Comment: Hey guys, so I have a little dilemma with a guy I’ve been seeing. I met him back in July after hanging out for a weekend with mutual friends we exchanged numbers started talking via the phone. I went to friend request him on FB as I was on his page I noticed he had a girlfriend listed. So I didnt say anything to him at first ( I didnt want to seem like a stalker or as if I was playing CIA spy). Being that its FB he could of very well not updated his profile in some time I let it go. I told a friend of mine about what happened she asked me to check his instagram page. I am not one for snooping around but I was curious to see if he indeed had a GF maybe he was just trying to get into my pants.(I have been burned many times before so my guard is up at all times.) SO with the help of my friend we found his IG page saw pictures of him the same girl from FB posted from 2 weeks ago. Now I had already asked him if he was single he told me yes. After finding all this out I decided to proceed with our first dinner date we had planned. I asked him again, over dinner, to his face, if he was single. “Yes I am” he replied. I kept him around for another week seeing if he would come clean after speaking everyday he still claimed to be “single”. Finally I called him out on it. He claimed I was playing detective had no idea what was going on.I never spoke to him after that. Later on I found out from a mutual friend that at the time he met me he was on a “break” w his current GF. They had got into a fight thursday night he went out friday to “clear his mind” thats when he met me. So now its December thru the same mutual friends I see him at a party. He pulls me aside apologizes to me saying he was sorry blah blah Me being nice I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt I decide to give him one more shot. We hit things off right away. He takes me to great restaurants, movies, etc. However I have caught him in a couple white lies that has me thinking. For example, he lied to me about when the last time he sold drugs was. ( He was an ex-dealer claimed he last sold in 2008) when in fact it was in 2011. Then he lied to me about why he had lost his drivers license didnt get a new one. We have been dating since December we already went to Miami together in late January. I thought this was too soon but being that our mutual friends were going also I decided ok. (I would of not gone just me him so soon) He also talks about marriage kids meeting his family I think hes moving too fast. I sometimes feel like hes trying to “trap me”, I am 30 years old, a registered nurse , I have my own place make my own money. Hes 28, lives at home works for his fathers company, so the fact that he wanted to make me his gf after less than 2 months of dating I find a little weird. I would appreciate any input. Thank you!
Hes 28, lives at home works for his fathers company, so the fact that he wanted to make me his gf after less than 2 months of dating I find a little weird.
That’s what you find weird? That is probably the least concerning aspect of this story.
Here’s the narrative going on in your head:
You’re a woman who has had a lot of bad luck in love. You have your guard up, have a hard time trusting men, etc. You are not the type of person to snoop or do any kind of unnecessary recon work on the men you meet. You’re a nice person which is why you give people who lie to you a second chance.
Here’s the reality:
You’re attracted to bad boys. Your guard isn’t up. You trust pretty easily, and usually trust the wrong person. Saying that your guard is up and citing all your past disappointments is supposed to make people feel sorry for you and sympathize for you rather than suggest you have really bad taste in men and are probably a little desperate.
Here’s my take on this:
This guy is a drug dealer with a criminal record. A record you found when you weren’t playing detective. He’s anxious to get out of his parent’s house, so he’s trying to get you all buttered up so you’ll take him in. You clearly don’t trust him and never have. Yet you continued to date him despite having caught him in numerous lies. You’re not concerned that he wasn’t to make you his girlfriend. You’re not unsettled by how quickly he appears to be moving. You’re unnerved because you know he has an agenda.
He accused you of playing Nancy Drew when you confronted him with a lie because he knew he was caught. Remember what I said a few weeks ago about paying attention to how someone reacts when you criticize them. If they turn it around on you, they know the accusation is true to some degree and are trying to change the subject and make their accuser feel insecure.
The only reason he profusely apologized that night at that party in December was because he knew he needed someone else to suck off of as he continued his shiftless life. Lucky for him that you’re so easily impressed.
I’m not sure what you’re looking for here. You admit you’ve caught him in multiple lies. You know his life isn’t terribly stable and that he has dabbled in illegal activities. You continued to date him despite all of this. So what is it that you want to hear? That he’s shady? You know that. It’s not that you think he’s moving too fast. It’s that you want to believe that it’s all real and don’t want to be played for a fool. Again. Oh wait. Again again.
He is trying to trap you. Walk away. Eventually this guy is going to sucker you into taking on the burden that is him. You have your own life, reputation, career and financial situation to consider. This guy will slowly begin to creep into all of these areas of your life and ruin them.