Is He Interested or Just An Attention Whore?

spidey

Name: Tori
:
Question: I have a guy friend who is confusing the heck out of me.  He sends me shirtless Snaps all the time.  As well as Snaps of food he’s making, and snaps of his dog.  We used to work together, still do, just different departments.  And I’m assuming that shirtless snaps aren’t just something you would send to any ol coworker/friend.

Yesterday, I texted him and asked him if he would like to go kayaking today.  His response was “I already have plans for tomorrow :/ “

I guess I did the right thing by at least asking, so he definitely knows that I want to hang out with him sometime.  But was his response a “no”?  Because he didn’t come back with a suggestion for another time. But I also texted him today and he responded fairly quickly, so I guess I didn’t freak him out by asking.
Age: 36

 

Methinks your guy friend is an attention whore. Here’s why:

You asked him to get together and he turned you down, saying he already had plans. Someone who was interested in you would have taken that opportunity to suggest alternate plans. This guy didn’t even say, “Maybe some other time?” He just flat out rejected you.

Attention whores always respond quickly. That’s Attention Whore 101: Always Be Available. He responds quickly because he wants you to interpret the immediacy of his response as a sign of his interest. You know who he’s interested in? Himself. Fuck him and shirtless Snaps. Only a douche would send those to a woman he wasn’t at least trying to date.

Did you freak him out? No, but only because he likes the idea of you desiring him . I experienced something similar  afew months ago with a guy I met on OKCupid. We went out three times, each time he insisted upon paying. He answered my texts immediately. He sent cute “check in” texts.  He even wiped food from my mouth with his fingers. But when I asked him if things were just platonic, he said he wanted to be just friends. As one very wise commenter here said, “He was definitely flirting with you. He might not have been interested, but he certainly wanted you to think that he was.”

And I’m assuming that shirtless snaps aren’t just something you would send to any ol coworker/friend.

Aaaand you would be wrong. Here’s a little secret: I have three or four photos I keep on hand for when I’m sexting with a guy. I don’t take new ones. I just send them the old stand bys. I will guarantee you at least some of the pics he sent you are ones he’s sent to several other women, too. I also bet that some of those women are ones he’s ‘just friends” with, too.

He’s stringing you along because he likes the fawning and flirting. While he could be interested, I feel pretty certain he has a roster of women he does this with on a regular basis.

Thoughts?

 

Oh, and new post over on the other site:

When I get in these funks, I like to write myself through them. This weekend, I wrote an intention list for the summer. There were a number of things on it. (Post a selfie of myself in a bikini; go out-of-town for a few days to someplace sunny; finish twenty-more scenes of my book; take Firestarter and Boot Camp at Equinox. ) But the last item on the list was something I hesitated to include, because it made me feel really, tremendously pathetic:

By the end of the summer I want to be dating someone. Really dating them, not just hooking-up with them.

READ THE REST HERE

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4 Responses to “Is He Interested or Just An Attention Whore?”

  1. KK Says:

    I mean, unless he is a total and complete attention whore, the fact that he is sending you all these pics means he probably finds you at least somewhat attractive. But you know this guy isn’t interested, because if he were he would try and make plans with you

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 2 Thumb down 9

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  2. fuzzilla Says:

    Yeah, I’ve had that experience where it’s like, “If he wasn’t interested, then why would he text me all the time and talk for hours and so on and so forth? If he’s so invested in me then why am I made to feel stupid and overly demanding simply because I want to actually meet up some time?”

    Yup, simply an attention whore. I think I actually first read that explanation here years ago. That’s what made it finally sink in and make me go, “Welp, okay then. Next” and stop thinking guys like that were some fascinating puzzle and I could fix their fear of intimacy and commitment issues and blah blah whatever bullshit I’d been telling myself.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

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