Man or No Man, You Have a Purpose



I’ve written before about giving up online dating because of the low return on investment. I stated that I’d be focusing more on projects over which I had more control. I eventually dipped my toe back into the OKCupid pool and was met with such resounding rejection that I have once again disabled my accounts on Tinder, OkCupid, and Bumble. It’s been a little over a year since I wrote that post I linked to above and things have only gotten worse. Is it my age? My body type? My pictures? I can’t figure out what it is that is leading me to be ignored and rejected with such vehemence. Adding a line about traveling to Rome or Barcelona made a modest difference, but not enough to keep me plugging away. The real reason I stopped wasn’t the lack of response itself, but how that lack of response made me feel about myself. It made me start believing there was something wrong with me. The beating my self-esteem took wasn’t worth it. READ THE REST HERE



PS – This is a new project I’ve been working on that’s related to the book. I decided to put the URL to good use and slapped this together over the weekend. Please like, share, follow, etc!



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4 Responses to “Man or No Man, You Have a Purpose”

  1. Noquay Says:

    I soooo get it. I bailed on online dating about two years ago, never was on the swipe right/left sites. Most folk in my state want to date others within a 20 mile radius; the nearest other towns are 30+ miles away and dating local isn’t an option. All the sites; match, okc, our time, eharmony, fitness singles, planet earth singles, had very few attractive men with their lives together in my age range (I’m 56) and lots of guys in horrid shape and/or on the edge of financial disaster. Not so much rejection as frustration and disappointment. Decided to give up til I can retire, leave the area. Spending the time staying in shape, paying off debts from caring for my dad, preparing to bail early from my career.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1


  2. AnnieNonymous Says:

    My favorite part of that article is the men in the comments telling the single women how worthless they are, just walking failures.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0


  3. Parenting Says:

    Great write-up and I totally get the dating site burn out. Omg, its an emotional black hole for anyone looking for more than a lot of “dates”.

    I dont fully understand the point of view in the other article. On the one hand its saying its completely my choice to live whatever life I want so dont you pitty my single lifestyle when its so meanigful and fulfilling. On the other hand, it seems to say you are remorseful and looking for ways to cope with being single. I can appreciate that its a complex set of emotions but it comes across as – not sure how to put it – uncommitted maybe. It doesnt say, I may be lonely sometimes but its the price you pay for a life filled with awesomeness in other regards. It says, dont you pitty me even as I pitty myself. Just my impression.

    As a side note. Love the idea for the mag.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0


  4. Altguy Says:

    At the age of 31, I walked into a nightclub as, in my opinion, the sophisticated guy I thought I had become: good career, well paying job, my own place, well-traveled… In short, I was beyond the life of the late teens to late twenties guys in muscle shirts and girls in sleezy club dresses that went to such clubs. Even when I was at their age, I still had a long way to go in establishing myself towards any “adult” direction.

    The only thing missing at that 31 year old moment was that I was still single. I thought that by going to a place like that with more going for me than the vast majority of those at an earlier stage in life, I might stand a chance of being interesting to some young women.

    Guess what happened? I struck out big time, and some guys even made fun of me as being in the wrong pond. After that, I did change my act in subsequent visits to fit in, which worked for a couple more years, but I could only do that for so long.

    I tell this story to suggest something. Certain venues are only suitable for people at certain stages of life, meaning also ages of life.

    That would also mean online dating. Sure some websites claim to cater to an older crowd, but that’s like saying this retro nightclub is for an older crowd. Going to somthing like that will just make you dated.

    Consider that our social networks, path in life, and aspirations after about age 40 are not suited for current online dating sites. We come across as awkward as I did when I walked into that club at the age of 31. Sure one can fake it for a bit, but at some point, it’s just not the right place to be.

    There is no killer app space for people past age 40. This space is ripe for social and entrepreneurial innovation. Until then, the 40+ crowd on these sites will feel awkward and have a demoralizing time.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 5 Thumb down 5


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