Is He Too Picky or Too Specific?

August 24th, 2017

NEW!, NOPE!, Online Dating

nate-larger600

Regular reader Nia just sent me a link to this guy’s site and I thought I’d share.

http://shouldyoudatenate.com/

I will begin by applauding his entrepreneurial spirit by creating a whole website dedicated to finding a mate. It’s nearly impossible to cut through the noise on any dating platform and really stand out. This guy succeeds in making an impression, something most people fail to do when writing a profile.

I’m going to surprise you by saying I am not all that offended by this guy’s presentation. While there are definitely some problematic aspects to his droning “get to know me” style, he knows exactly what he wants. Like, if this were the movie Weird Science Kelly LeBrock would appear in her little cut-off sweatshirt top and Calvin Klein panties, all pouty and shit.

I can relate to someone with such a specific idea of his ideal match. I reject 90% of the people I see online. I trust my gut. I know “my type” when I see it, which is why I end up blowing men off (or being blown off) so often. I want grit and gruff. I like rough around the edges.  I like someone sexual.

In short, I’m looking for me.  Foolish? Self-important? Short-sighted? Probably, but I’m way too old to care about that anymore. I know what kind of guy I relate to best.  I don’t care that I;m almost fifty; if I don’t feel the urge to sleep with you on the first date, it ain’t happening. I could totally be setting myself up for failure, but so be it. But enough about me.

Where Nate fails miserably is by focusing so much on sweeping women off their feet with his opulent lifestyle that he forgets to talk about who he is. beyond his geeky-introverted- wealthy lifestyle. Where’s the personality? He’s begging to be approached by gold-diggers, but you know what? I don’t think he cares. He wants Kelly LeBrock – the perfect woman with a slender body and reasonably slim waist.” Because, see, that’s all Nate knows. He bases his idea of what’s attractive in a woman by what he sees on TV or in porn. He basically wants a hot chick who wants to be spoiled, because he thinks that’s all women want. He doesn’t need to have a personality because he has money and ambition.Too much ambition, if you ask me, and YES that’s a thing. Women who say they want ambitious men don’t realize that ambition comes with a price: he’s never around.

Fun fact: people highlight a shallow attribute like money or sexual prowess to compensate for lacking in other areas.

The other thing Nate has miscalculated is the problem with being this open. He’s set the bar so high he’s going to alienate women. We  get it. You work a lot. So do most people. But if you’re that busy and that committed to launching your line of supplements, Nate, then do you really expect women to believe you’ll make time for them?

Overall, I find Nate’s pursuit ambitious but flawed. He’s left no room for imagination and portrayed himself as, well, kinda boring. His interests are limited and he doesn’t like going out. (You just know he’s one of those “I don’t have a television because I am far too intellectual for such mediocrity” people.) He wants a woman not that he can relate to and engage, but who is pretty to look at and little else. It’s clear he thinks women are stupid, or at least less intelligent than him.  She can’t have her own life and must dedicate hers to being available when he feels like leaving the office. He thinks he offers so much, but really, he offers little in terms of emotional support. It’s all about him and if you can’t deal with that, well, you’re just not the woman for him.

Or something like that.

I see nothing wrong with having a very clear idea of what you want. In fact, I recommend it. But you have to know the true value of what you bring to the table. What Nate offers isn’t that rare or even that impressive.  He’s not offering to be a partner, he’s offering to be a benefactor. He’ll take you on trips and out for expensive dinners, but he’ll suck the air out of every room talking about himself. You won’t matter. Money, status, and sex are great ways to get someone in the door, but they’re not what keeps them there. There’s no staying-power in surface relationships like the ones Nate opines about on his bloggy-blog.

Thoughts?

 

 

 

 

 

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37 Responses to “Is He Too Picky or Too Specific?”

  1. Nia Says:

    What irritated me (among other things) is that he expects whoever she is to have the *exact* same interests as him: working out, making money, being “healthy” (via supplements, sigh) and meditating.
    No TV. No movies. No FB or other social media GOD FORBID. No “partying”. No hitting him with a rolling pin, which I sure wanted to when I read his eye rolling-ly reductive and sexist ad.
    He also stresses he has no time for leisure activities himself.
    So what exactly will you be doing with this guy?
    Let me guess: Side by side interval workouts while you daydream while he’s yapping about his “business opportunity”. Gotta keep that body slim and that face pretty! No need to have any interests, friends, opinions, or intellect of your own!
    I mean, best of luck to him. He’ll get pretty much exactly what he seems to want: The Louise Lintons of the world.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 3

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  2. Beta Male Says:

    If he starts his ad with why he would not be a good match why should anyone stick around to read why they should date him. Too many negatives before he even gets to the point. He’s basically saying: NO HOOKUPS, yet I want to hookup.

    He should get a live in escort since that’s basically what he is asking for.

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  3. UWSGal Says:

    My reaction to the web-page is TL;DR. So let me sum this up – he works a lot (who doesn’t), he likes slender women (who doesn’t) and he doesn’t want hard core party girls (who… well, ok some do). Anything i am missing here? I like his approach tho. It’s bold. Also, stupid in a way only a self-employed person can afford to be. He does manage to make a good impression though. If he was a few years older I’d “apply” (even though i am in his target age range, he’s not in mine).

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 10

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  4. fuzzilla Says:

    **He’ll take you on trips and out for expensive dinners, but he’ll suck the air out of every room talking about himself.**

    I have to say, I really never had a fantasy of landing a rich dude because I figured that’s exactly what it’d be like. Not that rich dudes were ever beating down my door for dates. The opposite end of the spectrum is also a turnoff, of course (dude doesn’t have his s*** together, finances are a total mess). Money really doesn’t have anything to do with how good or bad someone will be as a partner, unless you’re talking extremes (they’re successful but constantly working or they mooch off you for basic necessities).

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    • fuzzilla Says:

      Although I realize money is the #1 reason for divorce. Money affects your lifestyle, which can make you wanna bail on a relationship, but doesn’t directly affect whether someone is loving or hateful, etc.

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    • UWSGal Says:

      I don’t think this guys is rich. Not New York City rich anyway. He also never flaunted his lifestyle. All he says is that he’s trying to get his business off the ground. Good for him. But one should count chickens when they hatch.

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      • UWSGal Says:

        i mean the guy lives in apartment with a view of construction site in a tertiary city (Denver)…. i think Louise Lintons should not be lining up there just yet. In fact he makes me kinda take HIM on vacation and explain life to him a little bit, LOL

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        • fuzzilla Says:

          Yeah, that’s true. I was basing that more on Moxie’s comments than the guy’s site itself.

          Eh, he doesn’t seem like that bad of a guy, maybe a little naive and inexperienced at dating.

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        • Beta Male Says:

          He is a good looking guy. If he has any type of social skills or does something besides “work work work” then he would have no problem attracting someone. However I don’t see how he could be a good partner to anyone.

          Assuming of course that is his main objective.

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          • Sheba Says:

            He’s good looking and apparently a high earner, so he must have some enormous character flaws that he still can’t attract a woman. I would say I wonder what they are, but that bloody wall of shite is a shining beacon to his complete personality bypass.

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  5. CT Says:

    Jesus H Christ I could not even read the whole thing. His thirst is real. I guess if you are really working this hard, you can’t find a “good” woman on your own. But honest to god…He sounds like every other good looking asshole on dating sites. Sorry, dude, but you’re basic.

    Hard pass.

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    • Zaire Says:

      Exactly, he isn’t exactly my type but he’s fair from unattractive (physically) and he seems to be ambitious from what I can see (the site has changed since the OP). His type with that attitude is a dime a dozen on dating apps. Because so much attention is directed towards the ‘unwashed masses’ of OLD some people who are better looking, higher educated, and higher earners get their heads gassed up about what they want and how they communicate it to the world. What they forget is that there are a lot of similarly positioned guys who are a little more laid back and giving, and when provided the opportunity the women chose will chose the ambitious guy who knows when to turn it off and chill out not the man who uses is job title as a substitute for his personality.

      Although I don’t think Nate is bad looking the fact is he isn’t some millionaire Adonis looking fella who would have women lining up regardless of his antics. This will probably do more harm than good to his dating life. The only women I see going for this are the ones trying to prove something to themselves by snagging such a picky guy or the ones who want to go on a date for the story/blog afterwards (there is a lot of overlap in these two groups).

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  6. Sheba Says:

    Oh dear God I am NOT reading that wall of shite.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 2

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    • Sheba Says:

      Ok, I got as far as seeing that he says ‘heck’ without any apparent irony. NOW I’m really not reading any more of that wall of shite.

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  7. Bluegrass Says:

    Interesting take, Moxie. I agree with you–I don’t blame him for trying to say what he wants for the most part, and he doesn’t seem as obnoxious as a web page like his would first appear. But there’s something distasteful with the way he’s presenting himself (especially his work ethic) and his language about ruling out women that are not interested, while fine in theory, I think would drive off someone that he would be interested in. It’s like I would be put off by watching someone I like reject someone that isn’t right for them in a callous way, even though maybe it could be justifiable. There’s just something kind of intimidating about his page. He should look into cutting down on certain parts to see if he can soften the tone of the site a little.

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  8. UWSGal Says:

    You guys, this dude is not the worst offender out there. I once saw a match profile where a guy put in photos of sports cars that he ONE DAY WANTED to buy, and a bikini pic of Jessica Biel to demonstrate what his potential mate should sort of look like. Kid you not. I have a screengrab of it somewhere, now that was a top shelf douche. This guy is simply clueless, too young. Also, i hope he does a better sales job with his business because at selling himself he fails miserably (never explains what he actually does have to offer).

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 1

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    • JayD Says:

      He looks androgynous. And an underwear T-shirt as if he has good natural fashion sense? His supplement business is probably one of those MLM pyramid schemes. His lame attempt is an epic fail, and if he is not a top shelf douche, he is a runner up.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

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  9. RC Says:

    My take is slightly different I guess – OMG, what a loser…
    Anyone with any sort of social skills would know better than to write this. My guess he is so super strange and awkward in real life that people run away…
    Whoa…hell no dude!

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  10. AnnieNonymous Says:

    My biggest issue with Nate is that he doesn’t actually want to date. He wants to jump straight to comfortable, normal partnership without the initial fun of going out and having nice dinners with drinks. Even dancing. He also strikes me as having a few social problems. You just know you’d have to walk this guy through the basics of adult interactions. He has built up this huge single-person empire and doesn’t seem to realize that he’ll have to give up some parts of it to fit another person into it. He wants someone who’ll meditate WITH HIM and go on all HIS business trips and watch HIS shows. Would his fantasy gf have time to have a job of her own?

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  11. UWSGal Says:

    Just because someone is socially awkward doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, or can’t be a good b/f or a husband one day. This guy never really bragged or said anything bratty, his site is no more obnoxious than your average dating profile. All he ever wanted was a fit girlfriend who doesn’t party (not shooting for the stars here). Yet, he is gonna catch a huge shitstorm on the internet and on twitter too, probably. It takes tremendous amount of courage (or stupidity) to put yourself out there like that. Either way I feel bad for him.

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    • Nia Says:

      We-ll, he also specifies that she must be a Capitalist and must identify as a libertarian over a liberal (in terms of strongly believing the free market is sacred, is a solution to all the world’s ills, etc), she must be into fitness at the same level as him, and she must be a positive/upbeat person when it comes to his “business” (I bet you a paycheck it’s an MLM that he got sucked into) and his travel.

      I guess my main issue isn’t with his “wants” which, as pointed out, are fairly standard. It’s that he appears to not give two sh*ts about *anything else*. Like character, compatibility, personality, intellect, kindness, reliability, etc. I guess one could stretch a point and say someone who is not a party girl and is into fitness hard core like him *could* show some positive character traits, like dedication, focus, and self-control.

      But the things that make a good partnership are sacrifice, selflessness, devotion, loyalty, thoughtfulness, shared values, caring, kindness, giving the benefit of the doubt, taking yourself lightly (something this guy REALLY lacks), not taking things personally at all times, self-awareness (again, something he lacks), and so on.

      He’s not the world’s biggest jerk, he just comes off as very clueless and like he thinks his desire for MONEY MONEY MONEY and a HOT GURL is somehow unique. It’s not, hon.

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    • Beta Male Says:

      What I see from this profile is someone who spent a lot of time working to build his business and all of a sudden decided that it is time to find a girlfriend. Unfortunately I get the sense that his desire for a girlfriend is more because he feels that it is something he should have at this stage of his life than from any real desire. That’s the worst reason to find a partner. His problem isn’t social awkwardness, his problem is that he doesn’t really want a girlfriend. I’m not even sure he even know who he is outside of his business and his business ambitions. He needs to figure this out before he could seriously start looking for a partner.

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  12. Michelle Says:

    As a gal who lived in Denver for 40 (gasp!) years, all I can say is this: the guy is fishing in the WRONG pond. Look, there’s no shortage of thin, beautiful, intelligent women who meditate in Denver–the place practically manufactures those types of gorgeous babes. Trouble is when he got to the liberal vs. libertarian parsing of his political beliefs. In my experience, it’s going to be very hard to find a woman with that mix. And honestly with the legalization of pot in Denver if he does find that mix, the girl is going to be “very 420-friendly” which, he says he doesn’t want. He absolutely has the right–and god love him for it–to search for his unicorn but I’d think with all of his business smarts he’d be wise to define his demographic and then go where they are. (And just cuz I want to be a little snarky, that view of Denver from his apartment isn’t from the “wealthy” side of town, just saying…)

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  13. Tracy Says:

    I don’t think he was that bad, not much worse than I’ve seen in the past. Women do this type of ‘profile’ as well. It’s entirely possible that someone coached him with it…or was working from “the Secret”

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  14. Tracy Says:

    Oh ya, meant to mention, what I don’t like is: he just comes off as shallow and self-centered.

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  15. Yvonne Says:

    Is Nate interested in anything besides his business, meditation, working out to develop his thick neck, and travel (for business of course)? To top it off, he’s a libertarian who dislikes liberals (run away). Hates the FDA (and “all government entities”) – how dare they attempt to regulate what we consume when he’s trying to push his nutrition products? Plus, he’s a “major introvert” with no social life. But his woman had better be slender along with a slim waist.

    Sounds like so many marketing ads I get in my inbox. Are you in that tiny minority who’ll qualify for this offer? Act now, or this deal might be gone forever! Nice use of reverse psychology, Nate!

    Is it “date Nate” or “hate Nate”? He’s a weirdo, but he’s a weirdo with gumption, I’ll give him that.

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  16. ATWYSingle Says:

    I woke up this morning thinking about this guy. A a few have said, what he’s looking for isn’t out of the realm of normality. He’s not looking placing importance on any substantive qualities, but then, he’s not offering nay either. While he’s not someone I would want to be with, I’m sure there are plenty of women who would.

    As I said, I commend him for knowing exactly what he wants. Being that aware – regardless of how shallow his criteria – can only help him. It'[s better than doing what most of us do: go on date after date after date “just to see” and coming home feeling empty and disappointed.

    It’s like going into a grocery store when you’re hungry; you throw a ton of things into the basket that look good in the moment, but you get home and realize you don’t want them. I think that’s 90% of what dating is now. Where all just throwing stuff in our baskets, then either eating them and getting sick or tossing them.

    And here’s the really weird thing: I will bet money he finds what he’s looking for. That’s easy to do when you’re not digging too deep.

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    • Beta Male Says:

      Maybe he’ll find what he is looking for right now but I doubt he’s going to be happy in the long run. Then again stranger things have happened.

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    • CT Says:

      He’ll find someone (maybe) that is just as superficial as he is, for sure. He is looking for another line to add to his resume, a box to check off his list of goals so that he can say “See? My life is following my plan exactly. I found exactly what I was looking for. I did it my way and it worked out because I willed it to be.” I don’t believe finding a partner, a real, true to life, love of your life person to SHARE life with works this way. But good luck to him.

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  17. Beta Male Says:

    Try clicking on the link now. He’s basically trolling himself by selling “Nate the Brand.”

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  18. Yvonne Says:

    Oddly enough, his new site says he wrote the first dating ad over a year ago, yet all the buzz about it has come in the last couple of days, hmmm…

    And now there’s this:
    https://shouldyoudatekate.com/

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  19. coffeestop Says:

    I looked at the link and yawned, it is the same sales pitch style the whole planet uses to sell shit, nothing original about it.

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  20. So Says:

    I don’t think the type of women he’s trying to find is rare in reality. I’m just not sure he’d be the type of great lover those women are seeking.

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