Question: I have a situation with a man (I’ll call him the “busy guy”) that I met in August. We had about 4-5 dates before things got “rocky” to say the least. He was on summer recess from college when we met and he also works full-time. He told me everything up front, including how he’s just getting out of a nasty relationship with his ex who cheated on him, got pregnant by the other guy, and unexpectedly abandoned him for the other guy…Come to think of it the busy guy is carrying a lot of emotional baggage and doesn’t seem to be over a lot of women he’s dated in the past…
Anyway he told me up front that things would become really hectic for him once school starts back in September and that he’s not looking for a serious relationship right now…He even told me to date other men…
I was crushed by that since I really liked him…Plus I thought that we were starting to get serious given all the futuristic talks we had about marriage, how to raise our children, etc….He showed me his family album of pictures and told me so much about his family that I feel like I’ve known them all my life. We even discussed having unprotected sex with each other (after we both got tested together of course).
But I did respect his wishes and continued to date him and other men. A few weeks ago I was on a date with another man and we attended at party. This “busy guy” was also there which was strange because he never parties in Manhattan and he doesn’t know where to go in the City (I usually tell him where all the hot spots are). I couldn’t help but think that he was following my Foursquare check-ins on Facebook and decided to show up at that party…
I was standing on the dance floor holding hands with my new date and the busy guy walked up and literally snatched me away from my date and gave me the biggest bear hug ever. I really didn’t know what to do so I gave busy guy a hug back then pulled away from him so we could have a quick conversation. Instead, busy guy pulled me closer towards his body and started rubbing my waist and back and admiring my body. All this happened in front of my new date who just stood there dumbfounded.
We chatted for awhile then busy guy left and said he’ll be back later to dance with me…But later never happened because my date whisked me upstairs to the VIP area and wouldn’t let me come near busy guy for the rest of the night.
Meanwhile, busy guy texted me and asked me where I’m at so he could dance with me. I could see that he was looking all over for me. Finally busy guy looked upstairs and saw me dancing with my date. We were standing on the balcony overlooking the downstairs dance floor where busy guy was standing looking enraged and heartbroken. Busy guy stood there in the middle of the dance floor for at least a half hour just starring at me and my date dancing!
Later that night I texted busy guy and told him I was in upstairs VIP and asked where was he at but all busy guy did was reply back “Yeah I saw you up there…”
A week later I texted busy guy again just to say hi and to tell him that I missed him but he never texted back. He usually texts back within a couple hours.
I really like busy guy but I think he’s angry with me because he saw me out on a date with another man, which is crazy because he told me to date other men in the first place! I haven’t heard from busy guy in 3 weeks now…But busy guy hasn’t deleted me from his Facebook page yet so maybe he’s just “busy”.
What should I do or say to get busy guy to talk to me again? Or should I just let him go?
You have futuristic talks with Busy Guy? Like, about how robots were eventually going to run the world and stuff?
I’m sorry to open with snark, but this story is all kinds of ridiculous and melodramatic. Put a boom box in Busy Boy’s hands while he stood in the middle of the dance floor watching you on that balcony and it would be like a mash up of Say Anything and She’s All That.
Elle, the guy doesn’t want you. He told you as much. Now you’re creating a storyline in your head of how this guy just couldn’t let you go and was following you around the city with his heart in his hands. Unless you were staring back at him for those 30 minutes, too, you have no idea what he was doing. Sure, maybe he glanced up at you a few times. But stood their watching you for half an hour? Monitors your Four Square check in? (Ok. I’ll give you that one because I actually had that happen to me once.) You need to stop watching so much TV.
You were on a date with someone else and completely disrespected that guy while you played out some After School Special in your head. You know why he didn’t respond to your texts? He’s not interested. But rather than pay attention to all the warning signs that this guy is hand delivering to you, you’ve decided to pursue him anyway. Not sure that anything I say here will resonate with you. Personally, I’d let this guy go.