Worst Online Dating Advice EVER

I don’t know what trust funder turned dating coach/red pill loser/rapey PUA dude is out there advising people to do this, but it has to stop. I must get at least two of these types of messages a week.

nopeno

Guess what? There is no mistake in my profile. Even if I thought there were, I wouldn’t respond to this guy. Why? Because nothing is more obnoxious than someone playing the “I’ll never telllllll” game.

Obviously, people send emails like the one above or this one below to try and stand out and get a response.

catno

Now, as you can see, I am a delight when I receive messages like this.  It’s bad enough you completely ignore my stated preferences, but you add insult to injury by sending me these lame try hard messages. As I said to the first guy, if you have to trick someone into responding to you, it’s time to re-evaluate.

People using these sites and apps have a low to no tolerance for this sort of thing anymore. There is no grace period. There are no second chances. People who have not caught on to this are going to continue to fail. Remember that window of opportunity to impress someone that I used to talk about? That window slammed shut about six months ago.

When you respond to someone you need to get right to the point. “Hi. Liked your profile. Something something from your profile not a question. Take a look at mine and drop a line back if you’d like to chat and maybe meet up for a drink.”

Boom goes the dynamite.  Stop with the dumb games.  You know what I think when I get messages like these?

“This person has to try hard because nobody is replying to them.”

Thoughts?

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25 Responses to “Worst Online Dating Advice EVER”

  1. Eliza Says:

    Yep..agreed, and the perpetrators know it’s pathetic as well…but continue to go this route. Why? Not sure. It’s not standing out from the rest in a good way–by sending a lame one word “hi” message, and that’s all. That pretty much guarantees being deleted. People take these sites less seriously and don’t have time for the cat and mouse games. And yes, better to be specific about something in a profile, rather than just state “I see we have things in common”! What things?! Eating and sleeping are not common interests.

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    • Donnie K Says:

      The “hi” message is pathetic …. for both men and women. Nothing good ever comes out of replying to the losers that send these.

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  2. BTownGirl Says:

    Uuuuuuugh, I once had a client who tried to flirt with me by….ridiculing my choice of career. I “joked” back that developing a particular app wasn’t exactly doing The Lord’s Work and he looked like he was going to either cry or throw something at me. These gross losers are so pathetic.

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  3. Lucy Says:

    I like your idea for a message. It’s straight to the point. Do you think this would come across well from a woman or would be deemed too forward? Sorry if this is a silly question, just keen to hear points of view on that.

    And I agree. I don’t like the kind of messages where they are clearly baiting you for a response. I prefer when men come across as down to earth and send a message where they make enough effort for you to know they are interested but there’s a degree of informality so it sounds like something they would actually say in real life.

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    • Brad Says:

      Guys are simple creatures and appreciate you getting right to the point. In many cases it moves you right to the front of the line.

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      • EANx Says:

        Almost three years ago, a smoking hottie messages me on Match. We talked, had a gap , went on a date, had a gap and went on another. We’ve now been together over two of the last almost three years but because her online profile pictures were so bad, had she not contacted me, we never would have gotten together.

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    • Donnie K Says:

      “Do you think this would come across well from a woman ….”

      Yes. Nothing is worse then a “hi” message….it screams….LAME

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 3

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      • Donnie K Says:

        I wonder if the knucklehead down voting these will have the guts to sign their name and reply….I doubt it.

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  4. Bree Says:

    “I bet my weekend can beat up your weekend,” is one I kept seeing again and again so I looked it up and found it was indeed one of several suggested PUA style “text game openers.” Psshhh! Here’s a “training” site: http://www.puatraining.com/blog/a-bunch-of-pua-text-openers The pornified images of women splashed all over the site tells you all you need to know about the mentality of men who go for this crap.

    Another one that happens in person sometimes, is a dude wanting to read your palm. It happened once to me during a date with somebody I met online, and also with a client from my job. They both came to the exact same conclusion and I’m sure you can guess what that was. It turned me off, not ON, and lowered my estimation of the men significantly.

    Sadly, none of the men who practice these “techniques” give a shit. Women are a game for them, to be tricked into sex. That’s why the whole concept is summed up as “Game.” Maybe these douche-bro Game sheeple believe if just a few women end up having sex with them (for whatever reason), it’s worth making an ass out of themselves with hundreds of other women.

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  5. trickisnottorespond Says:

    You gave these people satisfaction by responding at all. You gave the situation life. How is it you don’t have the discipline to keep from hitting the response button? Leave it alone. Be cool. Be understated. Nothing bothers freaks like these more than radio silence. C’mon hip city girl, aint u know this by now?

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    • fuzzilla Says:

      I admit I was a little confused – there was the guy’s message, a typed response and then, “Guess what? There is no mistake in my profile. Even if I thought there were, I wouldn’t respond to this guy.” But…you did respond. You showed us your response.

      I get wanting to tell people off, but yeah, it’s just wasting your energy for no reason.

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      • Yvonne Says:

        I always figure that men who resort to PUA stuff are simply desperate. I mean, does anyone over the age of 25 take that bait? Plus, I think there are some angry types who get off on baiting women. Why bother to give them any attention?

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

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  6. mxf Says:

    Mistake-baiting? Cat-coding? Ever-loving palm reading? It is grimly entertaining but the reason dating (or trying to date, I guess) can become such a grind.

    I’d kind of hoped one of the advantages of getting older, as a woman, would be to use my blooming sexual irrelevancy (it’s my bday today! I’m 38 and getting less sexually relevant by the minute!) to escape that nonsense. I guess dealing with it is a permanent “tax” on dating.

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  7. Talljen10 Says:

    I keep getting the “Can I ask you a question?” intro message. And…delete. if you have a question, ask it. Don’t beg for a response. It screams desperation.

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    • Lucy Says:

      Ahh I hate that one. There’s also the “Would you like to chat?” one which I don’t like. I try to give benefit of the doubt but I don’t want to be pulling at straws trying to get a conversation out of them.

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  8. BRM Says:

    What would the ladies consider to be an exciting introduction that would peak your interest?

    If men are getting it wrong no so consistently then what have your positive experiences been?

    Moxie gave one example – I’d love to hear others?

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  9. Richard Says:

    I don’t have much luck on dating websites (or gnerally for that matter!) but I too would be interested in hearing what ladies preferred ‘openers’ for messages are.

    It’s all well and good rubbishing these openers, and yes I agree they’re laughably poor, but some more positive feedback would be appreciated.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 2

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    • K Says:

      I hesitated to respond above, because I get the sense I’m an outlier based on the comments I’m seeing (so take it with a grain of salt). I’m totally fine with a boring, hey how are you/how’s your week/reference to anything in my profile if the guy is attractive to me and his profile seems to be compatible with mine. No carefully crafted message would override that for me. I’m just glad when someone with a normal profile (good pictures, more than 1, and has written a few details about their life) messages me.

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      • Nycgal Says:

        Same here! When on Bumble & the woman has to make the intro, I also go with the usual “how’s your day”, “plans for the weekend?” and any reference I can make to their bio.

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  10. Steve from the city next door Says:

    I think this is a symptom of the current problems in dating and society in general. It is really hard to get people’s attention. The whole meet and date environment looks to me like it has become a game.

    In talking with people I know, for the older crowd (let’s say 27 and above) pursuing is very difficult…the only one who didn’t seem to think so was a lesbian woman living in NYC. The straight men and lesbian women otherwise agreed it was very difficult — online and off — with most having dropped online efforts.

    Sadly, these games might be some of the more effective methods.

    On a side note, a couple of weeks ago at work my team was trying to get support from from another division. The contact didn’t respond to emails (nor did his boss) and calling his listed number got a message to send an email. My boss finally called in a favor from a friend at that work site who dropped by and talked to the guy in person. I guess the support guy gets around 2000 emails a day and ours were just lost in the shuffle — not getting his attention

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  11. BRM Says:

    I agree with Steve. As moxie herself said in a post sometime back “everybody sucks,” to a degree.

    I think society in general is in decline and so is the dating scene in the last decade. Relationships in general seem be on the decline, but I think women have a harder time then men being alone.

    This days relationshi#s have shorter and shorter shelf-lives. I’m not sure what the answer is but the dating / relationship scene is clearly in free fall

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  12. Donnie K Says:

    “Hi. Liked your profile. Something something from your profile not a question. Take a look at mine and drop a line back if you’d like to chat and maybe meet up for a drink.”

    Yes.

    Unfortunately, not everyone shares your common sense, no nonsense approach. Maybe it’s me, but I’ve observed a resurgence in the special snowflake/I need a phone conversation or ongoing messaging mentality resurgence. It’s a shame. At the same time, It could be that I’m experiencing one of those stretches.

    More to the point, I agree, less is more. If a man wants a date with a woman, he should skip the PUA baloney and just ask.

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