Why Hasn’t She Taken Her Profile Down?



Name: xyzed
Question: Hi,

How long should people stay on an online dating site after meeting someone and feeling a strong connection on both sides?

So I met a woman online and we hit it off pretty well on the phone and after meeting for drinks. So for the next 2 weeks we were talking on the phone, txting quite frequently and met for dinner 2x  and went to the movies. I put my search on the online dating site on pause but I could see that she was logging in (almost daily) and she had communicated during our first encounter that she signed up for 1 month on the day I contacted her.

Previously when I have met someone and there is a strong connection on both ends, I have been asked when I am getting off the online site after a week or so. So I have proceeded to stop searching while the relationship unfolds. A few years ago after 1 week of signing up for a 3 months on an online site, I met someone and shortly there after stopped searching because my intention was not to continue “window shopping” for something better.

So is the norm to meet someone online and even though there is a “strong connection”  (on both sides) to continue searching to see if there is something better knowing that it’s a challenge and difficult, at times, to have any sought of connection during your first few encounters?

Age: 51

First things first: you don’t know that she’s searching for someone better. You’re assuming that.

Secondly, you have no idea what she’s doing when she logs on or if she has actually logged on at all.  There are times when  sites and apps show that a user is online and they’re not.  And if they were, it could have been a butt dial situation.

Previously when I have met someone and there is a strong connection on both ends, I have been asked when I am getting off the online site after a week or so.

Uh huh. Are you still with those people? Exactly. Nobody should be springing that question on you after a week of dating or a handful of dates.  If you’ve only had a few dates with someone and you’re already convinced this person is long-term relationship material, that’s a red flag right there. People who think like that just want to be in a relationship. Smart and savvy people know that slow and steady wins the race.

The only thing you can do is stop yourself from checking her profile.  I mean, think about it: this is only a problem because you choose to monitor her site activity. If you cease checking up on her, you won’t know what she’s doing. This is a concern that you are bringing upon yourself.

Is it the norm to keep your profile active for an extended period of time while dating somebody? Yes. Many people don’t do anything with their profiles after meeting someone they like. They just let it sit there until the relationship is solid. Consider this: Okay, so she takes her profile down on that site. What about all the others? Are you going to check all those sites and apps, too? My point is that even if she did take her profile down, you’re never going to know what she’s doing, so why bother worrying? For all you know, she’s logging on to check on you.

This is the risk we all take when we start dating someone. New relationships are never presented to us on a silver platter with a note saying, “This one will work out.” You just have to jump.

If you want to know where you stand, ask her.




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12 Responses to “Why Hasn’t She Taken Her Profile Down?”

  1. DrivingMeNutes Says:

    “feeling a strong connection on both sides”

    Huh? I’m trying to figure out how you are feeling her “strong” feelings. How the hell do you know? The strength of someone’s feelings is reflected in their behavior. The fact that she’s online suggests that she, in fact, doesn’t share your “strong” feelings.

    • ATWYSingle Says:

      Unless you know why she was online you can’t really say that. For almost you kniw, she wasn’t even online. There’s a reason sites send those stupid match emails if you haven’t logged on in awhile. It’s to get you to log on. These sites are designed to keep people single.most, ergo it’s to their benefit to keep people logging on. Alsi, how do you know she wasn’t checking on him and that’s why she was online

      • DrivingMeNutes Says:

        Or maybe an ex-boyfriend hacked into her profile and is sabotaging her dating life?

        You’re using convoluted explanations to explain away evidence that tends to contradict his preferred narrative. Her being online after a few dates is not so improbable and crazy that it needs to be explained away with conspiracy theories. Instead of “we had a strong connection (on both sides, really) so why is she online” it should be “she is still online therefore I should not conclude she yet feels a strong connection.”

        • KK Says:

          Her being online doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel a strong connection too. It might mean he is the only one feeling it. Or she might feel ot too but is online because she is protecting herself. I feel like one of those two things is happening

  2. BRM Says:

    Relationships are not everything they’re cracked up to be, people cheat, manipulate and lose their way in the best relationships for a variety of reasons. Dude, you sound emotionally needy and no women can fill a hole that you can’t fill yourself. You should never be emotionally dependent on another people. I personally would not even consider a relationship serious for the first three months and people’s worst won’t come out till six months. It sounds like you need to be a little more secure.

    The way the dating scene is degenerating LTRS maybe becoming a thing of the past anyway as more people go their own way and single through life with mini relationships from time to time.

  3. Yvonne Says:

    Actually, Moxie is correct. If you are subscribed to Match.com, have elected to receive your “Daily Matches” in your email, and you merely click on the email to open it you are automatically logged on to the site. So even if you haven’t actually logged in, you will show up as being “online now”. That would certainly explain the situation.

    Now whether or not that is what is happening here, or if this woman is in fact, logging onto the site, is anyone’s guess.

    • Steve from the city next door Says:

      Exactly. If the email is opened then it shows as if you had logged in. Her email software might just open it after another email is closed. Or like I used to have, an anti-spam/malware scanner that would scan all emails which would trip it like I had logged in also.

  4. Yvonne Says:

    I also want to agree with Moxie 100% that slow and steady wins the race. Too many people have a false sense of intimacy when it comes to dating. There is no thing as instant intimacy. Slow down, and let time be your ally.

  5. Beta Male Says:

    How does he know she’s still has her profile up unless he still has his profile up.

  6. Selena Says:

    From the letter:

    “Previously when I have met someone and there is a strong connection on both ends, I have been asked when I am getting off the online site after a week or so. So I have proceeded to stop searching while the relationship unfolds.”

    Asking someone when they are getting off an online site after only a week or so, doesn’t sound like letting a relationship unfold. You barely know each other after only a week or so. You have know idea how things will unfold. A high mutual attraction in week one could completely fizzle out by week 6.

    It’s okay to prefer to date one person at a time. It’s best to keep one’s expectations in check though, (and not impose them on the other person) until you know each other better and things have already unfolded to an extent where such a conversation is not going to feel so rushed.

  7. Noquay Says:

    You’ve been seeing one another for two weeks, went to dinner, drinks a few times? That is not a relationship, that is the baby steps in getting to know each other. At this point she should be keeping her options open yet being polite and open to whomever she’s . At this early stage, so should you. I have non paying old profiles on a number of sites and after years, I still get “matches”. If you click on them, even in order to delete them, it counts as a log in. Sites keep putting forward old profiles in order to entice new subscribers, hence the proliferation of on line “ghosts”. There’s no such thing as an “instant relationship”, ergo, stop looking for one.

  8. Mandy Says:

    Taking down/inactivating a online dating profile is akin to agreeing to exclusivity. Until you discuss that you’re not seeing other people, there’s no reason to take down her profile. Some people like to date one person at a time in an effort to find “the one”, others like to date around until they find “the one”. There’s no right way to do it.

    If you and this woman haven’t agreed to be exclusive, then stay out of the rest of her dating life.

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