Stop Thinking Your Guy’s Ex Is A Threat


How to Cope with Running Into Your Partner’s Ex

A few months into dating, my now-husband and I were approached by a tall attractive woman at a comedy club he was playing out of town. This charismatic blonde bombshell sparkled and shined and hugged us both. Not too long after, she cornered me to go on about how my new boyfriend was “just the best!”

“We’re super good, super old friends,” she said. “And I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Yeah, okay, great,” I chirped, unsure of her endgame but melting into a puddle of insecurity. Did she feel protective? Was she trying to make sure I was a worthy person to date? Was she still in love with him and therefore trying to undermine me? Was she simply trying to get in my head because she was insecure, too? It felt like a game of chess. I spent the entire car ride back to New York trying to figure out how I could have played better and avoiding my then-boyfriend. I hadn’t expected his ex to come out of nowhere and threaten my sense of calm. She seemed to want to throw me off balance. It was working.

There’s no point in parsing this essay because Mandy’s  dislike and distrust of other women is well-documented. She’s feeling insecure because of course she is, and so now she and her husband are having yet another discussion about how to tackle this non-problem.

We decided transparency was easiest and most fulfilling when it comes to past romantic entanglements. Over the next few months, we laid out all our hookups, relationships, crushes, flirtations, almost-dates, and texts we still get from people at 4 a.m. that simply say, “’Sup?”...

I’m not the only who thinks this sounds a horrible, very bad, no good idea, right?







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7 Responses to “Stop Thinking Your Guy’s Ex Is A Threat”

  1. KK Says:

    Haha. Oh, Mandy. I do NOT get it with her and her Husband, Comedian Pat Didon – i am surprised she hasnt named bim in this article.

    I remember she wrote a whole article on XOJane about ending all her florty friendships with guys. I just…i dont know if it is that ber relationship with relationships freak me out or if things seem that fucked up with her busband.

    Like. Truly. Ok. Only the people in a relationship know what is going on. However. Pretty much everything sbe bas written about Comedian Pat Dixon truly creeps me out. And everyhing she writes about what they do to make their relationship works seem creepy. Like. Who cares about exes? If he is with you, he is with you. And wbo cares if the ex still loves bim? What matters is how be feels.

    The fact that she has written that he has cheated, that is the fucking problem.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 2


  2. Parenting Says:

    How dare the blonde bomb shell say she’s heard so much about Mandy? That evil monster!

    Spending months rehashing your husbands entire sexual history sounds like an insecurity feeding frenzy.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0


  3. TTFK Says:

    My fiance still occasionally mentions an ex in passing; I’m fine with it and even made friends with her last bf. By the same token, we go dancing and certain women are prone to sit on my lap; she is fine with it because although it’s flirty, we trust each other… And she knows I’m still going home with her :(

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 0 Thumb down 10


  4. ava Says:

    A healthy relationship should make you more confident, not less.
    Mandy was always insecure but her relationship with this guy has turned her into a neurotic woman-hating psycho. Everything about her has degraded since she’s been with him.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0


    • fuzzilla Says:

      Was just gonna say the same thing (well, except I haven’t read/don’t know enough about Mandy’s history to comment in depth). Ex-es CAN be problematic if your boo doesn’t seem over them or there’s baby mama/daddy drama or something. But simply existing? Sheesh, get a grip.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0


  5. Selena Says:

    “Over the next few months, we laid out all our hookups, relationships, crushes, flirtations, almost-dates, and texts we still get from people at 4 a.m. that simply say, “’Sup?”…”

    Yuck. Sounds very tiresome. Especially when you could be doing fun things, having interesting conversations with each other that don’t involve ghosts from past relationships.

    I think it’s natural for previous serious relationships to sometimes get referenced over time…an ex one lived with, an ex one dated for a year +; but every crush, flirtation, never-went-anywhere date or hookup? Who cares? Or perhaps even remembers them all? Or wants to. Pffft.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1


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