The BS Reason OKCupid Removed The “Who’s New” Feature

 

In “You’re Full of Shit” News: OkCupid decided to remove the “Who’s New” option from their search filter.

Our main goal at OkCupid is to provide a positive, safe place for members to form substantive connections. While the Who’s New feature was a useful tool for a small part of OkCupid, on the whole it wasn’t benefitting the greater OkCupid community. We want all new members to feel welcomed when joining OkCupid, but women in particular were being overwhelmed with messages (some of which were spam) right after signing up. By removing Who’s New, new members are now less likely to be inundated with messages; additionally, sincere messages from well-intentioned members have a better chance of being seen.

Ah, yes. They’re doing it to provide a more positive and safer experience for female users. Why didn’t I think of that? Well, probably because that explanation is complete and total bullshit. The incognito feature, which allows paying members to “hide” their profile so that they are only visible to users whom they like or message, already acts as a filter from the spammers, scammers, and creeps.

Here’s the deal: new or not, a woman is still bombarded with unwanted messages. (By unwanted I mean crude/spammy.) I am forty-eight years old and relatively average looking. My filtered folder on OKCupid is chock full of obnoxious replies from guys who do not bother to read my profile or who live in another country. My profile is far from “new.”

For years, women have been complaining to OKCupid about receiving harassing messages. Years. Literally YEARS. Their answer isn’t to penalize the the people who send those messages. Their solution is to complicate everybody’s user experience instead.  I’m not slogging through profiles I’ve already seen a hundred times. The ROI (Return On Investment) involved with that simply doesn’t justify the initial time expended.

Let;s keep in mind that men, too, receive unwanted messages from prostitutes and scam artists. That, I believe, is the reason for this change. OKCupid is overrun with fake profiles. I must report at least three a day. The military guys, the men from overseas using fake photos, the pretend widowers,etc are the ones popping up at the top when you filter by new profiles. It’s my theory that OKCupid is trying to deter those people – the scammers – and not, in fact, looking to protect women. I also believe they’re trying to distract people from the fact that their membership is down.

And since we’re ranting about online dating: the ghost profile issue that plagues both Bumble and Tinder has reached an all time high for me. In the past 3 weeks I have matched with 5 different guys. I have messaged all of them. Only one replied, and it turned out that he doesn’t live in NYC, but CT.  The other four guys didn’t even read the message I sent. Then, last week, I was swiping along, minding my own business, when I came across the profile of a guy who I knew for a fact was dead.  I hate that, on both apps, you can’t tell where users live. You can only see where they are located at that moment. There’s so much useless swiping and messaging going on now. I got liked by a guy on OKCupid the other night. I emailed him the next day…and nothing. No response. That had to be a result of their Quickmatch Tinder-esque feature. It’s a huge waste of time.

A guy friend told me not to take it personally when guy’s flake or don’t respond. I responded, “When the sum of your experience is being unmatched, emailing guys you match with and getting no response, or getting responses from guys just looking for sex, it’s almost impossible not to take it personally. That’s all I get, no exaggeration or embellishment. It’s brutal and makes me feel bad about myself.”

“I’m sure your ‘guys looking for sex’ category includes pretty much every guy. So, yeah, if you want to be around men and date them, sorry, you pretty much have to suffer that,” he said.

 

Thoughts?

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18 Responses to “The BS Reason OKCupid Removed The “Who’s New” Feature”

  1. Nia Says:

    Ugh.
    Do guys not get that men JUST looking for sex with *literally any woman who will allow them in* is insulting?

    Yes, men want sex. Women.do.too. There’s been many nights where I lay in bed feeling lonely and wanting to feel a man’s body near me or close to me (and more).

    I detest this idea that women “have to” put up with crude come on’s as if we were merchandise with no heart or soul, being “tricked” into having sex, or having to compromise sexually in some way (more sex, kinds of sex we don’t want or like, etc) to “get” a long term relationship.

    Sex should be, IMHO, a fun, playful, intimate, deep, soulful, light, *adventure* that two people embark on together. It should make one feel like you’re 17 and exploring your BF’s or GF’s body for the first time and everything about them is amazing to you.

    I get that, in general men need sex to feel love and women need love to feel sexy. But women shouldn’t have to “suffer” through anything, much less what should be an amazing, lovely, and above all, fun experience!

    Jeez.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 22 Thumb down 6

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    • Parenting Says:

      The men sending out dick pics and the “hey sexy” messages dont care how you feel. If douche bag guy sends out a thousand “hey sexy’s” and one woman rewards his behavior with sex that means that the only thing standing between him and thousands of options is how quickly he can hit the send button.

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    • DrivingMeNutes Says:

      The problem, as I see it, is how the issue is being framed. If I said: I get no responses online except for women who expect me to pay for the dates! So rude! Not fair! You might advise me to cry you a river. You might also rightfully advise me that, while unfortunate, it’s probably a quality I’d have to endure in order to date women. I’m sure I’ve heard that good advice delivered here, in fact. You might also tell me that maybe it’s possible I’m too quick to write off all these women- leaping to conclusions about their evil intentions based on a few text messages on a dating app. Or, maybe my profile isn’t portraying me well. Maybe I’m shooting out of my league.

      Point is: Focusing on how bad the men are maybe feels good but it will never be a solution.

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      • Parenting Says:

        Theres a difference between all women expecting you to pay for dinner and all women filling up your invox with messages like, “Hey stud, Ive been dying to try Chez FooFoo $200-A-Plate. Why dont you take me to dinner there tonight?”

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        • fuzzilla Says:

          “You’re the kinda guy that really makes me…hungry…” (cue unsolicited foo-foo menu pic).

          I agree that complaining and focusing on the negatives is unproductive, but you’re right, expecting a man to pick up the tab is not the same as a bunch of gross sexual comments. If a man pays for a woman’s dinner after having a lousy time…at least he was interested enough to want to meet her in the first place.

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 11 Thumb down 2

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          • DrivingMeNutes Says:

            Great I look forward to hearing your solutions to the problem.

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 3

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            • fuzzilla Says:

              The solution is to suck it up and deal and not engage idiots. The point, however, was that women expecting men to pay is not an equivalent experience to men harassing women.

              Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 13 Thumb down 4

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              • DrivingMeNutes Says:

                Yes duh they’re not THE SAME but there is no relevant difference for the purpose of my analogy ie the point I was making or trying to make. My point wasn’t that they are THE SAME.

                But, since we’re on the subject, they are the same; the only real difference is that you’re not personally offended or affected by women wanting free meals from you, so it’s not as gross.

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                • Parenting Says:

                  True, I cant know your feelings. But nope still not the same thing. Sorry. There is a big difference between expecting and soliciting especially from complete strangers.

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                  • K Says:

                    I see where DMN is going, but it’s just not a good compare. Women luring men into dates for free food is more akin to men pretending they want to date you when they just hope to sweet talk you into bed. Gross up front sexual messages are probably more akin to some lady asking for a super high end date or $.

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              • Parenting Says:

                This!

                My solution – if in fact everyone pinging you on OkC is soliciting you for something you dont want – is to get off OkC. It doesnt seem worth the frustration.

                Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1

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      • Nia Says:

        Well, no. You don’t have to endure behavior that you don’t like, or is a turn of to date women–you can delete, block, and move on. I take issue with the idea that Moxie or any woman has to accept this behavior from men during the course of a date, or dating.
        No woman should be going on dates with “hey hot stuff” guy or dick pic dude.
        The difference is that women expecting a man to pay is a culturally appropriate and acceptable behavior. It may be annoying, but it’s understood as normal.
        Sending crude, over the top or NSFW messages is *not* culturally acceptable. In the 1950’s men weren’t screaming “NICE TITTIES” at women in the soda shop. They weren’t approaching women on the street and asking them “blow me if I’m wrong but…”. In the 1960’s, men weren’t sending women anonymous Polaroids of their junk in the mail and then laughing. In the 1970’s, men weren’t coming up to women in “fern bars” and saying “So, are you into kink?” before even introducing themselves. And so on.
        Men are acting in a way that is out of step with cultural norms. Women shouldn’t have to “tolerate” behavior that is far out of line with acceptable norms to get something *men want anyway* (!!) which is a friggin’ relationship!

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 1

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    • ? Says:

      Sure, women “don’t have” to “suffer” insufferable men…that’s why you can always block, ignore, unsubscribe. Enoughh women doing so will send a message to the app developers and those insufferable men. Not sure what else you want society to do….get the government to put a gun to these men’s heads and say “treat women right or else” ?

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 2

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      • Nia Says:

        I don’t want “society” to do anything.
        I want every single individual man to treat ALL women with the same respect he would give his mom, sister, favorite cousin, or grandmother. I want men to think before texting. I want men to be honest about their real intentions, as much as they can. I want men to treat women who are open about being okay with sex as humans, not escorts or fantasy toys.
        I want men to take time to proofread their messages. I want men to value women’s hearts and minds over their bodies/looks or at the very least, as much as.
        On the flip side, I *do* want women to block, delete, and stop answering these d-bags.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

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  2. Noquay Says:

    Left OK Cupid years ago. Even among free sites, it had by far the poorest quality men, including a good many locals whose histories I knew and avoided like the plague. A good many of these folk do not rejection well and things got nasty. The absolute best advice I’ve see in the dating blogosphere is “be the person you want to date”. Regardless or gender or age range, if you’re un or barely employed, your life is in chaos or just not working out well, beset with drug/alcohol issues, and cannot afford to pay for a dating site, finding a partner is the least of your problems. I’d bet that a good many of the same folk in my state that were on OkC 5yrs ago are still on there either for real or as ghosts. Eliminating folk that have already proven incompatible let’s one focus on who’s new to the site. Yep, I too have been barraged with inappropriate messages, every woman is because some folk lack social skills or are scammers. Happens on paid sites too but less often. While on line can be a valuable tool for those of us in rural or other places where compatible folk are few and far between. Understand, the purpose behind dating sites is profit which declines if folk actually do find mates. Dating sites want to string you along for as along as possible, urge you to upgrade, keep spending money, keep wading through folk, keep your profile up long after you’ve bailed from the site to entice others.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

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  3. Timothy Horrigan Says:

    Tinder matched you up according to where your phone was located whole you were right-swiping. The guys from CT may have been swiping while visiting The City. CT happens to be a very short train ride from NY City.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 2 Thumb down 11

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    • Mel Says:

      She’s obviously aware of where CT is. You completely missed the point, She’s venting that Tinder doesn’t allow you to see someone’s permanent location.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 12 Thumb down 3

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  4. AC Says:

    “And since we’re ranting about online dating: the ghost profile issue that plagues both Bumble and Tinder has reached an all time high for me. ”

    This.

    I spent all of a week on Bumble before deleting it. Tinder has gone from being flake out central to an absolute waste of time. Truth be told, I can count on one hand and have fingers left over how many matches I’ve has since January.

    Online dating in generals seems to have taken a down turn. I’m not suggesting giving up but OKCupid is not what it was even two years ago and the apps (Tinder etc…) are a farce. It’s been over a year since I used Match. I am curious whether or not they are suffering the way the free sites are. IMO, something has got to give and it will be interesting to see what the next trend will be.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

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