Is He Just In It For The Hook-Up?

February 13th, 2018

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Name: hunnybunz101
Question: Ive slept with this guy twice and he’s super attractive. The first time we had sex, it didn’t work out too smoothly. I texted him another time to try again and it was great. After sex, I massaged him while music was playing and it was very enjoyable. I texted him again this week asking to hang out during the day  instead and he said he was busy with exams except Friday he was free. I told him I was not free on Friday and we kept texting for a bit. How do I stay patient and not get pushy with him? I really want to get to know him but how do I figure out if he was just in it for the hookup?
Age: 22

The first thing you need to do is stop initiating all of your communications. You’re not giving him a chance to show you who he is or what he wants because you keep reaching out to him first. If you continue to make the first move, he’ll start expecting it and will not initiate anything. Also, as I’ve said countless times: people are as sincere as their options. Sure, he might be down with hooking-up this week because he’s having a dry spell, but by next week he might meet someone else and ghost you. You’ll never know what’s up, of course, because he won’t tell you that he’s experiencing a sexual drought. He’ll act like he can’t wait to see you, confusing you further.

Ive slept with this guy twice and he’s super attractive.

I’m not sure what his looks have to do with the question. You should ask yourself why his hotness is of importance to you and not, say, his personality, character, etc. Do you like this guy for any reason other than what he looks like? Honestly, think about that. Does this guy show you other sides to him other than horny? And please don’t say, “But he shares things with me when we’re lying there after having sex.” How he behaves in those after-glow moments while he’s still in bed with you don’t count. Do not fool yourself into thinking those moments of intimacy  are indication of something more. I know plenty of people who can act all mushy after sex and then never call that person again. If he’s not “peeling the onion” and revealing himself little by little when you’re not having sex and he’s not initiating anything, it’s safe to say he’s just in it for the hook-up.

All you can do at this point is sit back and wait for him to contact you. Keep in mind that if he’s not asking you to go out somewhere other than your apartment/home/bed, and he’s not giving you much notice, he’s probably just looking for sex and nothing more.

Side note: I have a feeling there will be people who will compare this story to the one about the guy at my gym that I like.

Here’s the difference:

Scenario A:

You meet someone on a dating app or online or at some random party/event. You hook-up/exchange messages before meeting. You exchange texts for days but the other person doesn’t ever make plans to get-together in person.

Scenario B: You meet someone offline in a situation where you see them regularly. You two flirt but the person you like never makes a move.

In Scenario A, the risk level is almost non-existent. Unless you’re going to see that person again, there’s nothing holding you accountable. Also, if you met on a dating app or already hooked-up, it’s pretty much a given that the other person is at least somewhat attracted to you and available. Yes, they could be unavailable, but those people are the exception, not the rule.

In Scenario B, there’s much more to lose. First, you didn’t meet on a dating app, so you don’t have a solid idea of their status. Next? You see them every day or so. If you ask them out and they say no, that’s going to suck and be uncomfortable. Third, if you hit-on someone at work or at the gym, you run the risk of looking like a creep. (That goes for both men and women.) There is way more unknown and at stake in Scenario B, which is why you shouldn’t just assume that, if they haven’t made  a move they aren’t interested. This situation is not the same as meeting someone online, someone you probably would never encounter in your day to day life ever.




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6 Responses to “Is He Just In It For The Hook-Up?”

  1. EANx Says:

    She’s 22 and he’s super attractive and the rest of us are old and couldn’t possibly understand…

    Hot works great for either sex when you want to hit-it-and-quit-it. When you want a bit more, sometimes it helps to pull away from the sex and focus on the person. If you can’t get away from getting hot-and-heavy for a date or two, you should take a long look at everything else in the relationship.

  2. Coffeestop Says:

    Yup he is in it for the hook up.

  3. Parenting Says:

    If you have to ask “is he just in it for the hookup”, the answer is almost always “yes”. Sincerely interested people dont like to leave the object of their interest guessing. Also, ugly guys will use you just as readily as OMG hot ones…just for future reference.

    More interestingly, any news on gym guy?

    • ? Says:

      “Also, ugly guys will use just as readily as OMG hot ones”… LMAO ! How true. Made the mistake of giving a guy several SMV point below me (old, wrinkly, out of shape, earns less), a “chance”, thinking he would treat me well and appreciate me as the “prize”.
      Ulitmately, if a guy is closed off to the idea of a relaionship with a woman in any way, shape or form. There is absolutely nothing you or anyone can do to make him change his mind. And yes, he cill kepp taking the sex that is offered. Live and learn !

      • Parenting Says:

        You’re smart to have only made that mistake once. Sometimes they are open to a relationship, just not with you. On one of those mistaken quests of insecurity, I gave a chance to a guy who was shorter than me, homely looking, chubby and professionally in roughly the same place I was except I was 6 years younger. In my mind, he literally had nothing on me. He used me to try to make the girl he wanted jealous and it worked. Haha. I guess he got the last laugh.

  4. Belle Says:

    I think she mentions his looks because she thinks he’s out of her league. Also why she wanted to come back and prove herself after a night of awkward sex. Agree she should dial everything back and see if he reaches out and if he doesn’t, she should let it go. She won’t, but most learn about this through going through it a few times, so no big deal.

    But for he love of all things holy OP, don’t give randoms a massage after sex- highly unlikely he deserves that much effort.

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