Author : KC
I went on a date last night with a guy I met online. He suggested dinner and I thought it was a very gentlemanly thing to do. The date went fairly well – conversation flowed, he was extremely complimentary, telling me I was far more stunning than my posted pictures and he was shocked at how well we seemed to click. We discussed family, jobs (both have great, well-paying jobs) and aspirations.
Near the end of the meal, he asked when he could see me next - again telling me he was thrilled with his first impression and excited to see where this may lead.
I was flattered and also a bit excited.
BUT…when the bill came, he sort of reluctantly took it and then asked me for HALF… I must have turned white – I was so shocked. I of course handed him the cash and then a quick hug and bee-lined for the door.
I made the mistake of giving this bozo my phone number and now’s he’s a texting maniac – asking when we can see each other again. I don’t want to sound superficial but I am so turned off by this tacky behavior (dinner was at his suggestion and I am a very generous person and would happily pick up future tabs). How do I tell him to take a hike and hopefully teach him a little something about how you treat a lady?
Advice would be most welcomed – Thanks!!!
He reluctantly took the bill because, possibly like you, he was having a really great time and he was looking to see if you would offer to contribute to the bill. See, that who pays test works both ways. Unlike you, he’s willing to brush it off and give it another go.
Here’s what your real question is: How do I swallow my pride and accept a date with this guy again without looking desperate or losing my power? If you truly had no interest in seeing him again, his texts wouldn’t bother you. You’d simply reply back and tell him something suddenly came up and you won’t be seeing each other again. People who complain about all the pestering texts they get from folks aren’t really griping. They’re bragging. You, love, are bragging. So accept the date and move past this, because you know that’s what you want to do. How much more does he need to do to woo you? He agreed to dinner on a first date, something no guy does. The conversation went well. He showered you with compliments. You got the majority of The Girlfriend Experience. Which, frankly, I see as a red flag. Not sure how genuine this guy is. For that reason alone I’d want another date.Experienced guys know that dinner on a first date is a no no. So he’s either inexperienced or disingenuous. Only time will tell.
Was it as simple as he “reluctantly” took the bill or did he sit there and watch you steadfastly refuse to even pretend to want to pay your share. If I were confronted with that sense of expectation and entitlement, I would probably do exactly what he did.Who the hell is anybody to expect me to spend my money, money I work hard for, on them just because they agreed to meet me for a meal?
First dates aren’t all about the man working to impress the woman. It’s about both people trying to make a good first impression. You don’t seem at all concerned that maybe you failed the test. Because you did. While many women will turn to friends or the internet to complain/brag about their date with the cheap Unicorn, most men will just chalk it up to poor communication. They might even make a judgment call that the woman is possible spoiled or entitled. They don’t crowd source the experience. They decide to either file that away and give it another go or to blow her off and move on to the next.
Maybe by asking you to help pay, he was trying to teach you a lesson about how to treat a guy.