dead? I’m not saying marriage isn’t helpful, but to pawn so many of the problems in minority communities off on that is ludicrous. If marriage is such a protective factor why are there scores upon scores of white people in my state (MA) overdosing on heroin? Their parents are married! It’s actually the fault of the pharmaceutical companies lying about the addictive nature of opioid pain medications. How come it HAS to be marriage in the black community? I know some people love to push the narrative of “if only black men would marry their baby mamas”, but it’s a little more complicated than that.

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      • Zaire Says:

        No the above user is correct on both scores. Gay men on average have higher number of sexual partners and have higher STD rates. Part of the reason why gays were hit hardest by HIV/AIDS epidemic is because of higher acceptance of bath house culture and sexual promiscuity (or liberation depending on who you ask). Back then the thinking was there was no risk of pregnancy and the STDs you could contract were curable and otherwise non-life threatening. Even Dan Savage has spoken about this.

        WRT black community. Yes the breakdown of the black family structure (70+ out of wedlock birthrate) has been an absolute disaster. Institutional racism certainly has its role but the black community was definitely stronger when the family was intact. Its easier to build wealth and raise children in a two parent home with the guidance of both parents. Think about it the basic building block of a society is the family. Without an intact family unit you can not have a functional community. And I’m a black woman saying this. Not that I need to qualify my statements…

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        • BTownGirl Says:

          So we’re still pushing the old trope that homosexuals are inherently more promiscuous than heterosexuals? Seriously? Please go watch And The Band Played On to see how this was debunked in the 90s. Jesus.

          Why did the black family structure break down though? What happened? Is that the only reason why building wealth as a community wasn’t happening? It just stuns me that you really think so many things that went to shit happened because…people didn’t get married. Do you watch the news or nah?

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          • Zaire Says:

            I read the book so I don’t need to watch the movie. It’s been documented that gay men do have higher number of sex partners thanks heterosexuals with lesbians having the least. You don’t have to like it, it’s the truth.

            The black family structure was most intact right after slavery actually. In that time blacks had a marriage rate higher than whites. The black family structure actually imploded after LBJs Great Society programs and the advent of the welfare state. Which essentially gave the proposition that women can get government assistance if they are single mothers (i.e. No man in the home) thus incentivizing single parent homes and disincentivizing family formation.

            At any rate I’m done with this conversation. You have a habit of lashing out at anyone who doesn’t agree with you without coming up with any fact or anything resembling a cogent argument.

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            • BTownGirl Says:

              Ummmmm, I’m not lashing out at anyone (the only time I suppose you could say I do is when people are outright rude and nasty). You can call me dumb all you want to, but I really don’t understand why you’re blaming the marriage rate rather than racism. I just don’t believe that scores of black people said, “I’d rather have welfare!” Just doesn’t jibe with what I know of the black community. I’ll leave you with this – the war on drugs in DC in the 80’s, scores of black men go to jail for dealing drugs. What happened to their eventual customers, i.e. white people with the disposable income to buy cocaine? Nothing. The vice cops certainly weren’t out scouring Potomac looking for them. I’ll even bet their families are still intact.

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              • BTownGirl Says:

                So, I went back and read what I wrote and I sound like a total asshole. I’m sorry. If I’m being honest, I’ve been upset for days about an incident involving friends of color and it all came out here in a really shitty way. Long story short, to get to my house, you have to go through a little gate area. The guard pretty much just waves all my guests through, except for when a black friend and her fiance come to visit. They have to sit there while he calls my house to “confirm” that they’re invited guests, no matter how many times I’ve spoken with him. It’s been rattling around in my noggin, because I don’t know how to talk to anyone about it without sounding like, “My white ass was so embarrassed! Poor me!”

                Basically, I was a jackass and I’m really sorry.

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  6. michelle Says:

    I think what u are saying is a cop out I am old enough and mature enough to want a monogamous relationship If that is out dateso be d it for the people that don’t like the idea of waking up to the same face and making daily plans do u realize that over 50 has the highest percentage of HIv ,hmmmmm

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    • Selena Says:

      michelle: “do u realize that over 50 has the highest percentage of HIv ,hmmmmm”

      Not HIV michelle, but I’ve read surprising statistics regarding STI’s in general. Weird right?

      Until you think about WHY that might be so. Most women over 50 don’t need birth control, so condoms aren’t something on the weekly grocery list typically. (And men might not think to use them either, hmmm.)

      Add to that, many people in that age bracket who find themselves dating again were in long monogamous relationships without ever contracting an STI and believe same of their partner. Until proven otherwise.

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  7. sandra Says:

    I have yet to see a woman submit a letter here stating ” What is it with all these men wanting commitment? I just want NSA for as long as I can. What is it with these guys?”

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  8. Maria Says:

    I agree with moxie in that there are people who just don’t want to settle down and I think with online dating its making it a bit more socially acceptable to not marry but mostly there is a pressure there even in this day. Maybe not as intense as it uses to be. I think its a good thing and may prevent people who don’t want to settle down with one person from cheating although a lot of times cheating isn’t only about sex. Personally I tried “casual sex” and absolutely hated everything about it. I like being with one person to share life with. I was a single girl for most of my teenage and adult life and while I enjoyed that time I like being in a relationship better. Im not particularly sex driven i enjoy having somebody to care about and who cares about me. I enjoy having somebody ask me and care how my day was. I like havong somebody to talk about my life, and everything in between with. I like making somebody happy and have shared experiences with. All of those things are things that I couldn’t get out of being single and spending so much time alone. I didn’t mope or sit around, I travelled i bought my own place and I did enjoy my life. Being single isn’t that travesty a lot of people make it out to be and most people especially those who thrive on drama or just want to wear a wedding dress should stay single. Im not married but I disagree that I would only do it for taxes or to have kids. I think menIf married is scary and people jump knto it too much but it means something to me, to take vows in front of family and friends and make a commitment. But I also don’t want to push marriage on anyone or give ultimatums. who wants to force marriage on someone? That is how cheating starts.

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  9. Eliza Says:

    From discussions with older people, I feel it’s human nature to not want to be alone, and partner up with someone, whether it leads to marriage is a different question, since that may be based on wanting to build a family and life with someone, legitimately-in the eyes of the court system, for tax purposes, or due to societal pressures. But I don’t see marriage becoming obsolete. We may define marriage differently and extend that idea and make it more “inclusive” to include same-sex marriages. But I believe people gain more by being a couple. Read that it is healthier for men, emotionally and financially…of course, with the RIGHT partner, and not going through divorce obviously. You have that support system, and sounding board and as people get older, they seem to value those qualities even more…life has a different meaning…friendships may diminish in size, and priorities change. As for options – in terms of having this delusion that there are more options due to online dating? Nope…it’s just more accessible…cheating is only a click of a mouse away…made easier with Tinder or Bumble, whatever. These types of sites thrive on creating the illusion of abundance in terms of options.

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  10. Parenting Says:

    I don’t think tax breaks are a reason for marriage. There are few situations where marriage gives you significant tax benefits. I would think there are less disruptive ways to evade paying taxes.

    Its true that marriage is no longer either a financial or social requirement. People are far less likely to settle for someone they would describe only as a “good woman” or a “good provider”. With the long list of requirements that many of us have and the excess of perceived options, finding a marriage partner has become significantly harder. It seems, however, that most people who remain single don’t do so because they don’t value marriage but instead feel that they haven’t met the right person at the right time.

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  11. Noquay Says:

    I’d be interested to know where the OP lives, what’s the age range she’s looking for, what sites she is on. When I was looking on line, in my early 50’s, in approx 5 years of looking, there were a grand total of three poly men, perhaps a fourth of the total who wanted casual, one bi, the rest stating that they’re looking for marriage or an LTR. Most 50-70 men didn’t necessarily want to be married again, having been divorced/widowed, but still wanted monogamy. There’s cultural differences too: In the Northern Midwest (real home), behaviors like cheating/dating around are seriously frowned upon by even the most Liberal factions whereas in the Mountain West, both behaviors, as well as an attitude of non-committal, seem acceptable to many. Most of us Elders, men and women, own our own homes, have our own retirement savings, health insurance, are free of biological clock craziness, have our lives together. Therefore if we marry or partner up, it’s because we freely choose to. I’d stay off free/swipe left and right sites which attract an abundance of bottom feeders, meet folk IRL by going to events reflective of who you are, stay within an appropriate age range, for us, that’s 50’s to 70. Some folk mentioned the fear of having to nursemaid someone older. Debility these days is more a reflection of lifestyle choices and at times, bad luck, than age. I have a 77 year old friend still running marathons, riding mountain bike races vs some students and colleagues decades younger well into heart attack land. I care took a slowly dying obese/alcoholic parent and yep, it’s a long, expensive process, one to be avoided unless duty-bound. If that’s a concern, simply don’t choose folk who don’t take care of themselves.

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    • Selena Says:

      ” Some folk mentioned the fear of having to nursemaid someone older. Debility these days is more a reflection of lifestyle choices and at times, bad luck, than age.”

      Perhaps, but sometimes it is simply age. Skin cancer can be the result of childhood sunburns. Throat cancer can be the result of a long dormant HPV virus. COPD can show up decades after someone quit smoking. Osteoporosis can happen to a woman who exercised and a made sure she ate calcium daily. Macular degeneration can happen to a man who had eyesight perfect enough to qualify as a pilot.

      As a daughter (in her 50’s), I drive my parents (in their 70’s),weekly to doctor appointments because of the above conditions, as well as many check-ups for others. Growing older, the body’s systems breaking down, is a part of natural life – no matter how healthy someone is at a particular age. One can never smoke, never drink or eat to excess, exercise daily, and carefully research and consume the nutrients touted by *experts* in any given year. Still, the human body will eventually start to fail. It is the way it was designed.

      If one wants someone who will help them when THEY need help, their best bet is to be willing to give that help themselves. And not just to a romantic partner, but to other people in their lives as well.

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  12. sandra Says:

    Nowhere in the OP’s letter does she say she is dating online, and she even mentions a friend inviting to a threesome.
    I am not sure why her being 51 means she should accept men 20+ years older, and that somehow a 47 year old man is not available.
    People seem to see that “5” in front of the numbers 0-9 and somehow believe that woman is doomed to in dating.
    Anyway, if she is online I almost guarantee it is OKC. Full to the brim of marrieds, polys, and scammers. Even more than POF ( which is mostly low-income losers, but fewer scammers).

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