The #1 Reason Why You SHOULDN’T Get Married

January 13th, 2017

Commitment, Marriage, NEW!


Name: Judy

Question: I just re united with a distant cousin. Meaning, same grandmother but different grandfather (Dads were half brothers). Each of our parents have passed away, unfortunately. We have had a crush on each other since we were teens. It is not illegal to marry a cousin but people don’t approve of it and my children are very upset. We have a lot of fun together, he is a good man. He now wants to be with me and to be only with me, get married, etc. I am 61 and so sick of the dating scene, and I like him a lot. I want him to slow down as far as how quickly we get married and he understands. We live apart and cannot be together for at least a year, when he retires. This relationship is fun but the fact that he loves me and wants to marry me right after we reunited frightens me. He has been married three times but wants this to be the last time.
Age: 61


I think you’re not in love with him and only want to be with him because you’re sick of dating. That’s not a reason to get married.


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6 Responses to “The #1 Reason Why You SHOULDN’T Get Married”

  1. Bree Says:

    The cousin part is irrelevant. Let your kids pout. It’s not like you’ll be having more kids at your age. The part about him being married three times before and retiring next year IS relevant. What’s his financial situation? Do YOU still work? Is he open to a relationship without being married? What’s the BFD about being married at this age, especially if he’s done it several times already? Is he all religious about living together only if married or is it the financial benefits of marriage he’s after? These are questions I’d ask.

  2. Beta Male Says:

    The two of you want two different things. It looks like he wants marriage, while you want something casual (with him). That’s enough of a reason why you shouldn’t get married.

  3. Nia Says:

    Ooh yeah. Married three times before and he wants “this one” to be his last one? This isn’t a video game or a job hunt!

    See if you can find out what your children are objecting to. Is it this man or just the idea of marrying someone you’re related to, albeit distantly?

    If he’s done some serious soul searching and therapy and can clearly identify what worked and what didn’t and how this is going to be different, great.

    Also, why do you need to get married at this age? It’s not like you’ll have your own children (well, you could adopt I guess?) so the unity and stability of family isn’t a must.
    If you’re tired of dating, be serious with him. You don’t have to marry someone to stop “dating”! Also, just throwing it out there:
    My mom quit dating totally when she was about 57 or so. She had two husbands and that was enough for a lifetime for her. She was tired of the compromise, the effort, the energy, and wanted her freedom to do what she wanted and live how she saw fit.

    This may be sexist but many men at age 60-something want/need “a nurse and a purse”. They’ve lived their whole lives with a wife taking care of them and often don’t really know how to navigate the world without one. Studies show over and over that A) men die earlier than women, and B) married MEN benefit tremendously from marriage. Women do not have the same boost in health and happiness from marriage. Often the opposite.
    Do you want to take care of a man who is entering his twilight years?

    If you’re very much in love, go for it. But it’s going to be hard and challenging, so don’t do it unless you’re crazy about him.

  4. Parenting Says:

    Same grandmother is not a “distant cousin”. But no matter.

    I’m not sure what the question is. Is it that he feels too certain about the relationship too soon?

    If it feels like there is something wrong with him then there is probably something wrong with him. Otherwise, take it as slow as you need and enjoy yourself.

    Honestly, I dont think its such a big deal for a guy in his 60s to have been married 3 times. I’d side eye him if he were in his 30s but 3 marriages in the span of some 45 years seems pretty normal to me.

    • DrivingMeNutes Says:

      You’re quite right. In fact, for my most recent marriage, we modified our vows accordingly: to have and to hold in sickness and health until death do us part OR 15 years, whichever is earlier.

  5. Yvonne Says:

    We don’t know how old he is. If they are both around the same age, 61 is not that old, and both could live for many more years.

    However, you just reunited, and it’s long-distance. What’s the rush about getting married? Doesn’t sound like your guy has spent any time on his own; is that what is motivating him? Tell him you’re not ready yet, and you’ll discuss marriage if and when the time comes. If he doesn’t like it, you’ll know something else is at play here. ‘

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