Name: Rita
Age: 42
State: NYC

I’m curious as to how other women in their late thirties to forties fare on Match and OK Cupid?

Up until 6 months ago I had a fair amount of success with my profile.  Things have really slowed down in the past 6 months. (More on OKC than Match.) I’m getting far fewer responses and encountering  alot of men who make plans but don’t follow up or stop responding. It wasn’t like this last year at this time.

I know things slow down for a woman once she hits 40 but I was still having a relatively good amount of success up until a few months ago, even after I turned 42.

I was wondering if anybody else had the same experience.

I’ll say this. I’ve noticed, ever since OK Cupid changed their search capabilities and user now have to scroll down the page instead of clicking through each individual page, I’ve had fewer views and replies. Having to scroll down one continuous page is arduous. Sometimes I end up skipping a whole section of profiles unintentionally.

Also annoying with OKC is that, even if you update your profile every day, it still gets buried very quickly. One day I sat and hid profile after profile because I was seeing the same faces every, single time I did a search, and in pretty much the same order. I strongly urge people to create a new profile every couple of months if they’re using OK Cupid. It’s the only way to get maximum exposure. Once you’ve been on that site for a couple of months, your profile is virtually non-existent. Few people are scrolling, scrolling, scrolling through hundreds of profiles. They’re just doing multiple searches and sorting by different criteria.If you want to meet someone on OKC, you have to be proactive. Otherwise nobody will even know you’re there. I like the site, don’t get me wrong. I’ve had great luck with it. But it required real effort and a lot of filtering. Free sites will always attract a higher number of time wasters than the paid ones. Get familiar with that Hide button, folks. It will save you a lot of time and frustration.

OK Cupid has started offering events, too. I guess the way it works is that users RSVP for various events using their profile. Once you pay for the event, you get the user names of people who have also pre-paid or RSVPD. I’m curious to see how that works. I know Match tried that years ago and it died a pretty quick death. My question is why these sites are now offering off line events at all. Obviously, it’s a revenue stream. So there’s that. But I wonder if they feel as though fewer people are actually taking things offline and so they are trying to encourage users by offering non-commital/low pressure ways  to meet.

Obviously, your age does have something to do with it. I think when men say they’re open to meeting women over 40, what they really mean is that they’ll meet a woman over 40 who is hot. They aren’t meeting average looking 40somethings when they can meet equally average looking/hotter 35 year olds or younger.

As for the Flake Factor, yes, I’ve noticed that as well. There does seem to be a lot more people on there who are ambivalent about the whole process or who will only meet people they perceive as ideal in some way. They don’t care if they waste your time. They aren’t committed to the process. There are also a lot more people on that site who are only in town temporarily, visiting or here for work for a few months. OK Cupid has become some kind of sexual/romantic hostel.

If you’re looking to casually date, then lower your age. Just don’t go crazy. OK Cupid is mainly a short terming dating/casual sex site. Obviously, the guys who say they’re just looking for long term relationships will be annoyed that you shaved 2 or 3 years off your age. So don’t contact them if you do lower your age and be honest if they contact you. If you’re looking to date multiple people and just have fun, then change your age. At the end of the day, it won’t matter and those guys won’t care. Just understand that they likely won’t care because they don’t have any serious intentions towards you.

If you are looking more for long term commitment, then go to Match. I’m sorry to say that many of the men on OKC that are over 40 are a mess. They’re overweight or unkempt with very little polish. (Yes, I know, so are many of the women. Noted.) It’s slim pickens over there. I honestly wouldn’t waste your time pouring over profiles on OKC if you’re looking to seriously date men in their mid to late forties. (I recently came across a profile that I so, so SOOOOO wanted to dissect here, but won’t. Here’s a teaser – he expounded on how great his ejaculate tastes. Good Christ.)

I’ll let readers tell you their experience with Match, as I don’t use that site.