How Do You Avoid Dating a Liberal/Conservative?

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There’s really nothing like matching with someone on Tinder or OKCupid only to discover through messaging that they vote with your opposing political party.

While how one identifies politically has always been a bone of contention, never has the issue been more volatile than it is today. As I swiped through profiles yesterday, I came across on guy that said, “No crooked Hillary voters!” Another included the line, “If you voted for the Orange Cheeto we probably won’t get along.” That’s fine, I guess. I will only date someone whose ideologies align with the Democratic party.  Ensuring that prior to or quickly thereafter a message exchange has not only become tricky, but a requirement. The last thing I want to do is meet up with someone and have the election come up – as it does more and more these days – and find we’re not on the same side. Awkward.

I’ll also throw in there that all these writers (and they’re almost exclusively women) penning breathlessly tone deaf essays about their Trump-supporting partners need to GTFO of here. Sorry, but if your husband or wife voted Trump, they were always an asshole.  Their misogynistic, racist, homophobic tendencies were always there. You just chose to overlook it. You get no sympathy from me. Maybe you shouldn’t be making that information public, because I’ll side-eye you harder than side-eying them. If you’re not someone who stands up to injustice, you can fuck right off.

It goes without saying that I find Trump supporters repugnant. However,  I find even the most die-hard of Anti-Trump supporters kind of…tiresome after a point. We get it. WE GET IT. On Facebook, I’ve hidden so many people from the right as well as the left in the last few months. I can’t deal with the constant umbrage. I want to date someone tuned in an aware, but not rabid, which is why I avoid swiping right on any liberal that comes across too angry. Invested is great. Hostile is not.

In my bio and profile, I just say, “Liberal.” That’s it. Wine drinker. ASPCA supporter. Writer. Liberal. Interval trainer. I’ll let them decide the rest for themselves. But since many people swipe and message before reading, many of us are now in a position where we have to resolve whether they are Democrat or Republican first.

So what do you do? Do you come out of the gate with that question? Or do you just state your political party in your bio/profile and hope they read it? This goes both ways, btw. I’m not just asking Democrats how they weed out Republicans. I want to hear from both sides.

Thoughts?

 

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37 Responses to “How Do You Avoid Dating a Liberal/Conservative?”

  1. UWSGal Says:

    I too prefer to steer clear from people who are going bonkers about politics in either direction. I am socially liberal and fiscally conservative (and voted for DJT for economic reasons), so I am ok dating either a liberal or a conservative who has a legitimate, articulated view that he can convey in a respectful manner. I can respect a different opinion and would enjoy an intelligent conversation about politics, economy and social issues.

    Luckily, rabid people on both sides of the spectrum just can’t help themselves these days, they’re exposing themselves and it is easy to avoid them. They will bring it up in their profiles, or during the text exchange and it is easy to next them right away.

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  2. DrivingMeNutes Says:

    The trick to avoiding Trump-supporters in the NYC area is to only date Manhattanites. She won in the borough at something like 97% (and that 3% largely consists of Russian nationals who voted for Trump illegally). I’m not “rabid” anything but Trump-supporters simply can’t be taken seriously. So, for dating purposes, it’s a “fuck only” rule.

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    • UWSGal Says:

      Actually DJT got about 15% of Manhattan vote. Considering that 60% of eligible voters voted, it is relatively safe to make an assumptions that at least the percentage – or higher – of the ones who did not vote are also DJT supporters, who simply didn’t bother to wait in line knowing that NYS is safely blue. So, at a minimum you have 30% of Manhattanites supporting DJT and at a maximum you have actually close to a half. This is sort of a rational fact. But than again, i always find it hard to have any rational discussion with anyone who brings up “illegal voters” (on either side of political spectrum). Gotta give it to you, illegal russian voters is the first. I suppose the libs are borrowing a page from the reps palybook with their obsession with illegal hispanic voters (both: sad)

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      • DrivingMeNutes Says:

        Two truths about Trump and his supporters: i, they have a markedly impaired sense of humor and ii, they ALWAYS take the bait.

        No matter. What are you doing later?

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      • Mel Says:

        I love that you voted for Trump and concluded your comment with “Sad.” Now you just need the exclamation point. Funny!

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      • Tired of Games Says:

        Hilarious…Trump actually won ~10% of Manhattan votes, but you “Conwayed” his estimated support to “at a minimum” 30%. Let’s look at the REAL numbers. Approximately 600K people voted in Manhattan so, at 60% turnout, that means there are ~1 million eligible voters. 515K (actual) voted for Hillary, 59K (actual) for Trump and 25K (actual) for other candidates. If EVERY SINGLE nonvoter (~400K) voted Republican, Trump would have hit 46% support…that’s delusional. For Trump to hit 30% support, he would’ve needed 170K incremental votes (totaling 230K), with Clinton/Others freezing. Do you really believe that’s possible? FYI, as of November 2015, there were 613K registered Democrats and 84K registered Republicans in Manhattan.

        It is this lack of critical thinking/reasoning, this ability to throw out made up numbers to justify their point, that makes a conversation/debate with Trump supporters impossible. How? Because, even after providing rock solid proof, many would simply claim “fake numbers,” and continue with their position.

        I have many Republican friends, most of whom describe themselves the same way as UWSGal (fiscally conservative, socially liberal). We can discuss politics, debate our positions, find common ground on some issues, and agree to disagree on others.

        Trump supporters are a different animal.

        DISCLOSURE: I’m an independent who primarily votes Democrat but, in the past, has voted for Republican governors and mayors.

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        • UWSGal Says:

          “Do you really believe that’s possible? ”

          I am sorry, you’re asking whether I believe it’s possible that 40% of non-voters would have voted for Trump? Yes i think it’s actually close to the reality. Republicans in NYC are simply not incentivized to come out to vote, they have to comprise a large portion if not the majority of the non-voting cohort.

          And no, i do not believe that 100% of non-voters were DJT supporters. Like i said – theoretically this could be the ceiling of his support. Obviously, we will never know one way or another.

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          • Parenting Says:

            Have you ever met a person who didnt vote because they were Republican in a majority Democratic county or vice versa? I havent. I know many people who voted 3rd party when their candidate had zero chance of winning. This rumor about hundreds of thousands of de-incentivized Trump supporters in Manhattan staying home on election day is about as real as the Swedish terrorist attack from Friday night.

            Anyway, I hear ‘people’ are saying that there were 3-5 million illegal Russians who voted for Trump.

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  3. Nia Says:

    I put in my bio “Liberal seeks same” and within a few questions, I ask something like “Hey, I know politics has become very front and center recently, can I ask where you stand on the political scale?”

    I will only date a “neutral” voter (someone who abstained for whatever reason) if everything else about them is a great match for me. Otherwise, a liberal, libertarian (with caution) or green party. ONLY.

    To me, it’s beyond preferences, this election in particular has shown a very ugly underbelly in many people that shocked, angered, and saddened me. I don’t have enough time to “wake” a guy up while still being sexy, cute, cool, and low key (barf); he’d better arrive woke and ready to stand with me to defend both my rights and the rights of those that are weaker and less advantaged than I.

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  4. Speed Says:

    “It goes without saying that I find Trump supporters repugnant.”—Moxie

    I don’t agree with writing off approximately half the country this way. I also think it’s extremely bad strategy for progressives/Dems to attract the GOP votes they will need in 2018 and 2020. Trying to get more business by insulting potential customers? I don’t get it. Even so, this sort of SNL vitriol and smugness seems to be the new chic among Dems.

    I’m a Libertarian and former (?) Never-Trumper who normally votes GOP (voted a straight GOP ticket in 2012 and straight Libertarian ticket in 2016). I would prefer if Trump resigned tomorrow in favor of Mike Pence, but that seems unlikely. Right now, I’m leaning toward downing a couple of shots of whiskey and pulling a straight ticket GOP in 2020 (Trump and all).

    Not every Trump supporter is some Alt-Right goon, any more than every Dem/Hilary/Bernie supporter is some utopian socialist or pacifist. I’ve met thoughtful people of all political persuasions (including Greens, Communists, religious fundamentalists, etc.). I’ve also met idiots of all political persuasions.

    Adults will have different opinions and experiences and outlooks. So in dating, I don’t think it’s possible to find your exact clone. What if you’re a Bernie Bro and she’s a Hilary Gal? Then get outta here! She’s moderate GOP and he’s a Trumpster? Get lost, fool! Communist? Cool, but….Maoist, Stalinist, what? We need perfect political alignment to share an hour and two beers?

    Let’s take it further…we’re both vegetarians, but you’re not vegan? Then no go! Vegan like me, but don’t grow your own food or at least buy locally? You corporate sellout! Beat it! Support gun rights but don’t have a personal armory? Then hit the road, traitor!

    If a woman is a good match for me in terms of character, basic looks, etc., then that’s enough—and that itself is hard enough to find. I’m not going to “next” her just because every 2-4 years she pulls a lever in a different direction than I do. That makes no sense at all to me. I’ve seen media reports of people cutting off family members and best friends, divorcing, etc., because of different 2016 votes. Really?

    But good luck to those looking for a world (or a partner) without any grey, tradeoff, or compromises.

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    • Mel Says:

      Pretty sure it’s representative of a lot more than “pulling a lever in another direction.”

      Also – the word “gal” made me laugh.

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    • BTownGirl Says:

      I’m a little uncomfortable saying every single Trump supporter is a racist, because I’ve been to regions of the country where he won and I can see how some people thought their status quo was bad enough that this was their best option. Has anyone ever done the Jack Daniels Distillery Tour in Kentucky? I could. not. believe. the area we drove through to get there. It was like a rural Hooverville. There’s really no excuse for voting for him, but I can see how it happened in places like that. Reaching those people should be priority number one the next time around.

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      • UWSGal Says:

        This has to be the first rational comment i’ve read from any HRC supporter on any forum or social media. A good first step to reach those
        people would be to stop calling them “deplorables”. A good second step would be to realize that most people who voted for DJT have not done it as an affront to your civil rights, nor do they want to take these rights away from you. They’re simply fed up with the status quo which hasn’t worked for them. So they’ve said just that.

        Unfortunately so far the dems have failed to silence these angry divisive rhetoric from the far left and are poised to lose their choice to reconnect with these voters. And i say unfortunately because this divide is not making me happy. Not to mention, what are they really going to promise them in 2020 which hasn’t been promised before? Talk is cheap, as HRC found out. Decades of failed policies spoke louder. Just saying, dems need a little more self reflection, and to work with the POTUS, not obstruct him – if they want to come back from this.

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      • Redneckgeekgurl Says:

        Honey- Jack Daniels distillery is in Tennessee (also Hooverville to you I am sure!)

        The bourbon tour in Kentucky is also in rural area …. but not exactly like a third world country – unless you are from the only civilized part of the country (to some!) like the northeast.

        And don’t bother trying to ‘reach’ those people in the next election- they know ALL about damn Yankees! Regardless of what ticket they vote.

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      • MBS Says:

        100% agree. This is a worldly and thoughtful perspective. Many of us who are fortunate enought to be educated, well paid, and to reside in liberal metropoloitan areas can be somewhat sheltered/unaware of the very real sturggles many Americans face, myself included. Maybe instead of further dividing, we should seek to have a better understanding of eachother.

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    • Timothy Horrigan Says:

      For those who (like me) would have hard time dating a Trump supporter, the big problem with Trump is not his policies, or his political beliefs (insofar as Trump believes in anything other than Trump.) He is in many ways marginally more liberal than the base of his party. The big problem with Trump is Trump. He creeps many people out. His administration has thus far been a total fiasco. He has no idea of how a President of the United States should behave. He’s the worst President of my lifetime by far— and i speak as a man who survived Nixon, Clinton and both Bushes.

      If you are a conservative, especially a conservative man, my reccomendation is don’t take liberals’ anti-Trump mood too personally.

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      • BTownGirl Says:

        +1000000000000. I was flying back from France when the travel ban went into effect. When we got to CDG, the airline rep said he had no idea what kind of situation we were going to find when we landed in the US and how long the wait might be to get through Customs, because this was all happening with no clear instruction to Border Patrol and it might be chaos as a result. Insane.

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    • Nia Says:

      I agree it goes far beyond “pulling a lever in one direction or another”. A very dear, close family member is gay and she and her wife adopted a child. Mike Pence not only voted for or supported horrific laws that punish women for reproductive choices (a law that makes a burial or cremation of fetal tissue, including that of a miscarriage, mandatory), but also laws that promoted things like *electrocuting* gay people in something called “conversion therapy”. That’s really, really scary to me.
      Also scary:
      HR 984: a bill that bans all abortions of any kind, including those that are a result of rape and incest
      Losing AMA, including covered (it’s not free! it’s covered by my insurance which I pay for!) birth control and well woman/preventative visits, “pre-existing condition” clauses, and Medicare/Medicaid coverage
      Privatization of Social Security
      Spending billions of tax dollars on an ill considered wall
      Travel and immigration restrictions that don’t actually address a real, serious issue of religiously-motivated terrorism

      It’s a unique time in American History, in which a very wealthy and powerful cabinet that is primarily controlled by the GOP has unprecedented power and can *really* ruin people’s lives.

      I would rather be alone than give aid and comfort in the form of my body, time, attention, affection, and emotional labor to people who support these abhorrent ideas. It’s not a “compromise”. To me, it’s an ethical imperative.

      I don’t expect others to feel that way, but I follow my values even when it hurts. And it does! Cute guys or former lovers (I broke up with a long term childhood sweetheart the day after the election and BOY did that hurt!) who voted for Trump made a choice that says something to me: their self interest was more important than my safety, my well being, or that of our most vulnerable citizens. Okay, good to know. Won’t be dating you.

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      • Parenting Says:

        I agree with this 100%. Personally, I have plenty to gain from a Trump presidency. If he is able to push through some of his policies on H1Bs, I can easily see my income increase by 30% if not more. But I’ll take a pay cut before I cast a vote for that horrible man.

        As someone else said, there is a big difference between casting a vote for Trump and being a Trump supporter. Casting a vote for Trump in many cases just means that you bought into the anti-HRC propaganda and hated her more. Being a Trump supporter tells me you really dont care if someone makes pointedly divisive bigoted comments, maligns our press and every detractor with bizarre conspiracy theories as long as there is something in it for you. That is not the character of a person I would want as my partner. I dont know about making a big deal about a persons political leanings. It usually comes out in some way soon enough. You can either live with those differences or you cant.

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  5. sarah Says:

    I’m not sure there’s a way to avoid contact with Trumpets altogether, but you can certainly count on them sorting themselves out by saying something gross within 20 minutes of any interaction. If you don’t want to put in that kind of time, either, just find a way to bring up Ayn Rand.

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  6. dee Says:

    I love that even the comments on a dating post regarding Trump devolved to near lunacy.

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  7. Two Cents Says:

    Y’all seriously. Anyone who can stand behind voting for 45 is either a full on racist misogynist homophobe or is okay with the policies that will affect people of color, women, immigrants, and the LGBTQ communities. This is not like Bush/Gore or Obama/Romney, where you can be “socially liberal and fiscally conservative” and still be a decent human being. I seriously do not care if you are a republican or democrat, if you still care about HRC’s emails, or if you are pro-life. Those are things we can debate and agree to disagree on. If you voted for 45, I will never trust that you are a decent person at core.

    Also, you have to be in a special place of privilege in this country not to care how someone voted in this election, or to think about dating someone who voted for him. To do so means you believe you won’t be affected by him and not care that others will, and that shows your moral compass is way off.

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  8. Dave Says:

    I love women who have the conviction to state their beliefs, particularly when I agree with them. So kudoes when Moxie expresses sentiments so forcefully like. The swearing to make her point is really sexy. I woould suggest just saying your feelings upfront. In fact, I have started doing that myself to target like-minded partners. With all the anxiety these days, I need that catharsis.

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  9. Yvonne Says:

    Interesting, NPR just did a report on this subject. They mentioned James Carville (Democratic political consultant) who married Mary Matalin (Republican political consultant) who were famous for their successful marriage despite opposing political beliefs. What NPR neglected to mention was that when the two married 25 or so years ago, the divide between liberal and conservative, Republican and Democrat was nowhere near as deep as it is now. We’ve got alt-right, white Nationalists in the White House now, and they are quite busy dismantling numerous government agencies and initiatives designed to protect the American people.

    The political divide is greater than it has ever been. I’m in agreement with Two Cents, at this point, if you’re still supporting DJT, you do not care about protecting civil rights or you are vehemently devoted to a very narrow agenda like being anti-choice. I’m too busy fighting back against your kind to consider hanging out with you socially.

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    • Yvonne Says:

      Also, I just read that Mary Matalin no longer considers herself a Republican; she’s now a “Libertarian”.

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  10. The D-man Says:

    A few weeks ago I went on a date with a black woman in her early thirties who voted for Trump. Now that I think about it I also went out a couple times with another even younger white woman who voted Trump. They’re out there.

    I don’t know about the male Trump voters, but the two I’ve met have a contrarian streak. They don’t seem to care much about politics in general, and don’t follow it closely. They just wanted someone who would shake things up. Blech.

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  11. Tao-dude Says:

    I agree with Moxie on many things and this is one. I matched with a lady whom I’m pretty sure is a Trunp supporter (I’ll call her Lisa), I show up at the bar to meet her and within a short period of time she makes up a story about how she lost her keys, leaves and stiffs me with the bill.

    It’s a sign of the times.
    It’s a sign of where people and dating have come to.

    The disturbing part is it’s true a good deal of people voted for Trunp and there’s also more racism, bigotry and other behaviors that are dehumanizing which are occurring with stunning regularity- the world doesn’t respect us anymore and frankly it’s understandable. The issue that links back to dating is the apps enable bad behavior and so is our current government. The problem is once the cat gets out of the bag behavior wise you can’t just put it back anymore.

    Sadly I see things getting worse for people and the dating scene. The government is currently enabling much bad behavior among the population and dating apps are enabling a new low too. I think in the old days the sick women I met would have been forced to simply say not interested (which is fine), if I had her cell I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have pulled that. I think people should exchange numbers before meeting as it might discourage this type of cowardice (men and women equally suck online these days). Oh and bumble, tinder and online dating sucks. I’ve had 2 mini relationshits online in 6 months – great sex but plenty of dysfunctional behavior too.

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  12. HerGuyFriday Says:

    I can always tell when a woman on Tinder is a Trump supporter. Under 30, has 3 kids, wears lots of clothes with sports logos, strong Christian, and went to the University of Phoenix? Definitely a Trump supporter.

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  13. Tao-dude Says:

    Makes you wonder if the next president will be elected by swiping right.

    The deeper question is why our nation is so decided.

    It’s sad to see the same people swiping for happiness years later.

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  14. AV Says:

    I try to avoid politics as much as possible with women.

    Still, if Trump voters were really racist and misogynist they wouldn’t have voted for a man whose daughter converted to Orthodox Judaism so she could marry the grandson of Holocaust survivors (and that grandson is now his top advisor); nor would they have voted for a man who had the first woman in charge of a winning presidential campaign.

    Sometimes I wonder if some of these rabid Trump-haters understand that disagreement with their politics doesn’t make someone the second coming of Hitler.

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