Bye, Bye xoJane – Updated and Public

December 19th, 2016

Article Roundup, NEW!, Uncategorized


I edited this post and made it public.

So, as many of you might have heard, xoJane is no more.

I don’t know exactly what a “fold-in” to InStyle involves, but according to the article no new content for the site will be created after the end of the year.  Apparently Jane is shopping xoJane around to other media entities to try and find a buyer. I wouldn’t count her out. She is Jane Pratt, after all. Personally, I think it’s about time that dumpster fire shuttered its doors. All it did was exploit emotionally unstable women and enable narcissists. After god knows how many scandals no credible writer would allow them to publish their work. As a result their content was mostly comprised of essays written by their commenting community.  Oh, and they also ended up publishing fake essays by fake women. 

I sincerely hope that no other media company buys xoJane unless they plan on cleaning house and getting rid of their incompetent staff of editors. Ever since it was announced that xoJane could be going bye-bye, writers have come out of the woodwork complaining about the shoddy and unethical treatment they experienced at the hands of xoJane editors. Multiple claims that invoices were never paid. Complaints that work was published without the writer signing a contract or without any heads up that their pitch was accepted or approved. Mangled editing jobs that lowered the quality of the essays. Publishing essays that writers had withdrawn from publication due to xoJane’s horrible reputation. Oh, and this:


Dan is xoJane’s Managing Editor. This is why a man does not belong in any kind of management position at a woman’s publication. They’re not invested in the content. Body by Waffle House? Oh, Dan. Silly, shallow, Dan. Then there are the writers that xoJane set up to be abused by their commenters on a weekly basis. xoJane’s business model revolved around exploiting socially stunted and emotionally unstable women. Want proof? Read this:

It Happened to Me: How I Became a First-Person Human Trafficker

xoJane can’t burn to the ground fast enough.

Anyhoo, last night on Twitter people were reminiscing about their time being published on xoJane. One of those people was are old friend Jessica Wakeman. Remember Jessica? The one who married the guy with the expiring visa after dating him for 3 months. (Yes, I said three. I did my research this morning. There was a break up of three weeks or so in there somewhere.) Jessica was waxing poetic about having her work published on xoJane. But then her tweets took a little turn.






Now, let’s get one thing straight. Jessica didn’t leave my Twitter handle out of her tweet because she didn’t want to give me attention. That’s the sort of thing that crazy Simone Grant used to do. (Remember her? Yeah, she got herself into some financial trouble and went off the grid. I doubt she’ll be running around telling people I give blow jobs for a living anymore. If she does, I have plenty of grenades to throw her way.)

Jessica didn’t name me because she wanted to say something nasty about me without any consequences. Unfortunately for her, she’s followed on Twitter by a lot of people who don’t like her. One of them emailed me last night and alerted me to Jessica’s little twitter subtweet rant.

I stand by my opinion that they only got married because her husband’s visa was expiring. Last I checked, that’s the text book definition of a green card marriage. That bitch has written her own narrative for their love story. Being the servicey person that I am, I let Jessica know this.



To be clear: I don’t give a shit what Jessica Wakeman thinks of me, nor do I give an ounce of credence to her claims that she was driven off the internet by nasty commenters or me. She’s blown through 4 different jobs in a  year and a half so I think it’s safe to say there’s a little more to her decision to stop writing about her personal life than haters.  She’s another ladyblogger who tried to jump on the internet harassment train when really she was just fed a heaping dose of honest criticism for being such a twat. LOL. She won. When the best you can claim about your marriage is that it’s been 3 years and the man you sponsored for citizenship hasn’t left you yet, you might want to re-evaluate. So sorry that – three years later – you’re still butt hurt by all of it. Maybe you should ask yourself why that is instead of cruising Twitter looking for attention. 

You might sense that I’m cranky. I was up until 2:30 this morning. I couldn’t sleep. Between my sister, her landlord, and Jessica I was too wired. I’ve agreed to pay a portion of my sister’s rent every month and have to help her pay some back rent. Did I make a mistake taking on the financial burden that is my sister? That’s the thought that’s been rolling around in my head. Did I fuck up? Will this decision fuck up my finances? I know it’s what my Dad would want, and on some level I feel good about it, but I’m nervous.

I woke up at 7am dizzy as a mother  fucker.  That could be connected to the M word or my recent diet change of two protein shakes and one big meal a day.  To make matters worse, I’ve had workers in my apartment all day. That sort of disruption totally throws me off. I just came back from a pedicure and massage, though. They gave me free shea butter hand cream for being a valued customer! That gave me a a nice little jumpstart. I love that place and will never go anywhere else.  A new, more sophisticated salon opened up just a few doors down from them a few weeks ago. Nope. I will always give my little salon my business. They know my name, know how I like my massages, always ask how I’m doing, etc.

Okay. That’s it!

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13 Responses to “Bye, Bye xoJane – Updated and Public”

  1. KK Says:

    To be fair to Jessica Wakeman (which is so close to Jessica Wakefield, which…come on, IS infinitely cooler, if anyone knows what I’m talking about), “green card marriage” used colloquially means “getting married solely for the purpose of getting a green card. Sooo, like, my parents got married so my mom could get a green card, and I always have to clarify that they WWERE dating. It wasn’t JUST a green card marriage.

    I think what is happening is that XOJane is no more.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 2


  2. Bostonette Says:

    They have to be married for a full 5 years for the green card to kick in….Id like to see what happens the day after year 5….

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 11 Thumb down 4


  3. Bree Says:

    Yes, you’ve made a mistake taking on your sister’s rent. Yes, it will fuck up your finances. You know it in your gut, even though it’s what your dad (who is no longer alive, doesn’t exist anymore, is GONE forever) “would want.” It’s why you couldn’t sleep. Sorry if I sound harsh, but families can be tyrannical. Doing something that will please a dead parent is not a good reason to do something that HURTS YOU. A better way to spend money on your sister is commit her to a rehab. If she refuses to go, then NO MONEY. Instead she will remain your financial burden until one of you dies. If I were you I’d put a deadline on this rent support, or conditions, or something to stop it at some point, because it won’t otherwise. You’ve worked too hard to end up saddled with this spoiled woman-brat sister of yours. Let the urge to please your dad go!

    And let this Jessica bitch go, too (I’ve never heard of her, and have zero interest in xojane, as I’m sure most others have. Your site and writing, OTOH, has major appeal)! And stop dating for awhile. Put your energy into reworking this mistake you’ve made with your sister, publishing your book, making money from your dating service, improving your health, and becoming powerful. You are nearly there. I read all this other stuff and it seems like it’s just holding you back.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 27 Thumb down 6


  4. Nia Says:

    I confess, when I first found xojane (a reference from another blog) I was in heaven. This was 2013, I was living in SE Asia and I was lonely and lost. The articles (at the time) were a revelation to me: Kate Conway and Emily McCombs (who I know you detest!) wrote like no other women I was aware of on the internet: raw, funny, brainy, real, intimate. I even liked Cat!

    The site for sure went downhill fast. I remember telling my now ex about a year ago that my two go-to feminist sites were now defunct: xojane and jezebel were wastelands. It’s so disappointing.

    As for Jessica—as the OG Parent Trap movie put it: “[she’ll] punish herself far worse than [you] ever could.” For many years (this confession pains me) I would hook up with “project” men–men who were borderline homeless, who had severe issues, who had no other options. Deep inside I felt that unless I was irreplaceable and offering real, concrete benefits (like, say, a place to sleep) I wouldn’t be loved. I wanted control, I wanted them under my thumb and unable to walk away. I also hooked up with married men or much older men—men who I felt I had “the upper hand” with. I didn’t want a man to be able to ask me to change anything or have a real say in the relationship.

    Enter therapy, time, and maturity. Now I want a man to *choose* me every day and I want a man I can respect and even look up to. It took a lot of time and therapy to get there, though.

    As for the family: I don’t know how much her rent is or what your financial situation is. If you can swing it easily even if your situation changes (say, the Meetup money goes away or investments go south or whatever), I would say go with your heart and only you know what is best for you.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 2


  5. jaclyn Says:

    “I know it’s what my Dad would want, and on some level I feel good about it, but I’m nervous.”

    Your father had the ability to create a trust fund for your sister, and slowly distribute money to her after his death. He chose not to do that.

    Ultimately, you need to look at your own finances and determine if you have the resources to easily support your sister. If that is the case, you can write her a check if you think it would honor your father’s wishes. But I’d hate for you to be stuck in 10 or 20 years because you tried to help your sister. You need to look closely at your own retirement fund, because I have absolutely no idea what the long term prospects are for your business. Will the internet take over and daters rely less and less on people in your industry? Hopefully, you will continue to be successful but there is no guarantee so you need to protect yourself first.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0


    • ATWYSingle Says:

      Your father had the ability to create a trust fund for your sister, and slowly distribute money to her after his death. He chose not to do that.

      No, he didn’t choose that. I’ve said this multiple times, but I’ll say it again: my father thought my step-mother would die first due to her already declining health. Stupid? Reckless? Foolish? You bet. He didn’t want to choose between his kids and his wife, and he played the odds hoping he wouldn’t have to. He never – EVER – would have wanted all his money and properties going to my step-mother because he feared she’d do exactly what she did.

      He most definitely would have had something set up for my sister. There is no question about that. My sisters and I all agreed on that. My sisters and I all believed he would have something in place to ensure she had a place to live. There was no way he was going to allow my older sister to own a million dollar house he sold her for a song without making sure the rest of us were equally compensated. He would never do that. He wouldn’t.

      My father never ever ever would have supported my sister the way he did if he truly believed she was capable of doing it herself. That’s why I laugh when people speculate that I was supported by my father. Nope. My father would never support me because I’m able bodied. I was left the least of all my sisters because when my father did help me, he took it out of my inheritance. He didn’t do that for my other sisters. Shitty? I mean, it hurts, but I get it and in a weird way it made me realize he had way more faith in me than I ever realized.

      It’s a few hundred dollars a month. I can do it. It’s the money I’m contributing to her back rent that is sizeable. It’s also the precedent I’m setting up that makes me uncomfortable. To your second point – you’re right. What if I get sick? What if something happens and I can’t do it anymore? It’s the obligation that’s weighing on me.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 3


      • BTownGirl Says:

        Would one of your other sisters maybe be willing to go halfsies with you? Even though you can easily do it, maybe you might be more comfortable if it wasn’t All Your Problem? It’s juuuuuust a tinge unfair that this is all on you to begin with, so if you can bear the aggravation that’s probably going to go along with proposing that others contribute too, you absolutely should. For what it’s worth, I would do the same in your situation. Have you sat down with a financial advisor recently? A good one can really do a lot to set your mind at ease.

        p.s. You absolutely should take it as a compliment that your Dad helped you less – my Dad was always harder on my older sister when we were younger because she was The Capable One and I was The Hothouse Flower. He had faith in you and that’s a beautiful thing!

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 2


  6. Lisa Says:

    I believe it’s two years to establish residency and five to establish citizenship. The significance Jessica places on making it past the two year mark shows she had (and still has) doubts about the longevity of her marriage.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 7 Thumb down 3


  7. D. Says:

    I only found out about XOJane from this site, but man…what a shitshow that place was. Once in a while there was an interesting article, but it soon became abundantly clear that the site was basically “IT HAPPENED TO ME: Please Validate My Shitty Life Choices!”

    I guess when they figured out they could pay any old person $50 for cringe-worthy content, rather than have a whole stable of talented staff writers, they went that way. But the folks who commented (at least from what I read) knew that the place was turning into garbage, which is why I think they grew increasingly savage and intolerant of people’s bullshit in their comments. At least in some cases. In others, it was just a giant group hug, I suppose, which probably only furthered the whole “validate my choices” thing.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0


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