In “You’re Full of Shit” News: OkCupid decided to remove the “Who’s New” option from their search filter.
Our main goal at OkCupid is to provide a positive, safe place for members to form substantive connections. While the Who’s New feature was a useful tool for a small part of OkCupid, on the whole it wasn’t benefitting the greater OkCupid community. We want all new members to feel welcomed when joining OkCupid, but women in particular were being overwhelmed with messages (some of which were spam) right after signing up. By removing Who’s New, new members are now less likely to be inundated with messages; additionally, sincere messages from well-intentioned members have a better chance of being seen.
Ah, yes. They’re doing it to provide a more positive and safer experience for female users. Why didn’t I think of that? Well, probably because that explanation is complete and total bullshit. The incognito feature, which allows paying members to “hide” their profile so that they are only visible to users whom they like or message, already acts as a filter from the spammers, scammers, and creeps.
Here’s the deal: new or not, a woman is still bombarded with unwanted messages. (By unwanted I mean crude/spammy.) I am forty-eight years old and relatively average looking. My filtered folder on OKCupid is chock full of obnoxious replies from guys who do not bother to read my profile or who live in another country. My profile is far from “new.”
For years, women have been complaining to OKCupid about receiving harassing messages. Years. Literally YEARS. Their answer isn’t to penalize the the people who send those messages. Their solution is to complicate everybody’s user experience instead. I’m not slogging through profiles I’ve already seen a hundred times. The ROI (Return On Investment) involved with that simply doesn’t justify the initial time expended.
Let;s keep in mind that men, too, receive unwanted messages from prostitutes and scam artists. That, I believe, is the reason for this change. OKCupid is overrun with fake profiles. I must report at least three a day. The military guys, the men from overseas using fake photos, the pretend widowers,etc are the ones popping up at the top when you filter by new profiles. It’s my theory that OKCupid is trying to deter those people – the scammers – and not, in fact, looking to protect women. I also believe they’re trying to distract people from the fact that their membership is down.
And since we’re ranting about online dating: the ghost profile issue that plagues both Bumble and Tinder has reached an all time high for me. In the past 3 weeks I have matched with 5 different guys. I have messaged all of them. Only one replied, and it turned out that he doesn’t live in NYC, but CT. The other four guys didn’t even read the message I sent. Then, last week, I was swiping along, minding my own business, when I came across the profile of a guy who I knew for a fact was dead. I hate that, on both apps, you can’t tell where users live. You can only see where they are located at that moment. There’s so much useless swiping and messaging going on now. I got liked by a guy on OKCupid the other night. I emailed him the next day…and nothing. No response. That had to be a result of their Quickmatch Tinder-esque feature. It’s a huge waste of time.
A guy friend told me not to take it personally when guy’s flake or don’t respond. I responded, “When the sum of your experience is being unmatched, emailing guys you match with and getting no response, or getting responses from guys just looking for sex, it’s almost impossible not to take it personally. That’s all I get, no exaggeration or embellishment. It’s brutal and makes me feel bad about myself.”
“I’m sure your ‘guys looking for sex’ category includes pretty much every guy. So, yeah, if you want to be around men and date them, sorry, you pretty much have to suffer that,” he said.