Why Dating Profiles & Social Media Don’t Mix



Name: Riley
Question: Hi Moxie. I know you’re not that crazy about using Tinder as an online dating platform; but I am mulling over the idea of returning to it, and I have a quick question. What are your thoughts on giving your snapchat username in your Tinder bio? When I’ve used Tinder in the past, many guys have asked me for my snapchat username and I rejected them because I felt like it was too much too soon. I am now wondering, was I being too uptight? I draw the line at giving out my Instagram and Facebook user name; but what I like about Tinder is the guys on Tinder cannot see every single post/picture of mine. And they cannot see my friends list. Snapchat is not archived like Instagram and Facebook, snap stories last for only 24 hours.
Age: 27

Snap stories on last for twenty-four hours, but the screen shots people take last forever. Sure, you’ll be notified that someone took a screen shot of you, but by then it’s too late.  Snapchat and kik – for the most part – are used for two reasons and two reasons only:

1. To exchange nude pics.

2. To vet the person and make sure they’re attractive. Asking for access to social media accounts is the new, “Do you have more pics?” Don’t fall for it.

I do not recommend linking any of your social media to your dating profiles. Here’s one example of why this is a bad idea:

I met someone on OKCupid a couple of months ago. He linked his Instagram to his profile. While I couldn’t figure out what his Instagram username was, there was a bread crumb trail of clues leading to his identity. In one of the photos he tagged someone. I looked that person up. Hmm. That woman looks familiar. Oh, right!  He posted a pic of her to his profile!  That’s the ex-girlfriend he mentioned.  Let me just hit up Facebook. Oh hey! Look! He posted two pics of his other ex-girlfriend on his dating profile. And – AND – his ex-girlfriend had just  recently uploaded a picture of them together looking all cozy. Keep it classy! From that point on, I gave the guy the side-eye. It doesn’t matter if they’re “just friends.” They’re still his ex-girlfriends. There’s something incredibly passive aggressive about posting shots of your exes on your dating profile. (There’s also something super sketchy about your ex-girlfriend uploading pics of the two of you together when she knows you’re out there meeting other women. Paranoid? Whatever.)

The point I’m making is that no matter what safeguards you think will prevent someone from learning more about you, you’re still vulnerable. A hashtag, a username, a location, a name mentioned in passing; these are all clues people will use to find you. Here’s another little story to prove my point:

Last week I was on Tinder and came across the profile of a guy I recognized. I looked down at our mutual friends.  I clicked on her profile to find him. Hey look, everyone! He’s listed as her boyfriend! While that example actually supports the opinion that linking is a good idea as it provides you with intel about your matches, change the context. Maybe your match sees a pic of you they don’t like, or sees that you’re friends with an Ex or someone they don’t like. I’ve passed on guys strictly because our mutual connections included a number of people I consider to be douchebags. If you’re really stupid and don’t have your  privacy settings on lockdown, you could lose their interest immediately because they’ll judge you based on your feed.

Dating Mistake 101: Don’t give people more information than they need before you meet them. At this point, one thing – ONE INNOCUOUS THING – could get you thrown into the discard bin.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
, , ,

4 Responses to “Why Dating Profiles & Social Media Don’t Mix”

  1. Tao-dude Says:

    You are correct about one little thing and people move on. I think the swipe culture has created extremely vain daters who will find out as they get older you only get so many chances. With that said I can tell once you pass 50 you’re no longer looking for the love of your life (that illusion is long gone), just a companion (these days it’s even hard to find that).

    Some advice I have for those in challenging LTR’s, try to work it out as it might be the last one for a while in this dating climate.

  2. Laura Says:

    I completely agree with the advice. Online dating is all about being given a chance at this point and literally anything can work against you – a picture where you look slightly under the weather, a mutual acquaintance they’re not on good terms with, a location they don’t care for, some little piece of info you haven’t even paid attention to. I don’t think it even matters how attractive you are, unless you’re literally supermodel hot, people are going to think they can do better. Just keep it simple and don’t give people reason to reject you, because you simply don’t know and can’t control what they could hold against you.
    There’s really no reason to show them more pictures outside of those on your dating profile, if you have a reasonable number of them there, of course. Those special snowflakes who need to be soooooooo sure that the person they’re about to meet is The One can take it elsewhere.

  3. Nia Says:

    I also think that, in addition to what others said about not giving people access to your life because it will inevitably lead to rejections over small things; don’t reward laziness on online dating.

    Potential dates who have almost nothing except a snapchat or instagram handle with a “hit me up” on them should be swiped left (“no”). If you can’t take five minutes to fill out 500 characters (not even words! characters!) about yourself with stuff like your interests, hobbies, dealbreakers, if you have kids, and vital stats (height, and basic body type), it really says something about your level of commitment to the process: little to none.

    I am really over potential dates who are de facto asking me to do the work. “Ask me anything else you want to know”/ “Here’s a blank profile with my instagram handle, check it out”/ “Hit me up on Kik”….How about you put in *SOME* effort, dudes? God!!

    If, rather than making a judgement about you based on your profile pics, your text, and your interactions with each other, guys are asking you for your instagram and snapchat handles, you have to ask yourself: so they can…what? Right click and download pictures they like for “later use”? Judge and dismiss you? Search for specific information such as your dating status, your education and job, and other things you’d like to keep private? Determine if you’re “actually hot” enough to date?

    I can see no possible positive reason they would need further access to social media *before even meeting you*.

  4. Laura Says:

    Yeah. The effort most people are putting in is already minimal, and when you bring social media into the equation, the very concept of a dating profile becomes irrelevant. If you’re supposed to share everything with the other person, the way you choose to present yourself on your dating profile is worthless.

    I do think those two are going to become more and more intertwined, and it’s going to make dating all the more complicated. The flakiness factor will go through the roof, as if wasn’t high enough as it is.

© 2013-2018 And That's Why You're Single All Rights Reserved