I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since my teens. These days, I have those issues under control though I may have days when I feel overwhelmed and get headaches. I’m on medication in low dosage, and see a therapist twice a month.
This does not mean I am some crazy psycho. I spend each day trying to understand myself more so I could combat my issues. I take care of myself by eating healthy and exercising. I even meditate sometimes to sort things out. I may have issues, but they do not control me. I may have bad days, but not on a regular basis.
It seems a lot of guys refuse to date any woman who is on psychiatric meds or in therapy. I was always aware that my problems will turn guys off, but it seems so few are willing to give such a woman a chance. I used to delay revealing my issues until after several dates, but now I feel I need to mention it early on. Before, I used to think it was too personal to tell a guy about my meds and all, but now I don’t want to waste my time with someone who’ll turn out to be judgmental.
Part of my problem is that I have daddy-issues. My father and I have always had a difficult relationship, and I can be kind of guarded, and then needy once I relax. This doesn’t mean that I hate men or I’m an emotional wreck. I think I simply require a certain type of guy. A lot of guys ask what kind of relationship I have with my dad, which makes since because it says a lot about you. I usually answer that we have our days when things are not easy. I don’t want to be that woman with daddy issues, even if I do, but I don’t know how to properly answer that question.
I would just like advice on how to navigate the dating scene when there are aspects of me that make guys run in the opposite direction. I would like to have a relationship with a stable, decent guy but I’m aware that kind of a guy would be hard for me to get.
City: New York
State: New York
It seems a lot of guys refuse to date any woman who is on psychiatric meds or in therapy.
I disagree with this. I think, especially in NYC, taking meds and going to therapy is actually very common. I can’t imagine anybody here in Manhattan being so thrown by this information. What I can envision is a person being a bit concerned that a near-stranger has decided to unload all their problems on them on their first couple of dates.
A lot of guys ask what kind of relationship I have with my dad,
This, too, feels off to me. Really? Guys quiz you on your relationship with your Dad? Is that how the conversation goes? Or do you maybe bring up your Dad, possibly give off the impression that it’s a contentious relationship and the guys pick up on your cues and ask questions to be polite?
If you have your depression under control, then what’s the big deal? I’m sorry to be dismissive but depression and anxiety aren’t all that rare or scandalous. To me, it sounds like you actually want to be treated with kids glove about all this. There’s really no reason for you to tell someone you’ve just begun dating that you have to take medication. If your issues with depression or anxiety actually compromised your relationships or made them difficult, then I could see opening about and revealing this information. But if you’re taking care of yourself and following a doctor’s advice, then I don’t see why you would feel compelled to share this.
I’m thinking that your challenge isn’t the fact that you suffer from anxiety and depression. I’m going to guess the problem is in the way you present this information. If you use it as an excuse to explain why you get needy them yeah, a guy is probably going to bail. Not because you’re on meds but because you’re needy. You’re trying to find a connection between your mental health and why men appear to abandon relationships with you, but I’m not sure there is one. It could be as simple as you get unnecessarily insecure and cloying. Is that related to your anxiety? Possibility. But not definitely. And that is certainly treatable. It’s quite possible you’re just really needy for constant validation and confirmation of a man’s interest. You can be sure that will send most guys running.
What I hear in your letter is, “I’m really complex. How do I get men to understand all the intricacies involved with me?” The problem with that is that you’re really not all that unique. You seem to be defining yourself by these extremely common mental health issues. You speak like you’re not stable when you are. You’re applying the stigma to you. Not them.