Question: So I went on a third date with this guy I like but I have a hard time reading. I cannot say I am totally into him, but I would be interested in one or two more dates to make sure. He suggested a place that was a bit pricey. He ordered more things than me. When the bill came, I offered to pay like I always do. Except for the movies in the previous date, he had paid the previous dinners, both at nice restaurants. I really wanted to help out. He accepted my offer, and I was a bit shocked of the price, but I said, “I am glad we are splitting, the full amount is a lot!” I wanted to prove that I am nice and considerate. He said he would have gladly paid for the entire thing.
Anyway, after we left we walked together to the t, and I gave him some candy from my country (I had just come back, and he had texted me while I was away). When we said good-bye, he gave me a tight hug… but then he said “see you around”. I was pretty shocked. He just blew me off!
I sent him a text thanking him for the dinner and the good time, and he replied “you are certainly welcome. I enjoyed your company very much.” I had a bad feeling. Then he sent another text saying he had made it home and thanked me for the candy. At this point I was thinking that this guy was definitely hard to read.
I sent a quick text yesterday, just to test the waters, and he didn’t reply.
As I said, I like him, but I am not crazy about him. But I just wonder if it was a mistake offering to pay my part. Could have he thought I was too interested? Not interested? I just wanted to be considerate. So many times you hear complaints about gold diggers and high-maintenance divas… BTW, he makes way a lot more than me.
Okay. I think there might be a bit of a language barrier both here and on your date. My guess is that it’s as simple as he wasn’t interested in seeing you again so he gladly accepted your offer to help pay. How much he makes is irrelevant. You offered, so suck it up. You’re acting like you did him a favor by offering to help pay a hefty bill, a bill you contributed to by ordering food and drinks for yourself. He had every right to allow you to chip in. He’s not obligated to pay. Saying out loud, “Gosh, I’m glad we’re splitting this because it’s expensive” is bad form. Like, dudes shell out that kind of money all the time. Don’t expect a guy to sympathize for you in that moment.
Your first mistake was thinking you had to prove to this guy that you were nice and considerate by offering to help pay. The fact that you’re a thoughtful human being should come through in other ways. You shouldn’t have to make a grand gesture. Offering to help pay a check on a date is not the way to prove your a good person. However, it is a way to show appreciation. That’s what guys want to see.
He’s not hard to read. He’s just not interested in seeing you again. I doubt it had anything to do with the whole “who pays” saga from earlier in the evening. There’s no need to over-analyze, especially when you weren’t that into him in the first place. You’re only bothered because you pretended to want to help with the bill and he accepted, then said ta-ta. You’re upset because you didn’t get to reject him first. The fact that he did it now has you feeling slighted, which is stupid.