Did She Turn Him Off?


Name: Veronica
Question: Am I too impatience for online dating or is this guy on some straight up BS?  I decided to try online dating back in May.  I’d chatted a bit and exchanged numbers for phone conversation a few times, but nothing ever came of it.  Then I met this guy last month (he’s 48 and I’m 41) and we emailed back and forth for a few days and then started to converse by phone.  According to him, he has a job that requires him to be on call 24/7 (and no his is not the president or what I would call an essential employee of his company).  That was “red flaggish” to me because you really are not available to date if you can be called at any moment and have to report to work within 2 hours.  I decided that I would be flexible and at least meet the guy.  We decided to meet on Saturday the 13th but there was no confirmed place or time.  On the morning of the 13th, he texted at about 10:00 saying, “Just got up.  I’ll call you in an hour or so.”  I informed him that “or so” was not a time.  I
gave him an hour and 15 minutes to call.  When he didn’t, I got dressed and went about my day.  He called at 4:00.  I didn’t answer.  He called over and over and sent many texts and emails apologizing for not being considerate of my time and asked for another chance to prove himself.  I finally accepted his call and told him I would think about it and I did.  I gave him another chance and asked him to set a date and time to meet.  A week went by and we talked and texted but still no firm date and time to meet.  According to him, it’s difficult to schedule in advance because of his job.  I told him that he comes across as a guy who’s already in a relationship and wished him well.  Apparently, this offended him because according to him, I attacked his character and must be jaded and hurt to accuse him of being in a relationship when he told me he was single. Out of the blue on 28th, he called to see what I was doing because he had time to meet that afternoon.  I already had plans for another date and was not going to change my plans, so we didn’t meet. He call Wednesday night and stated that he thought everything over and really would like to meet me and get to know me. We agreed to meet on the 3rd.  On the 2nd, there was no confirmation for a meeting time and place, so I texted to confirm and heard nothing.  At about 10:00 a.m. on the 3rd, I got a text asking what time will you be available to meet.  My question was meet where to do what (I could be ready in 30 minutes to go for coffee.  I may need more time for something else)?  He responded, “I want to see you at some point today but I don’t know if they are going to call me in.”  Again, I informed him that some point is not a time.  See the pattern? Or, is it just me?  I told him, “it must be difficult living your life in limbo around work waiting around for a call that may or may not come.”  I’ll be the first to admit that patience is not one of my virtues.  I’m like pee or get your behind off the pot.  So, at that point I was frustrated and I had had it and told him very nicely that I was moving on and so should he.  He wanted to know, “what happened? what did I do wrong?”  I sighed. Really dude, really?
Age: 41



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13 Responses to “Did She Turn Him Off?”

  1. Malienation Says:

    Don’t bother. He’s either in a relationship with a person, iffy in a relationship with a person and wants to line up a few backups to string along until he decides to move on or that decision gets made for him, or in a relationship with his job and thus too busy to date.

    • Eliza Says:

      I agree…and the person this guy constantly picks up the call from…is the person they are having a relationship with! I hope they are very happy together. Which movie is that from? lol….

      And if in fact he IS actually on call 24/7, and can never commit to a time or date, or plan ahead ever? Then he is not in a situation where he can devote any time or energy in getting to know you. End of story. Move on…onto greener pastures. Truly exhausting, and a time-waster. Who has time to waste on such nonsense.

  2. Bethany Says:

    It doesn’t really matter what his problem is. It’s just not worth pursuing.

  3. It's complicated Says:

    I have dated doctors, lawyers, IT professionals on occasion… those who truly are on call 24/7. And guess what? If they make you a priority, they will have time to at least meet you. Everybody needs to eat and drink. If they have to leave a date because of an emergency, they will.

    He is using his job (or lack of one) as an excuse to string you along. I agree. Block his number and move on. Total time waster.

  4. DL Says:

    Back in high school, I learned that having a gf of convenience was a dick move. Sounds like someone didn’t get the memo 4 decades ago.

  5. Selena Says:

    In your shoes…I think I might question why I put so much effort in trying to meet “Mr. Elusive” over and over when frustrated from his inability to confirm to meet the first time. You let this whole situation go on for 2 weeks? Why?

    I don’t think it matters what his job is. He could be Superman saving the planet twice a day. But if he can’t make the time to meet you, or even confirm meeting up with you?…What do you think you might expect if you actually liked him enough to be in his life? Bah.

  6. fuzzilla Says:

    Yeah, the fact that he’s wishy-washy about locking down a date yet spends a decent amount of effort trying to assure you he’s really interested makes me think married or otherwise taken (i.e., he wants to meet you yet has to do it behind someone else’s back). If I’m wrong, he’s still a flake.

  7. Yvonne Says:

    “That was “red flaggish” to me because you really are not available to date if you can be called at any moment and have to report to work within 2 hours. ”

    I think you had every reason to be suspicious, but still, you continued to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he’s not already married or in a relationship, then he’s very ambivalent about dating or a huge flake. Obviously not what you want. It was exhausting just reading your letter!

    “Apparently, this offended him because according to him, I attacked his character and must be jaded and hurt to accuse him of being in a relationship when he told me he was single.”

    Of course, YOU are the one with the problem, it couldn’t possibly be him. Right.

    Also, if a man wants to meet on a particular day, make sure you have at least a time to meet confirmed, if not also the place. That way, you are not hanging around waiting.

  8. Tinker Says:

    There is no point in telling someone about themselves (‘you sound like you’re in a relationship’ ‘or so isn’t a time’) if you are just going to keep on dropping it and try to meet with them anyway. I’m not surprised he didn’t think he did anything wrong, none of your complaints or accusations were enough to keep you from answering his next text or call.

    That said, of course you were correct to eventually stop entertaining this.

  9. Parenting Says:

    “i want to see you some time today but dont know if they will call me in.”

    I do believe “they” are the wife and kids. Been there done that. He must be one hot piece of arse for you to give him this many chances.

  10. Mark Says:


    There are those who are on call because their job requires it. However, no one is on call to this degree. Except maybe a transplant surgeon.

    If he is straight up (highly unlikely) then why is he even trying to date? Moreover, you seem to have given him more than ample opportunity to make amends.

    If there is something else going on, It isn’t a stretch to take a guess or two, then the same result.

    In any case, don’t bother with this guy anymore. You never met him so you have nothing invested in him. Put him out of your mind.

    Best of luck and hope things improve.

  11. mamajuju Says:

    The streets are filled with men. Run away from this one. He is an energy draining waste of time.

  12. Vicky Says:

    I think you were always bluffing. You were never sincere about putting him in his place or blowing him off. You know he’s flying red flags but you secretly think if you say the right thing or show him you’re “worth” it he will shape up. But a person who really values their time would either not engage with him or blow him off on the first sign of flakiness permanently. He’s not going to see your responses and suddenly think wow now I’m going to treat her right now that she’s called me out. People aren’t like that.

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