Comment: I’ve been in a long distance relationship for nearly two years. We get along really well, but have some issues to work through like lack of communication and some sexual incompatibilities (he’s less experienced and isn’t familiar with foreplay, as a result he hasn’t been able to make me orgasm yet). He isn’t good with communicating when we are apart and doesn’t call or text to check in. As a result I feel like he’s completely out of my life when we are apart. He’s the same way with most of his friends and family, so I know it’s not just me: and he shows that he cares about me in many other ways when we are together. I’ve brought up both issues but he always falls back into old habits within a few days, and it’s hard for me to bring up the sex issues when we only spend a few days together at a time.
Whenever I brought up the future of our relationship he says that he’s interested in the long term, but he still hasn’t made any definitive commitments. I can’t move to where he lives because it’s a smaller city and I wouldn’t find work there: but I am willing to move anywhere else. His job allows him to work remotely, so he could move anywhere.
I’m getting to the point where I’m frustrated with the distance, and because of the lack of communication between visits I don’t think I can do the on-and-off thing much longer. It feels like I have an amazing relationship for one week a month and that I’m single and sexually frustrated the rest of the time (without the option of dating or having casual sex, something that I’ve been quite accustomed to when I was single). I also don’t want to put on too much pressure and sometimes wonder if I’m being too selfish and impatient. I’m interested in a long-term commitment and eventually starting a family: he’s expressed that he’s not adverse to kids but that it’s not something he thinks about often. I haven’t been able to get a “yes” or “no”, but I’m feeling that we’ve been together long enough that I need to either move forward or move on.
Is this relationship really worth it? You don’t see each other that often and he doesn’t communicate or keep in touch on a regular basis. Even worse, he doesn’t satisfy you sexually. I don’t get it. What are you clinging to?
It sounds like you know this isn’t working but you’re just afraid to cut the chord. Maybe you don’t want to let go unless you know you have a soft place to land, so to speak? You seem to be choosing to stay in this holding pattern, maybe out of obligation, maybe out of fear. I’m not sure of the exact reason. I think you need to have a very blunt talk with this guy about where you stand and what you need. But then, you’ve done that. And things haven’t changed.
You’re delaying the inevitable. Stop doing that.