Question: Is OKCupid finished as a dating site? I reactivated after a two year hiatus and I’ve noticed the site has taken a dramatic downhill turn. I was using Tinder and Bumble but I didn’t feel those apps gave me enough space to flesh out my personality (and learn more about a potential match). Not to mention I feel the guys on Tinder come off too strong about looking for sex and the guys on Bumble don’t really seem interested in meeting someone like me. I figured OKCupid worked well in the past but it seems they’ve adopted all the negatives of the swipe apps with none of the benefits. If this is the case should I even bother with OKCupid? A little about me: I’m attractive, active, working on a STEM PhD, and fun loving with a wide range of hobbies.
I don’t think you should dismiss any of the sites or apps completely. You have to go where the people are. The trick is to use them to your advantage.
Like you said, OKCupid provides users with an opportunity to create a more well-rounded impression. Fill out all the sections and basic details and use the filters. Answer at least 100 questions, avoiding anything inflammatory or subjective i.e. questions about physical preferences or anything too politically charged. Post at least 3 photos – headshot, body shot, and social shot – all of which that clearly display your face and body unobstructed. Opt to use the Incognito feature so that the only people who can see your profile are people you like or message. That will eliminate the abundance of inappropriate messages you’ll receive.
When doing a search, be sure to read the whole profile – questions and all. I always look to see if men select their preferred body type or if they believe “fat” people can’t be attractive or if they insist their match not be even slightly over-weight.
I 100% agree that guys on Tinder are insanely aggressive about looking for sex. Almost every man I’ve matched with in the last few weeks has made inappropriate sexual comments. You know one way to avoid those guys? Don’t swipe right on anyone that doesn’t fill out their bio sufficiently or at all. Another way to avoid them? Include a quick line about how tourists should swipe left and that any inappropriate sexual comments will result in an unmatch. Is that going to stop people from being aggressive? No, but those two sentence do make it clear you’re taking Tinder seriously and aren’t just there for attention or to hook-up. Some men aren’t going to bother to read your bio. They’ll reveal themselves quickly and you can unmatch them.
I am torn about recommending this app in any way. You allude to why in your letter when you said you don’t think the men on there are interested in you. I do feel as though Bumble is somewhat elitist in that way. It’s for men and women looking for people with pedigrees. However, you don’t know that every guy on there thinks like that. There are no rules when it comes to attraction. Women think they know what men find attractive, but they don’t. (And vice versa.) Don’t assume that no man on there will find you interesting and attractive. However, you should be aware that Bumble has an over-abundance of ghost profiles. Users delete the app from their phone but their profile remains on the app. At least with OKCupid, you can see the last time a user was active and logged on. In addition to providing prompts for people to write their profile, the ability to filter by log on date is the second best reason to use OKCupid.
With Tinder and Bumble, and probably even OKCupid, users no longer have to craft 500 word introduction paragraphs. We are being conditioned to require less and less information before determining possible attraction. Therefore, you can now get away with being brief and succinct. My bios for Tinder and Bumble are a series of one or two words.
Writer. Small business owner. Interval trainer. Liberal. Manhattan dweller. Wine drinker. ASPCA supporter. NPR listener. No kids, never married. Reserved in public, bawdy in private.
That may look lazy or brief, but it actually tells you quite a bit about me. It gives my profession, where I live, some of my interests, and explains that there’s no ex-husband or kids in the picture. Readers will infer that I’m in shape and like working out, that I’m compassionate, that I like sex, and that I’m intelligent. That and a few pictures is all you need.