Name: Sticker Shocked | | Location: Washinton, DC , DC |Question: Hey Moxie-So my boyfriend of 4 years has made a few hints and he is shopping for an engagement ring for me for my birthday. He went online last night and he showed me a couple of different styles he was looking at. He was on the hush, hush because he wanted to keep it as a surprise. Well today I get this text message that said “I am still in sticker shock at how much the ring I want to get you cost…WOW” I texted him back and said..how much is it and he texted back…the one he was looking at was $4,000. Is it just me or would you get your feelings hurt/pissed over that message. I know 4K is a lot of money, I know that. He did say that I was worth it and he would do what it took to get the ring for me but now I feel like the whole thing has gone sour.I thought his comment was tacky, there are so many women that would totally laugh at a 4K engagement ring, I don’t really care how much it cost but don’t bitch at me about it. Thoughts?? Pissed or not pissed? |Age: 30′s
He really did take the bloom off that rose, didn’t he? His comment about the price of the ring was inappropriate and a complete buzz kill. Was he trying to make you feel bad? I don’t think so. I think he was just being a bit clueless. Or he was intentionally trying to mislead you to maintain some element of surprise.
Maybe it’s me, but I’d want the whole thing to be a surprise. Yeah, that’s the 22-year-old in my that still hangs on to that fantasy of the romantic proposal. I guess that’s naive.
For all you know, he’s totally yanking your chain and bought you a different ring and is trying to throw you off. But when you get frustrated or upset about this situation, remember this. You have a guy that is pledging the rest of his life TO YOU. While lots of women might complain about a 4K price tag, there are just as many women who secretly wish they were in your shoes.
I’ve never been a big jewelery person. I do, however, relate to and understand the excitement over seeing that ring for the first time. To me, that ring represents a promise. It makes a statement of intent. It does not, however, inform me of my worth or my value. I really dislike this idea that a piece of jewelery is indicative of my contribution to a relationship or society. You can’t put a monetary value on that. Suggesting that a man buy you jewelery, or that you should buy it for yourself, so you can be reminded of how great you are or how much you “deserve it” really rubs me the wrong way. It reeks of entitlement. It also perpetuates this stereotype that women are all materialistic. Buy those items because you love them. Not to prove something to yourself or anyone else.
The greatest Christmas gift I ever received from a man was a $2.00 card he bought for me in the lobby of our building were we worked. To this day I have that card in a scrapbook of sorts next to old photos of us. Those are the items I go back to when I want to be reminded of what it feels like to be cared for and matter to someone. Not a necklace or a ring. I don’t need to be reminded of Marilyn Monroe or some other starlet or some sitcom character. I don’t want to be them. Know why? Because they were all either emotionally tortured or fictional.