Does She Call Him Out For Lying?

Name: Jennifer

Comment: I met this guy online and we finally met in person. Our first date was amazing—so much so that he wrote me after our date to tell me he thought I was amazing, that I exceeded all of his expectations and that he can’t wait to see me again. We scheduled our second date for that following weekend and I was as giddy as a school girl. As it turns out, he wrote one of my friends on the same dating website a few days later and set up a date with her for the same evening him and I planned to meet. He then cancelled our date, claiming he had plans to take his son trick or treating. I know he won’t be trick or treating with his son because he set up this date with my friend. My friend and I are equally matched—we’re both very attractive and successful women, we have a very similar look, as people think we are sisters when we go out together. The coincidence is frustrating, but the fact that he lied to me and cancelled our date to go out with someone else frustrates me even more. I know we’ve only been on one date, and I expect that he’s going to date other women until he settles on one (plus, I’m dating other men right now too, and rightfully so), but it shows me that he’s willing to push me to the side for someone else in a heartbeat. Plus, the fact that he professed such a strong interest in me after our first date, then quickly turned around to go out with my friend (who is very similar to me) makes him seem insincere. I’m debating on whether I want to continue seeing him as he wants to reschedule our date. It’s tough because it’s too early for me to care about him seeing other people, and it’s just unfortunate that I know that he’s lying. My friend plans on ditching the date—she plans to just not show up and not call—she’s pretty pissed about the whole scenario. I won’t tell him that I know about this—at least not until down the line, assuming that we continue seeing each other. Like I said, I am dating other men, but he is/was definitely a front runner. I really liked spending time with him, our conversation was amazing, we have so much in common, he’s very attractive and successful and other than this oddball situation, I think he’s great. What do you think would be the best course of action for me to take?

Age: 33

Let’s pretend for argument’s sake that this scenario played out exactly the way you’re saying it did. This is an example of why I say that most women don’t really want to know the truth. This guy you met has options and he was exercising them. Had you not “accidentally discovered” that he was also talking with other women, you’d be none the wiser. He’d still be doing it, of course. You just wouldn’t know about it. You’re doing the same thing. But, as often is the case in these situations, the person who perceives themselves as being slighted forgets that. Yes, it sucks that he lied and that he wasn’t as eager to meet up with you again as you were. But that’s dating. Somebody came along that piqued his interest and, before he got too invested in you, he wanted to explore that possibility.

I know we’ve only been on one date, and I expect that he’s going to date other women until he settles on one (plus, I’m dating other men right now too, and rightfully so),

I’m not sure what you mean by rightfully so. You say that as if you dating other men is punishment for him dating other women. Why shouldn’t he? Why shouldn’t you?

Maybe this has to do with my age, but I don’t typically share the identity of people I meet online with my friends.But for you, dear Jenn, I am going to suspend my disbelief. Write this date down, folks, as this doesn’t happen often. The reason you shouldn’t come clean about this is because he – like me – won’t believe it was a random coincidence. Your friend needs to contact him and make up some story about how something suddenly came up and she can’t meet with him. Not showing up is just stupid and childish. He didn’t do anything wrong besides tell you a white lie because he wanted to meet someone else for a drink. That’s not criminal. If you do continue to see this guy, you’re just going to have to get past this indiscretion. Yes, he lied to you. I don’t think he was being deceptive as much as he was being diplomatic. If you do bring it up, he will drop you like a bad habit and assume you’re an oddball who was way too invested after a first date who cooked up a plot to test him. Personally, I think either you and your friend cooked up this plot together to see if he was dating anyone else or your friend contacted him behind your back.

In situations such as this, when you really like someone you’ve just met, the only option you have is to wait and see how things play out. It’s hard and it can drive us out of our minds with anxiety, but that is our only option should we want to build something lasting and authentic. Maybe that guy will stick around and return our interest. Maybe he won’t. What you always have to remind yourself is that, regardless of his decision, you’re okay. With him or without him, you are just fine.

You are enough.


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37 Responses to “Does She Call Him Out For Lying?”

  1. Annabelle Says:

    Hmmm. If Moxie’s take is correct, and the two women just cooked it up together to test him, then this is silly. However, if he really made a date with you and then cancelled it to go out with someone else, then I say, if there is ever a good time to be “stupid and childish,” now is the time. Your friend should stand him up, and let him have a taste of his own crappy dating karma. What can I say? I’m fed up with men treating planned dates as suggestions rather than an actual commitment to show up.


  2. Rosie Says:

    Ugh…that’s gotta sting a bit. Sounds unlikely, but stranger things have happened. If it were me, I’d probably just wash my hands of him. Yeah…he did nothing wrong…yeah I shouldn’t be invested but, my ego would still be bruised and I wouldn’t be able to get over it because if we ever became serious, I’d always wonder if he preferred my friend over me because, at one point, he did. No woman wants to be second choice.

    (Too) many years of dating has shown me that men typically prioritize the girl they like the most so if after one date he’s breaking plans with you to see someone else (like, really, he couldn’t just see the other girl another day of the week? There are seven days for a reason.) he’s just not that into you.

    There’s a difference between continuing to date other people just to keep your options open and breaking plans with someone you’ve already met to meet someone you’ve never seen in real life. Who would break plans with someone they’re pumped up about? Not most reasonable people. Who would spend money on a date with someone that just didn’t do it for you? Not most reasonable people.

    Move on, girlie and take this L. He’s diplomatically letting you down and that’s just a part of dating.

    But, I definitely would bring it up…I’d no longer be interested anyway so, at this point, why not call him out?


    • fuzzilla Says:

      **If it were me, I’d probably just wash my hands of him. Yeah…he did nothing wrong…yeah I shouldn’t be invested but, my ego would still be bruised and I wouldn’t be able to get over it because if we ever became serious, I’d always wonder if he preferred my friend over me because, at one point, he did. No woman wants to be second choice.**

      I agree 100%. You pretty much covered what I was gonna say. He didn’t do anything wrong, so nothing to “call him on” or start drama about. But yes, I’d be turned off, and I can only control my own behavior.


  3. Selena Says:

    Dude can date whomever, but breaking a date with someone he said “he couldn’t wait to see again” to instead meet someone new is crappy. Lying about spending time with his child to break the date is low and demonstrates shitty character.

    Why not call him out on it?

    When this letter was posted last year a commenter suggested both women show up together for the date and say, “Trick or Treat!”


  4. UWSGal Says:

    Of course he did SOMETHING wrong. That is canceling on the agreed date. Personally i have zero tolerance policy for such behavior. He can date other women as is his prerogative, but canceling plans is bad behavior. I wouldn’t see him again based on that, not that he had lied or is seeing other women.


  5. Rebecca Johnson Says:

    Agree with the folks above that the author missed the point. Yes he can see other people. But he should be courteous while doing so, and not break existing dates for a newcomer. Lying about it makes it worse. using his KID to lie is reeeeeeaaallly slimy as hell. I would run as fast as possible away. This guy clearly does not value other people.


    • ATWYSingle Says:

      He was courteous. He communicated to her that he could no longer make their date and offered a diplomatic white lie. The only difference between this situation and 99% of the other cancellations we all deal with is that she *knows* it’s a lie. I hate cancellations, too, but cancellations/ghosting/etc are now the norm. It’s understandable to be hurt, but is he supposed to just suck it up and go out with a woman he wasn’t that jazzed about just so he doesn’t hurt her feelings? I’d rather have a guy cancel on me than have my expectations built up.


      • UWSGal Says:

        What does that even mean that “cancelations are now a norm”? Not among people truly interested in each other they are not. Are you trying to imply that bad behavior should be accepted and excused just because it is wide spread? Seriously? Then how about “wife beating is now a norm” or “harassment is now a norm”. That’s not an excuse nor a reason to stay with this guy.


      • Selena Says:

        *It’s understandable to be hurt, but is he supposed to just suck it up and go out with a woman he wasn’t that jazzed about just so he doesn’t hurt her feelings? I’d rather have a guy cancel on me than have my expectations built up.*

        So would I. I would also expect a guy who was un-jazzed enough to cancel wouldn’t want to re-schedule either. ;-)

        From the letter:

        “I’m debating on whether I want to continue seeing him as he wants to reschedule our date.”


        • ATWYSingle Says:

          So would I. I would also expect a guy who was un-jazzed enough to cancel wouldn’t want to re-schedule either. ;-)

          More than likely he didn’t want to reschedule, he was just being polite. I’ve said the exact same thing when I’ve canceled on people. It’s just something people say. The problem with the majority of comments on this site is that none of them allow for nuance. People take everything literally.


          • Selena Says:

            Hopefully the other person realizes the offer to re-schedule isn’t sincere and takes the hint.

            If they do take it literally…well that’s when one is forced to say, “I’m crazy busy right now. I’ll have to get back to you.” And so it goes.


  6. Rob Says:

    There’s so much wrong here. And so many… things that people just don’t seem to do anymore.

    “I met this guy online and we finally met in person.”

    If I had a dollar for every time someone said “I don’t want a pen pal,” I’d be a millionaire. Unfortunately, since I’m a divorced dad, my free time is limited, so I’ll likely text someone a few days while trying to match schedules, or trying to figure out if we likely have chemistry.

    “he wrote me after our date to tell me he thought I was amazing, that I exceeded all of his expectations and that he can’t wait to see me again”

    I can’t tell, but it sounds like he wrote right after the first date. Didn’t we learn in Swingers that you wait two days to call :-)

    “As it turns out, he wrote one of my friends on the same dating website a few days later and set up a date with her for the same evening him and I planned to meet. ”

    I wouldn’t like it if a date canceled on me for another date. Have I done it? Yes. If I canceled on a second date, it means two things:

    1) If I’m in LTR mode, I can’t see having a LTR with that person.
    2) If I’m not in LTR mode, I think the second date is likely going to be a better fit for what I need at that moment in time.

    I’m a divorced dad and I only have a couple of evenings a week free, so if I’m actually serious about meeting someone for short or long term fun, I unfortunately have to make these tradeoffs. Sometimes it’s with imperfect information. Are you and your friend like sisters? Possibly, but I don’t know that. Likely you weren’t the same as presented in a dating profile, and likely she isn’t either. I’m certain you didn’t say the same exact things.

    Best thing to do is move on. If you’re feeling hurt, let him know you won’t be seeing him again. Something like, “Look, I think I overestimated our chemistry, and besides I’m seeing someone else. Probably it’s best if we not plan to get together again. Good luck.”

    As far as her friend goes, I wouldn’t encourage a friend to no-show a date. If a date no-showed me, I would be annoyed. I’d likely try to figure out motivation, and if I connected the dots and we had any friends in common, it would probably come up after a few drinks sometime.

    I don’t think it sounds like they were colluding to set him up. I also don’t think that women who date fairly frequently would be sharing names and photos of their dates until after they go out on a couple of dates. If I find my date is talking about me with her friends, I take it as a signal that she likes me and either I ramp up my activity (if I want a relationship) or I find some way to honorably seduce her.


  7. Selena Says:

    *I’d rather have a guy cancel on me than have my expectations built up.*

    From the letter:
    “he wrote me after our date to tell me he thought I was amazing, that I exceeded all of his expectations and that he can’t wait to see me again” Sounds like building up expectations to me.


  8. Selena Says:

    Isn’t finding out you were bullshitted also a turnoff?

    Even if you think, “nobody owes anybody anything after just one date” – how much are you going to trust the person who bs’d you? What’s going to go through your mind the next time they cancel? The next time they use their kid as an excuse for something?


    • ATWYSingle Says:

      You’re operating under the premise that she didn’t intentionally set this guy up. I’m not. I think she was so into this guy after one date that she either set up a fake profile or had her friend message the guy to see if he was dating someone else.

      If this woman never found out about him messaging her friend, she would still be paranoid he was dating someone else. She’s not bothered by the lie because she’s clearly willing to go out with him again. She’s bothered by the fact that he’s still looking when she pretty much had this guy moving in after one date.


      • Selena Says:

        I’m operating under the general premise that many women would be turned off finding out a guy bullshitted them (“you’re so amazing, can’t wait to see you again!”) then canceled a date, lying about his kid, for the opportunity to meet someone else. Which is what this guy did, set up or not.

        As for the LW Jennifer, the impression I have is that SHE wanted to keep seeing the guy and was willing to rationalize what he did. Whether she set him up or not I don’t know. But now she knows she wasn’t amazing enough to keep him from canceling a date if he saw something else he liked better online.


  9. Bethany Says:

    I really don’t understand the flakiness of people these days. If you have agreed on a date, don’t cancel. Especially don’t cancel to date someone else. It’s shitty.


    • Annabelle Says:

      Bethany, Exactly. I’m apparently old as fuck because I remember when you actually expected that when people made a date they would keep it. It’s called having manners and respect for other people, apparently two more old-fashioned concepts. I date somewhat regularly. If I say I’m going to be somewhere at certain time, I’m there. If it’s someone I’ve met online, I’m honest at the end of the date about whether there’s something worse pursuing on a second date. (Same thing if it’s someone I’ve met some other way, but there does tend to be chemistry in those cases). The last time I went on a POF meet-and-greet, I ended it by saying, “I see us as just friends,” the guy responded, “Really, I see us with my head between your thighs.” Uuggh… gross. Dating today … it’s, frankly, kind of traumatic.


  10. Annabelle Says:

    And “worth” not “worse” God, I hate typos


  11. wisewoman Says:

    You should definitely call him out for lying, but timing is everything. Jennifer I would be just as upset if he had said all those nice things after the date (implying a strong connection between you two) and then canceled on you for someone else.

    *Lesson here: he is the type that will ALWAYS be looking for the next best thing.

    Yes you only had one date (however he amped it up to not just-one-date by saying all those wonderful things). Also, yes he is free to date because numerically it has only been one date however he should have the decency to not cancel FOR someone else. He should keep your date and go out with the other person a different night. This is basic common sense etiquette. The problem for me here is not that he is dating others, it’s that he canceled his next date with you FOR SOMEONE ELSE. To keep clean and classy he should have kept his date with you (because he said and implied he really liked you) and dated the other person another night.

    I would call him out on it, but I would not take this person seriously ever. And I would call him out on it at the appropriate time.

    As for your friend (if I were the friend) I would proceed with the date, have you show up at our date shortly after it starts (or near the end whichever makes most sense) and we mistakenly “run into each other”. This is calling him out without having to say anything. He’s left there feeling awkward (which he should) and have the dialogue as such that I (the date) have a right to be upset with him and we friends leave together leaving him alone at the scene.


  12. Ss16 Says:

    This is the reality of online dating – a genuine connection rarely happens. Yes, you had a great time and I don’t think he lied when he said he thinks you’re great. I have had enough exhausting dates to know that this is the norm – you had a great date. He followed up and then disappeared. I had a date a week ago – went great. I liked the guy and he followed up and said let’s do a second date. I thought great. Guess what – he didn’t bother telling me he wants to “reschedule” until 1 day before, when I texted him to confirm. Having been in too many situations like this, I don’t even get hurt anymore. I just assume that in the online dating world, you can’t take things too seriously.

    If a guy I met in real life and has constant contact with him (i.e. being friends first and then started dating), I would’ve been more hurt. But this, it sadly is the norm. I wouldn’t even bother calling him out – just move on to the next. That’s why I now do online dating super sparingly. But I think your friend playing a little trick to help you get him back wouldn’t hurt – maybe it’ll teach him a lesson, maybe it won”t, but it’s fun to watch!


  13. Speed Says:

    So the OP’s awesome sting operation worked out and she exposed this villain. Now, all she has to do is dox him by adding his name to the “s-itty men’s list” as another “male liar.” I’m sure that will improve both her love life and the world generally.

    But I don’t see this guy’s actions as so nefarious. This guy said of a lot of nonsensical, fantastical things on a first date, went home, changed his mind and/or saw something better, and chased after it instead. That kind of person is probably about 92% of the online/offline dating world, so how could the OP possibly be surprised?

    So the guy told a weak white lie to cover himself, but this lie was too thin to stand against the OP’s network of informants and investigators and information systems forensics.

    Was this a guy a flake and/or a fantasist? Seems so. But this could’ve been ascertained on the very first date, without the OP having to commit so many follow-up resources to monitor this guy. As has been said by other commenters here before, anyone who is so over-enthusiastic/gushing on a first few dates is suspect.

    The reason is that you just can’t know a person that well over a few dates. You can feel very good around them, enjoy their conversation, enjoy them in the bedroom, even. But terms like “amazing” or “I see a future for us together” or “you’re special” or “exceed expectations” only make sense after a few months, minimum, not a few days or weeks.

    In a best case, this type of excessive enthusiasm risks a crash when your partner sees you as you really are, warts and all. Then, they need to move on because “you’re not who they thought you were” and “maybe they never loved you at all, really.” Or they are just Neverland dreamers, and you were a shiny new toy that grew dusty so they need something else.

    I’ve experienced both types of “over-enthusiasts” so I’ve come to treat these kinds of women as people wearing red-tinged yellow flags.

    It’s great to have a few great first dates, even if nothing more comes from that. However, if someone is gushing about bringing you home for the holidays, you can be almost certain that they won’t be. All amusement park rides end, usually quickly.


  14. Noquay Says:

    I’d say the OP learned who this dude really was, albeit accidentally. I understand wanting to meet others but do not understand acting super enthusiastic then using your own child in a lie. Actions and words should be aligned. Write him off but take the higher ground and don’t confront. Liars will either try and defend themselves or lash out; don’t subject yourself to either.


  15. Yvonne Says:

    I remember this old letter and probably commented when it was first posted. I do remember a time when a few of my friends and I were all online dating at the same time and it wasn’t all that unusual to be contacted by the same man as one or two of my friends, At the OP’s age, I can imagine that many of her friends might be online, so I don’t think she had to set up a sting to ensnare him.

    But what ever happened to honoring your commitments? If you make a date, you show up. If you can’t meet another “prospect” right away, you meet them when you can, even if it’s a few days off. You don’t shove the first person (who you claimed to be so enthusiastic about) aside because your attention span is so short.

    Her date concocted a lie to make himself sound like a good guy fulfilling his parental responsibilities. Finding out that someone set up a lie that would be hard to question to get out of a date they’d initiated with me would put them on pretty shaky ground.

    Personally, I am hesitant to date anyone who cancels for any reason, especially at this early stage of the game. More than one cancellation is a no-go for me.


  16. Josh Says:

    Look, this happens on both sides. Let me give you an example. Me and my friend often match with the same women. I know this because he tells me about the women he is meeting and gives some details about his dates. When he tells me this, I’m somewhat disappointed that I have this “competition” with my friend. I’m also disappointed that these woman are also seeking out options other than me.

    And I’ve heard out other guys telling me stories about their dates with women that I have also met. Networks can be quite small, and most people will end up dating each other and kissing and telling.

    Welcome to the competitive dating world.

    But as Moxie, says, I’d be none the wiser if these people never told me. I know for a fact that quite a few men tell stories to each other, and women do so as well to each other. Maybe it is bragging or competition.

    I avoid this altogether. I don’t tell other people about my dates and I work hard to cross over into new dating networks to avoid dating the same women as my guy friends. If I learn this is happening with my dates, I don’t make a big fuss about it. I just take this as information upon which to understand the bigger picture about the person I am dating and whether it has potential.


  17. Speed Says:

    A lot of the commenters here seem to be implying that ghosting, fading, cancelling, lyng etc. were all invented by the Internet, and prior to that time we all lived in an era where people “followed up on their commitments” and “did what they said they’d do.” Apparently, we were all Victorian-era ladies and gentlemen until this bad old Internet came along.

    I don’t’ think this sort of belief has any real connection to the realities of the past. “Bad dating behavior” probably dates back to the Stone Age. In high school and college (way before the Web), I certainly remember plenty of no-shows, late cancellations, changed minds, and less-than-polite behavior on dates. Girlfriends who started to prefer a friend or classmate over me, and so on. I imagine for women it was the exact same thing.

    Maybe for the “hottest/richest” people it was different but then again they had their own intra-league competition. Certainly, the Net may have sped things up, but humans have been doing bad dating behavior since we were in caves.


    • Parenting Says:

      The internet didnt spawn sh*t dating behavior, it just allowed people to act like sh*ts with social impunity thus making it far more rampant, imo.


      • Selena Says:

        I wonder if it is the “options” mentality. As in, bad dating behavior doesn’t matter because of the perception that everyone is maximizing their own options at all times.

        “So what if I break a date if I see something I might like better.”
        “So what if I lie – it’s not a crime.”
        “He/she would do the same thing to me!”

        Everyone has options online or off. But who likes feeling that they are just an option? Easily disposable.

        Ofcourse there have always been *daters behaving badly*.
        But I wonder if there is something about meeting online, that makes some people feel free-er to be deceptive than they would had they met in another way.


        • Parenting Says:

          I definitely agree that part of the driver is the sense of limitless options, but I think also the fact that unlike in real life, you dont have to answer to anyone for your behavior online. If its a IRL date, you were probably introduced by a mutual acquantance, or met in a place you frequent like work, gym, bar, coffee shop, etc… thus there may be social consequences tl acting a jerk. Additionally, if you met IRL, you probably spent some time socializing before taking things to the level of a date so you are more likely to have a greater level of investment then in an online dating situation. Thats my two cents worth of analysis anyway.


          • Selena Says:

            Yes, that’s what I was thinking when I wrote about people meeting another way. People who meet in an offline setting may have friends, acquaintances, colleagues in common, liable to run into each other if they frequent the same places. There might be a greater chance of lying, shabby behavior, being discovered and talked about.

            “Bob? Yeah, he can be quite charming. He can also be a real jerk to women who date him.”

            Which is why I wonder if there is a perception of anonymity of meeting through the internet that makes some people feel unaccountable for their actions.

            To use the letter as an example: *Jennifer and I don’t know any of the same people. She’s never going to find out I lied about taking my kid trick or treating because I wanted to meet someone else and canceled a date with her. So that makes it okay.*

            He knows he’s not that interested, but offers to reschedule to keep her as an option until something better comes along. That’s just online dating – nothing wrong with it.

            Or so some folks would have us believe.


  18. Coffeestop Says:

    So it is okay for her to date other people but not him? If she was not super attracted to this man she would not care if he went out with her friend. If she feels so wronged by him she should not go out with him again not call him out. It was one date she is butt hurt because he said a bunch of bullshit to her that she believed. Always assume people are dating others in the online game and either accept it or take a break. I think the OP in this scenario is just into drama and enjoys creating scenarios.


  19. Parenting Says:

    I’d get over it and kick him to the curb. In the course of meeting and dating someone, you can go through a lot of different feelings for that person. Maybe you think they are amazing one minute, meh the next, then you realize you want to soend the rest of your loves together…or not. I wouldnt (in an objective sense) hold being more interested in someone else against him. However, as a subjective and emotional human being, I would probably kick his arse to the curb. Why would you want to play second fiddle this early on? Anyway the choice is yours and theres no right or wrong here.

    Im not sure why your friend is “pissed”. Havent we all done something like this because something we perceived as “a better offer” came along?

    Something exactly like this happened to a friend of mine. A girl he was dating for a month found somehow found out he was also dating her childhood friend concurrently, got very upset and ditched him. His reaction was 1) that was a weird and embarrassing coincidence, 2) that he didnt care because he wasnt all that attracted to her anyway, and 3) that he was glad that someone that unhinged self selected her way out of his life.

    Just tell your friend to shoot him a note saying she cant make the date because she will be hanging out with you. In my opinion, that would be pretty funny.


    • Parenting Says:

      I just remembered how it happened. He stupidly friended both of them on facebook and the one woman noticed the other on his friends list and asked how he knew her high school friends sister.


    • Zaire Says:

      Depending on how the scenario played out how was she unhinged? She has a right to be upset…


  20. Rita Says:

    He told you he thought you were great. He is a jerk, he lied to you, lead you on.
    Don’t see him again.
    He is so rude.


  21. Zaire Says:

    I have a friend this same scenario happened to. She asked a guy for exclusivity after 3 dates (I know right). Only to find he was still online through her friend. He replied to and attempted to set up a date with said friend. I told her she should forget it but she insisted. The guy gave her an STI (she still forgave him) and he eventually dumped her, all in the span of 2.5 weeks.

    Now, are all people dating around horrible liars with zero regard for others. Absolutely not but I tend to think people (generally) behave in accordance to the outcomes they seek. Someone genuinely interested in you wouldn’t cancel on a sure thing with you to test the unknown with someone else, even if they want to keep their options open. They’ll keep the commitment with you and work the other in. If you really like them you can close your eyes and ears to what’s going on but I would recommend not getting your hopes up. Personally it would be a no go for me. If someone I had been seeing a few weeks canceled I’d be mildly annoyed but probably get over it. If it’s someone I dated once who I know was trying to go out with another prospect I’ll pass, you can have it. The Internet was lukewarm.

    Another thing, anyone who says you’re amazing and gives all these effusive compliments after a single meeting is doing it for selfish reasons. We like hearing nice things and these compliments help endure you to the giver keeping your gaurd down. The reason OP is even considering giving it ago is because he artificially boosted her ego allowing her to believe the date went better than it probably did. He’s just playing the game.


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