Question: Hit it off with a guy, met him through a mutual friend. Had great chemistry from the moment we met. He would want to see me all the time, hung out with him almost every other day for the first month. He even introduced me to his best friends, had great/fun times. Then one night he happens to go out partying with MY friends and I, so they naturally asked him- what he thought about me and if we were exclusive. And because I like him for his honesty, he replied to them saying- “I have only known her for a month, so I dont know yet.” 2 days later at dinner with just him and I, he decided to be “clear” and asked me if I knew that we weren’t exclusive, and that he wants to keep his options open (as we had already discussed when I first met him). Because we are both at that age, where we want to meet “the one” and settle down…Things were going great for a month in a half and after we had this dinner, his phonecalls became few and far between, texted very little, and I saw him probably twice going into the second month of dating him. I still get texts/phonecalls from him once/twice a week asking me how I’m doing/what I’m upto, etc. He even told me, that he is distancing himself because he does not want to be attached to me, because he came out of a long term relationship, and it hasn’t even been a year. Now given, the type of job he has- he does travel at least once a month. But this is the same guy that in the first month wanted to see me ALL THE TIME, and we had great fun! So my question is: Did he get cold feet? does he really like me? will he come back around? what should I do?
Then one night he happens to go out partying with MY friends and I, so they naturally asked him- what he thought about me and if we were exclusive
No, not “naturally.” That’s not what most people “naturally” do. We typically learn not to ask such personal or pointed questions about someone’s relationship in high school or even junior high. It’s rude and inappropriate. Before you go defending your friends for “looking out for you” let me clarify something. I don’t think your friends intentionally sabotaged you. In fact, I don’t even think your friends thought about you at all before they performed their little inquisition. They weren’t thinking of you. They were thinking of themselves, and now you’ve paid the price.The status of your relationship is none of your friend’s business, and you should be royally pissed that they would even ask such a question. That is, if you didn’t know they’re were going to ask. If you somehow got them to do your bidding, you screwed yourself.
The conversation with your gal pals made him wonder just what you’ve been telling them and what your expectations might be. That’s why he put on the breaks.
Because we are both at that age, where we want to meet “the one” and settle down..
I’m confused. I thought he said he wanted to keep his options open? How does that then translate into “we both want to meet the one?” Methinks you’re processing everything he says through your own filters. Just because you might have said to him that you’re looking for something serious or are ready for “the one” and he agreed doesn’t mean you’re on the same page. I’m sure he would like to meet “the one”…eventually. But not at this very moment. You heard what you wanted to hear, I’m guessing.
He even told me, that he is distancing himself because he does not want to be attached to me, because he came out of a long term relationship, and it hasn’t even been a year.
He doesn’t fear getting attached to you. Break-up, schmake-up. If a man meets someone that he really likes, he’s not distancing himself for fear of “getting too attached.” That’s female logic. That is either how you interpreted his words, as many women are wont to do, or that was his way of trying to tell you – without telling you – that you were just a pit stop.
This guy likes you. He just doesn’t want to be serious with you. He fears you were getting too attached. At this point, that is not what he wants. If he did want to be with you in any capacity other than casual, he would be. The fact that he introduced you to his friends and vice versa means nothing. Say it: it means nothing until it means everything.
A man who tells you he wants to keep his options open isn’t just being honest. He’s all but sending out a memo that says, “You’re not the one.” A smart guy who didn’t want to ruin a good thing would know NEVER to say something like that. You have to acknowledge something. This guy chose to enlighten you on how he feels. Most men wouldn’t do that. They’d just go along until it no longer worked for them. This guy didn’t do that. He made it a point to have a difficult conversation with you.
I would write this guy off as a loss. If he comes back around, he comes back around. Right now, he fears you’re going to want more than he’s interested in giving. Once a guy has that concern, there’s little any woman can do to alleviate him of that.