City: New York
Comment: I’m one of the many on this site (as it seems) who has been enjoying (or not at times) what it’s like to be somewhat young, single and in NYC. Overall, I’d have to say I’ve enjoyed my dating life in this city. Sure, there are some people who have burned me and, yes, I’ve had to had some nights spending money on weirdos and/or people who are socially off but that just comes with the territory. I’m thankfully not bitter about the whole process.
I’ve noticed something consistent about a lot of women (particularly the older ones, age 28 and up). I was wondering if you also come across this in your day-to-day relationship/dating advice giving. Many women I encounter like to claim they are “traditional” in that they need the man to make the first move, set up the date, initiate conversation, etc. While I used to accept this, it now seems that “being traditional” is more of an excuse people use when they want the other person (i.e. the man) to do all the heavy lifting in the beginning. To me, it essentially says something along the lines of: “You must bend over backwards and prove your worth to me and, should I deem you acceptable, I suppose I will start putting in a little effort of my own.” In fact, a girl was telling me she was traditional last night and I said, jokingly, “Oh, so, you need the guy to do the heavy lifting right?” Without missing a beat she said, dead seriously, “Yes, exactly.”
I really wonder if this is the reason why many women find dating in this city to be so hard. Sure, I realize there are plenty of pump-and-dump guys out there and, hey, I’ve been guilty of doing that as well. However, I think a lot of men (myself included) get to an age where we’re just too exhausted to chase someone down. Perhaps I suffer from my own arrogance in that I don’t want to convince anyone they have to like me but, is it really out of line to ask women to put forward SOME effort at the beginning and not continually fall back on “being traditional” as an excuse for just being romantically lazy?