Question: I’m not used to dating, I’ve struggled a lot with believing in myself my life and I don’t really date, never had a boyfriend.
I had a date at the weekend and it went well. Met him online and he seems nice.
He asked me out on a second drink for ‘a drink or come to mine for a movie’ – Now I’m not at all bothered about any of those and to be fair if I don’t want to do anything I won’t.
However when we agreed on a second date he asked if I was working the following day – and I said yes.
Everything seemed fine until the day of the date and he got ill and cancelled last minute and tried to reschedule for the weekend.
Do you guys think it could be because he wants one thing?
If I wanted to sleep with him I would have but even at the weekend I’m not sure if its that he wants me to stay over?
I feel like I’m getting mixed vibes and I’m not sure what to do!
I can’t speculate on what his intentions were. I don’t have enough information. I don’t understand why you think you having to work the next day would deter him from getting together with you if, as you suspect, he just wanted sex. If he just wanted sex then you working the next day is an ideal scenario. There would be a built in escape plan for him to leave.
Personally, I don’t like to schedule dates when I know I have an early morning appointment. It ruins the mood. I’ll be thinking about getting enough sleep and getting home, etc. Maybe he would prefer to hang out when there’s less external factors contributing to how the night proceeds?
Here’s the thing: you’re never going to know if a guy just wants sex unless you sleep with him. You could over-think and analyze the situation to death and you’d still never know. You could wait four, five, six dates and then have sex and even then you’re not guaranteed a certain outcome.
You can’t go into every dating situation with the fear that a guy just wants sex. You can assume he wants sex, because most people like sex and want it as much as possible, please and thank you. But you can not determine if he just wants sex until the sex occurs or doesn’t occur. Holding out for a certain amount of dates could and usually does backfire on women, as men know what the woman is doing and bails.
Let’s say you sleep with him, the sex is good, and he blows you off. Who’s the asshole in that scenario? Hint: it’s not you. Yeah, it sucks to be duped but you are in no way responsible for that. That’s on him. If he does disappear, then he did you a favor.
You need to stop placing so much importance on sex and what it means and doesn’t mean. Sex doesn’t truly mean something until you and your partner have developed a significant trust anyway, so the sex you have early in a relationship is more about pleasure determining compatibility than anything else. When deep feelings develop and you’re out of that early-stage sex haze THEN the sex means something.