If They Don’t Look Like Their Photos Do You Bail?

This article popped up in my Facebook feed the other day and I thought it might generate some interesting discussion.


So many red flags. SO MANY. But nothing was more suspect than the fact that this guy invited the woman to a high-end steakhouse on a first date without meeting her. (I can’t tell you how eager I am to read all the comments from women bragging how they insist on crackers and coffee on a first date and they ALWAYS offer to pay.)

I’m pretty confident that this guy is a career petty con artist and uses online dating to meet women who will buy him stuff.  HOWEVER…. (you knew that was coming, didn’t you?”)

I’m looking at this woman’s photos on Facebook and I’m like,”How did she NOT know he was a loser?” The douchey front seat of the car selfies; the bathroom selfie of him in a cheap suit; the gym selfie. It’s hard for me to feel sorry for this woman because this guy showed all the signs of being – at the very least – a conceited douche bag. Which brings me to my next point: do you think this woman regularly pulls guys that look like him? (Note: I find him unattractive, but I could see many women swooning over him.) Dating leagues are a thing, folks., and aesthetically he was out of hers. Feel free to hate on me for that.Am I an asshole? Yes. Without question. But I dare you to tell me you didn’t think the same thing when you compared their photos.

I’ll repeat that I think this guy gets buy on the naivete and loneliness of women he meets online. Whether or not he’s a shit bag isn’t up for debate.  That said, I have no idea what photos she used on her dating profile. They may have been recent ones. My next question isn’t about her, specifically, but more of a general inquiry:

If someone shows up to a date and there is a noticeable disparity between how they look in their photos and how they look in real life, do you think that’s enough of  a reason to refuse to pay the check or get up and leave before the date event starts?




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23 Responses to “If They Don’t Look Like Their Photos Do You Bail?”

  1. sandra Says:

    From his photos, I personally find him unattractive, but agree his “type” is out of her league.
    Also, claiming “sports” as a profession and claiming to have a masters degree is a red flag right there.

    • Anonymous Says:

      Well, it could be a master’s on sports physiology or parks and recreation. But anyway, I don’t find him attractive at all. But you can tell they are not a match. The guys seems to be a shallow dude, a player obsessed with his body, and I don’t particularly picture him with a woman like her. I am not sure if it is a “league” thing as I understand it.

      • sandra Says:

        By ” league” I meant different types, not better or worse.
        And yes, I knew someone would mention a master in physiology, sports medicine, blah blah. I just did not buy it from what I saw in the pics and what was stated.

  2. Jeff Smith Says:

    If you are ever is this situation, just ask for separate checks.

    Not sure how you could tell it was a cheap suit from the pic, or where the line between cheap and not cheap is. I get my suits from Macy’s on sale for 300.00, so I guess that’s a cheap suit. But that does not mean I would rip you off. It just means I don’t care that much about suits. (not many ops to wear them in SOFL.)

    In fact, I would have no problem taking a woman on the first date to Mortons and paying. Why? Because it might be just a fun night out, and these days 163.00 is not that much for a fun night out (don’t mean sex by that – these days I think I value a good convo more).

    In fact, now I would consider not letting me pay an indication she’s not all that enthused about me (amiright?). Not necessarily a deal breaker, but unless she indicated otherwise, that what I would think.

    So easy to see red flags after the fact. Often good liars look better than the truth.

  3. UWSGal Says:

    I find this guy extremely attractive in his profile photos, not sure what you guys are talking about. He has a strong jaw, big widely set eyes and a straigh nose, very symmetrical features and he’s ripped to boot! And its kind of baffling to me that he looks nothing like that in the CCTV snapshot – are they even the same person?? Just going by the dating profile pic i’d say they’re pretty closely matched in terms of looks. If I was expecting what’s in the profile and the what in the CCTV shot showed up I’d be super upset, likely would bail.

    • fuzzilla Says:

      Wut, he looks like the same person, it’s just that the dating profile pics are more flattering than the closed circuit TV pics. “Post flattering pics” advice means just that, not “be a hotter and different person.”

      I’m assuming that the first head shot of her was her dating profile and the TV interview pic is more recent. She looks much heavier in the latter. (I was honestly like, “What do you mean he’s out of her league?” and then “…oh” as I scrolled through the pics). But sounds like this guy was a d-bag who was gonna ditch her no matter what she looked like.

      • AC Says:

        (I was honestly like, “What do you mean he’s out of her league?” and then “…oh” as I scrolled through the pics)

        My thoughts exactly. Nevertheless, the red flags were in the profile (not just the pics). The most glaring — his profession — sports.

        Seriously? Let’s say he works a local recreation department. There are choices that make him sound like less of a joker. Were we to believe he plays for the Dodgers.

        What I’m not clear on his why are the police investigating him? While e’s guilty of being a scumbag, I’m not so sure he qualifies as being a petty thief.

        Piece of crap – yes.
        Criminal – I don’t think so.

    • Anonymous Says:

      He looks Jersey Shore. I don´t if this features are symmetric or not. I just see a Jersey Shore dude, West Coast version, I guess. Gah. Not my type, my league, you name it.

    • Timothy Horrigan Says:

      But if you look closer, you see that he says he’s 5 foot 9, which means he’s probably even shorter than that. Normally his height (or lack of height) would have been a deal killer for the unfortunate Diane.

  4. Lisa Says:

    I’m not a fan of the gym selfie pic. That’s usually an instant delete. What he did was douchey. If someone completely misrepresents themselves. I think it’s the ok to turn dinner into drinks. But, I prefer that first anyway just in case it doesn’t go well. If I know there will not be a second date, I insist on paying my half. I always offer either way.

  5. Zaire Says:

    They could go either way based on the POF pictures. But if that interview still is an accurate picture then yes, he was out of her league.

  6. bbdawg Says:

    Yeah the woman is not particularly attractive. The man is not my type at all but I’d see him dating a “younger woman” he meets at his local gym. He is attractive to some people and he is fit, gym rat type (sorry he does look dumb imo & agree with the “Jersey Shore” someone mentioned).

    This guy clearly works out and the woman is not fit or even energetic-looking…it doesn’t look like a lifestyle match at all. She comes off as conservative, he looks like someone who likes to drink and party.

  7. Laura Says:

    It’s obvious they’re not a match based on their profile pictures alone, and by that I don’t mean just the physical appearance but also the general impression, lifestyle, interests and so on. I don’t know how that’s even debatable. He probably gets a kick out of messing with women like that.

    I’ve never met a guy who looked totally unlike the pics he posted. I’m not sure what I would do. If he seemed otherwise nice I think I’d stay to have a drink/coffee at least, but I really don’t know.

    That said, a few times it was clear they used pictures that were overly flattering, to say the least. An example that particulary stands out was a guy who put his body type as “fit” and really looked like that in photos. And while you could see in person that he does work out (broad shoulders, strong arms etc.) he also had quite a bit of a gut, which you couldn’t tell from the pictures. I didn’t mind it that much after all and we had a few fun dates, but I can see why someone wouldn’t be too pleased with something like that.

    And I was actually on the other end of it. I always make sure I have pictures that are both recent and actually representative of me. No one ever had a problem with that, except this one guy. We met and I could see in his eyes the moment he saw me that he was expecting something different. He was totally polite and all, but I knew right from the start it wasn’t going anywhere. I’m still not quite sure what happened there, but I guess that’s always a risk when you’re meeting someone you don’t actually know.

    • Parenting Says:

      I have. Guy probably used a 10 year old picture when he was in shape. He showed up looking older with a huge gut. We are talking at least 60-80 pounds overweight. I didnt see any reason to bail. My time is not so valuable that I needed to cut and run that instant. We had a drink and a nice chat and never saw each other again.

  8. Noquay Says:

    Had this happen numerous times as have we all. Sometimes the discrepancies were so bad Ithe person before me was unrecognizable. When I was on line, my photos were current, not selfies, and reflected who I am. When this occurred, I stuck out the date, thanked the man for a fun evening, later told them we weren’t a match. Done. Most of these are dudes who try and hide that they’re overweight or in poor cardiovascular health. Like the OP, their lifestyle and manner is very different from my highly active, trail-rat self. I live at high altitude which is very unforgiving of lifestyle induced health issues, and some of these dudes have put themselves in danger coming to my area because of severe altitude sickness. Lying about overall health, appearance, life situation, is why I finally just quit dating on line.

  9. Yvonne Says:

    People often look different IRL than in photos. Sometimes they look like their pics, sometimes better, sometimes worse. I’ve met men with big bellies who had listed themselves as “fit” or “slender”, guys who were 10-15 years older than their stated age, guys posting photos that old as well. They are trying to get a foot in the door, and some will push it beyond reasonable bounds, not realizing that they come off looking dishonest.

    But all of that is a separate issue, In this case, this man is a serial con artist who has done this to many women. This tells me that there are numerous women who were willing to go out with him despite his having cheesy pics, and I’m sure he just contacts as many women as possible to see who responds.

    Her profile photo doesn’t appear to show that she’s overweight in real life, but that’s a separate issue. It’s not like this guy wasn’t going to rip her off had she looked exactly like her photos, or had been slender. He may not even be single. And who knows how many other businesses he’s ripped off besides the hair salon?

    Not only that, but Plenty of Fish doesn’t have a reputation for attracting the highest caliber people. This guy is a con man; that automatically relegates him to bottom feeder status no matter what he looks like.

    • fuzzilla Says:

      Yeah, I feel strange saying “ha ha, fattie” (like I have room to talk) when clearly he’s the scumbag, here. But I think Moxie’s thesis is that, had the woman in the story picked up on the “whoa, he’s way out of my league” red flag, she wouldn’t have found herself on such a lousy date (or that she’d be much less likely to, anyway).

  10. Laura Says:

    I think many people have a problem with the concept of “leagues” because it implies that someone is objectively better or worse. But, really, there’s much more to it than physical appearance alone. Two people can be equally attractive, more or less, it doesn’t mean anything if they live clerly incompatible lives. No matter how the other person looks, you should always ask yourself if you REALLY can see yourself with them and vice versa – do you really think they are going to be even remotely serious about you.

    Sometimes I get contacted by those Jersey Shore types and I’m always like “Huh? Shouldn’t he be hitting on girls with duckface bathroom selfies? Does he seriously think we’re a match?”, which of course he doesn’t. He’s just going to hit on everyone and everything that’s even slightly passable and see what sticks. I don’t have time for that. And it’s irrelevant there how he looks and how I look.

  11. Pina Says:

    Maybe he trolls these sites looking for a particular type of woman he thinks would be a good mark.

  12. Dark Sarcasm Says:

    I had to double check the date on this article, because I know I saw this same article either earlier this year or late last year. Daily Mail resorting to republishing old articles of bad online dates and passing them off as new?

  13. JMan Says:

    What the guy did was bad, no doubt.

    However, I don’t see the point in using misleading pictures on dating sites. I’ve met a few women from dating sites that did this and it isn’t doing anyone favors. There’s a fine line between looking your best and flat out misrepresenting yourself. I’ve had quite a few times where a women said she was average or “curvy” then ended up being obese, had a double chin, etc. There was one instance where a girl said she was 5’0 then ended up being 4’4.

    I mean I don’t think anyone should be shamed for their appearance but no one should be guilty for not being attracted to someoene’s real appearance either.

    Appearance isn’t everything, but it still matters to a degree. If you can’t see yourself kissing them let alone having sex with them then it won’t work out.

    • Nia Says:

      Wow, 4’4″ is…pretty much “little person” territory! Also that’s 8 inches–how does someone misjudge their own height by that much?!?
      I think pictures aren’t just about looks objectively (like, oversized, regular, even features, strong jaw, etc etc) it’s *how you present yourself*. Right now I have purple hair with a pink ombre at the ends. You better believe that I’m putting up pictures of me with unnatural hair, because that’s for sure not to everyone’s taste. Also, location matters–is it outdoors? Indoors? Selfie? The Dreaded Car Selfie? Etc.
      There was an article awhile ago on how much people can tell from one single picture on a dating site/app and it’s significant.
      So it’s not just “she’s not hot” and “he is” it’s facial expression, location, dress, body language, hair and makeup choices, and so on.

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