Date Nate: A Recap – Why Are Women Being So Mean?

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Okay, so, I wrote about Nate Rifkin and his verbose dating profile the other day. In the past 24 hours, he’s pivoted, removing the long-ass word salad and replacing it with an offer to teach brands how to go viral.

Dear Friend,

I have no idea how you reached this page.

Maybe someone told you about “this a$$&ole and his crazy dating site” …

Maybe you read an article about Should You Date Nate, this insane dating profile some guy wrote…

Perhaps it was just luck.

However you got here, you have stumbled upon… without a doubt…

One of the most successful PR campaigns of 2017!

Hi, my name’s Nate Rifkin and over a year ago, I wrote an advertisement. But not for a regular product. Instead, this ad sold myself as date.

Since then, it’s gone completely viral. Buzzfeed. EOnline. Yeah, that kind of viral.

Now I’m ready to show you exactly how I did it:

I have no idea if he’s telling the truth. It’s totally possible that he is. He could have posted that site, done some modest advertising for it, and it just sat there on the internet like a stone-cold turd. The more likely explanation is that he saw all the attention his site was getting and decided to monetize it. Which, if you think about, is actually pretty smart. He admitted he was a workaholic and all but said he’s enamored with the idea of being rich, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise he opted to forego the finding love angle. Do just a smidge of research on this guy and he does have a background in brand marketing so you do the math.  It’s my opinion the backstory is a little of both: he sold himself as a product to find a partner (something most singles do online) and – because of the message’s “success” he decided to optimize his time in the spotlight.

Now, as I said in my earlier post, I think Nate is shallow and awkward. How he was perceived could be why he did a one-hundred eighty degree turn. That shows self-awareness, something we don’t see very often. I’m sure we all know a lot of men who, when faced with intense criticism, would double-down on their douchery. Nate didn’t. I’ll say again that I found the previous version of his site problematic. He clearly has some troubling ideas about women and relationships. What has me writing this additional response is the egregious outpouring of snark from women across the internet.

 

She’s so proud of her rapier wit.

Then there’s this:

https://shouldyoudatekate.com/

Yawn. Unfunny and tedious.

Here’s a harsh little bitch slap for these women: you’re shitting on him because he’s a dude. An awkward dude with some antiquated opinions, but still a dude. If a woman put herself out there like this and made herself vulnerable – even if she said things that made your jaw drop –  most women would applaud her moxie or even feel sorry for her. Case in point:  Back when I first started there was a blogger named Blair Allison. She put up a site called Marry Blaire and pledged to be engaged by the end of the year.  Women loved it! Blair was brave! Blair was honest! Blaire was real! Blaire was them! They were Blaire! Calling her awkward and self-obsessed would be an understatement, but many women ate it up. She did exactly what Nate did. She pivoted and became a marriage and relationship coach. (She also got married and divorced in under a year, but that’s another story. ) In any event, Blaire Allison was embraced for her awkward, face-palm of a site. Nate Rifkin didn’t fare as well. (Full transparency: I mocked the shit out of Blaire back then.)

This little stunt of Nate has quiet a bit of take-away value. Why do we as a society mock men who make themselves vulnerable? I have no problem with women saying, “He says stupid shit, not for me” but picking apart his campaign because he’s awkward and self-important is reductive. And hypocritical. Yes, there are no women anywhere who find money and ambition and promises of travel to be an aphrodesiac. Get the fuck out of here. Maybe I;m crazyl, I didn’t find the original iteration of his site that offensive. I can’t muster the outrage for someone who clearly was not trying to offend anyone.

In closing, I’ll just say that I would never date Nate and Nate would never date me (if he is how he presented himself to be is genuine.) And you know that? THAT’S OKAY.  All he did was forego a traditional dating site/app and offer up what would likely be the same amount of information your average single person shares on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tinder combined.  Hate to break to y’all but it’s a guarantee that there are people out there who stumble across your wordy, oversharing, cringe-inducing social media pages and think you’re an asshole.

Thoughts?

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14 Responses to “Date Nate: A Recap – Why Are Women Being So Mean?”

  1. coffeestop Says:

    Actually if a woman did the same thing as Nate then it would be the men attacking her for being too picky and unrealistically and set her up for intense mockery. If Nate met somebody great but what he does works for very few people. He wants attention nothing wrong with that and I guess he got it because his efforts got 2 separate entries here.

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  2. CT Says:

    His response…yikes.

    I wouldn’t say his message on his website was him being vulnerable, or even for the other woman who did this. It’s self promotion. Self promotion is not bad. It’s sometimes all we have to put ourselves in front of others and wave your hand to be seen. He was up front with what he wants. Is that being vulnerable though? He made a website out of his giant checklist of his wants and needs; he expounded on what a dating site would do but made it bigger and more tailored. To be honest, I don’t see someone socially awkward. I see someone with a list of what he wants and expects to get because he put his mind to it, just as he has in his career. He executed that with a somewhat problematic website.

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  3. JayD Says:

    Way too much credence is being given to this Nate fuck dude. Would any women with an ounce of self respect find him desirable? Seriously? His shita is nothing but negging from the PUA playbook. He is targeting women with low self esteem.

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    • fuzzilla Says:

      He seemed so clueless to me that I didn’t think he was really targeting any women or considering their point or view or wants or needs at all, just going on about how great he is. You could be right, tho.

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      • Sheba Says:

        People who target those with low self esteem aren’t usually doing it consciously, I think. It’s just that they’re self centred to the point of not wanting to make any compromises or efforts for another person, and want someone who will just fit into what they want. Nobody with healthy self respect will take that, but those without will….and will be attractive to people like Nate.

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        • fuzzilla Says:

          I think you’re right about Nate, but I feel like some guys do specifically target women with low self-esteem. They say things like, “Are you tired of all those other guys, are you looking for a real gentlemen?” etc. They’re assuming women will be interested/won’t leave them because they’re kind of beaten down and discouraged. They feel like they have to put other men down to make themselves look good. Not really getting that vibe from Nate. Not getting much but ME ME ME ME ME from him.

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          • fuzzilla Says:

            I guess he does say “no fatties” or whatever, but…I dunno, I was just too bored to be offended.

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          • Parenting Says:

            Yeah, all I saw was do you like trips? Tall men? Rich men? Businessmen? Rich businessmen who take lots of trips (to Idaho??)? Then you might be lucky enough to win a free trip and be my thing that i do in the evenings instead of going straight to sleep on my schedule at my leasure when Im not off on my very important business trips. Yeah, thats about as far as I got before zzzzzz.

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  4. Sheba Says:

    I thought that parody site was quite funny, but then I’m English and I think the Ministry of Silly Walks is the epitome of comic genius.

    If a woman had done something like this, we all know she’d have been crucified…possibly not by women, but through all the death and rape threats that make the internet such a lovely place for women. Moxie has been on the receiving end of this crap too, like almost any woman with any internet presence. (I had to shut down my almost unknown blog because of it.) Nate has made himself vulnerable, but not emotionally, not because he’s looking for love and baring his soul. It’s simply because he’s made himself look like an entitled prat in search of a one dimensional woman.

    In a way it’s insulting to women, and that’s why they’re not reacting well. I know nobody has to respond, but, well….if I posted a tedious website all about how 99.9% of men won’t fit my brief for someone who will blend seamlessly into my life as I want it, while being fit as a butcher’s dog, I wouldn’t expect men to take kindly to it either.

    It’s not because he’s a dude, it’s because he’s a tosser.

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  5. Beta Male Says:

    Nate got everything he wanted from this. He went viral and he likely got some pussy from this.

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  6. Speed Says:

    To be honest, I’m not clear on the reasons for all the hate on Nate. His site just copies the same sort of thing I’ve seen on countless women’s Match profiles for many years:

    1) The claim of being awesome—based on physical fitness, education level, and/or travel history

    2) The long list of demands (you MUST be explosively impressive in these 50 different ways..) and disclaimers (do NOT contact me if you have any of these 50 different characteristics….)

    3) The claim to have a unique philosophy, personality, and or hobby set (but that the man should share).

    4) The fantastical, romantic immature notions of how a relationship truly plays out.

    The only thing I see different about Nate is that he put his on a website instead of an app or dating site. But if he can monetize his site and fatten his social calendar through this genuine American hucksterism, then more power to him.

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  7. Parenting Says:

    I read a little of his old post (through the kate link) and honestly he sounds like a douche bag. I dont know about Blaire. Maybe she sounds like a douche bag too. Putting out an add that says “Tall rich man looking for a young thin golddigger who wants a free trip anywhere in the world in exchange for dating me” is just augh. If a woman put something like that out – Im thinking of all the 25 year old hotties bending over backwords to get accepted into the millionaire matchmakers roster – i would give them just as big of an eye roll.

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  8. Mark Says:

    “Thoughts” –

    Not all that much in the way of thoughts on this one.

    By that I mean maybe he is over the top because he really is a wack job.

    Maybe he does it because he subscribes to the notion of ‘I don’t care what you say or think about me as long as you spell my name right’ philosophy. as long as it garners attention.

    If it works for him-great. If he is doing this for attention-that’s his business. If he does it for pecuniary or business purposes-umm…swell…whatever.

    Summary – don’t really care one way or another what he does.

    Sorry, that’s what I see, so that’s what I call.

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  9. Nia Says:

    I think one of the reasons that women were bagging on him (not just because he was “awkward”) was that he’s reinforcing outdated, sexist, harmful stereotypes. That women’s only job in the world is to be decorative.
    Women get hurt in a ton of ways every day by this belief, whether it’s being told they’re too old or carry too much weight to be attractive, articles that pick apart the clothing and hairstyle of female politicians, up to the rape and death threats that women get online if they dare step out of the box of ‘pretty woman’.

    Instead of presenting himself emotionally or even talking about what kind of *relationship* he wanted (I’d even be okay with the old “loyalty!! honesty!! no cheaters!!” stuff) he spent pages selling himself as a product, and then spent more pages talking about what he *didn’t* want. No party girls! No liberals! No debbie downers!

    Negativity and outdated ideas about what makes a relationship work added up to not quite outrage, but a sigh of frustration on my part.

    When I see women putting up sites like “Married by May” or whatever, I’m a little eyeroll-y too.

    The reason women are all “you go girl” is *also* sexist! They’re rewarding behavior they see as traditionally feminine: strongly wanting a mate/making marriage a huge life goal. The reason women are okay with that is because it falls in line with a wide swath of normal female behavior. Heck, Charlotte, one of the most conventional and traditional characters on Sex and the City did something similar with her silly “business plan to meet a man” plot line.

    A partner is not an object you buy or win with your intense, Type A efforts. It’s something granted to you by fate or life, or not, as the wheel of fortune sees fit. Do the work of making yourself a good partner and if it’s the time and place, they’ll come along.

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