An Update

August 30th, 2016

Behind The Blog, NEW!

I’ve decided to take an extended hiatus. A real one. I have to finish about 75 pages of my manuscript in the next 6 weeks and have decided to streamline things as much as possible. That includes closing the comments on all posts that are more than two days old.

I’ll still be writing the protected updates. For those of you that have asked, I only give access to people I know IRL or with whom I’ve developed an online friendship and who have shared their real identity with me. You’re not missing much with those posts. It’s stuff about writing, my family, and the occasional crush. (That’s still a thing for those who have asked. He’s still in the picture.)

That’s it. Enjoy the rest of your summer.

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13 Responses to “An Update”

  1. Nicki Says:

    Hopefully having less distractions helps you to knock out those pages quickly! Good luck!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0


  2. Bethany Says:

    The endless stream of idiotic and misogynistic comments has *got* to be exhausting. Good luck with everything!

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 11 Thumb down 12


    • ATWYSingle Says:

      Yeah, to be perfectly honest, that’s why I closed all the comments. People show up and comment on posts that are two years old and suddenly everyone is flocking to that old post to get into it with the person. And that person is almost always a crazypants or an MRA.

      I’ve got two promising things going on right now and I want to focus on them. This blog has become toxic for me.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 22 Thumb down 10


  3. Mostboringgirl Says:

    Sounds like a good plan. Best of luck to you.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0


  4. It's complicated Says:

    As someone who has read your blog for several years, I will say that I’ll miss you for the time that you’re gone. Why did Gawker have to end at the same time… lol. Well, there’s always OK Cupid and its creeps to keep me company on the internet.

    Good luck on your manuscript.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0


  5. BostonRobin Says:

    Sounds like an excellent plan! I don’t know how you have lasted this long, with so many people basically rehashing issues you have already covered repeatedly. You must feel like you’re talking to your cat with them a lot of the time. Except cats listen better.

    Good luck with the writing and be happy and well :D

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 8


  6. Francesca Says:

    Good luck with the writing! Your wellbeing comes first ^^

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1


  7. Donnie K Says:

    I haven’t commented on this blog in a long time but can’t help but find a certain bit of a higher knee in this post. I’ll admit, I’ve gotten some valuable online dating advice from the pump house here. At the same time I’ve also found some of the advice to be borderline toxic. A prime example, the advice about not sending cold emails. Let’s be real. It doesn’t take more than a few functioning brain cells to realize online dater should be paid and attention to age range and other obvious dating cues. At the same time, operating under the blind assumption that everyone treats online dating sites the same, and that views actually mean something was one of your downfalls. I don’t expect you to ever admit this. In fact they expect you to cling to your whole mantra about research proves this and research proves that. At the same time realize you probably’s dear many men and women in the wrong direction. When it’s all said and done none of this really matters. We will have to find our own way

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 2


    • ATWYSingle Says:

      Admit what? Up until about a year ago, when I contacted men that viewed me, I had a double the response rate than when I just sent out messages to guy’s I found interesting. I think sending cold call messages are a waste, especially now because the flake factor is so high. I stand by that opinion. I don’t give that advice because it’s just my opinion or experience. I’ve done hundreds upon hundreds of profile reviews. Know what my first question is to everybody? “What has your experience been with this profile?” Know what 95% of them say? “I get emails from people I don’t like and never get a response when I message people I do like.” Don’t like that advice? That’s okay. Go do whatever works for you. But the thing is, it doesn’t sound like the cold call approach works for many people here. The women get responses from guy who string them along for a few weeks then blow them off after they have sex. The guys gets dicked around by time wasters. Where’s all the success? Please point me in that direction.

      You know why I stopped doing the profile reviews? Because online dating has made people miserable. It made *me* miserable. I don’t want to deal with that anymore. I don’t know. Maybe it’s the Wellbutrin but I just don’t want to immerse myself in a world full of toxicity and unhappiness.

      I think online dating and apps are a great way to get dates, but this medium is not a way to get relationships. Not anymore.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1


      • DrivingMeNutes Says:

        Wih regard to “cold calling,” the mutual matching apps (eg Tinder) have pretty much eliminated the controversy since you can only contact people with whom you’ve both shown interest. That said, I think as a matter of logic, your odds should be better contacting someone who has viewed you. Kind of like cold calling – but with the Glen Garry leads.

        The only way to a relationship is to start with a date. So, I don’t see how an app that increases your chances of getting a date would somehow also inhibit relationships. I mean, it’s not the “app’s fault” if someone can’t convert a date into something more. You just have more choices…. and so do your dates. What people do with their choices is up to them.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 3


        • ATWYSingle Says:

          I’m sick of people whining about how “bad” that advice is because they never back it up with any evidence that it doesn’t work. Sure, go ahead, send out 25-30 emails a week and get 2-3 responses and maybe end up with a date with one of them. If you have that kind of time, go for it. Based on the letters and comments here, does anybody get the sense that cold calling works any better than not cold calling and focusing on visitors and drawing people to your profile? I don’t.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 2


      • Parenting Says:

        I think online dating and apps are a great way to get dates, but this medium is not a way to get relationships. Not anymore.

        This! I remember tons of people telling me they met their spouse online 10-15 years ago. Today, not so much.

        Everyone is dating online. There’s no longer any stigma about it. People have never had more options and its never been easier to ask for or accept dates. One would think people would be making great connections all over the place, but they aren’t. All the marriages I’ve heard about lately were connections made through work, school, sports activities and extended social circles.

        Seems like anything you can do to identify genuine attraction and filter out the time wasters is a good thing because just keeping as many options open as possible doesn’t seem to be working so well.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0


        • Steve from the city next door Says:

          Based on the people I know in real life and what I hear from them online dating just plain doesn’t work at this point. I can’t think of any one who met their SO via online dating let alone marriage. All the marriages I can think met through school — Oh yeah, one lesbian couple met in a line dancing group.
          I can’t think of anyone I know that is currently participating in online dating.

          The whole dating environment seems pretty toxic for the older crowd (~30 and up)

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0


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