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Have You Been a Victim of The C*ck Bomb?

December 19, 2012 by 6 Comments

If you’ve been online dating for a few months and you’re a female, no doubt you have experienced the Cock Bomb. A Cock Bomb is when a man sends you a picture of his erect penis. Sometimes it’s out of the blue. Other times it comes on the tail end of a conversation or chat that has turned sexual. Either way, it’s not nearly as confusing or concerning as many women like to make it out to be.

As crazy as this might sound, some men just like the idea of showing strange women their penis. Before the internet, these men would hang out at parks in trench coats. Now they just sit in their boxer briefs, chub up and click send.

Here are some things to understand about the C*ck Bomber:

 

1. He’s TRYING to offend or shock you -Don’t try to decipher the method behind the madness of the C*ck Bomber. He doesn’t care if you’re put off. He wants a reaction.

2. He doesn’t necessarily find you attractive – The sub-text of any dating blogger’s “I just don’t get why men send me pictures of their penis” posts is, “Look how desirable I am!” Ladies, getting an unsolicited cock shot is not a compliment. It has no connection to your hot quotient. If anything, it usually means – sorry – that you’re not hot. Collecting pics of hard penises and comparing them when you’re out with your little gal posse for cocktails is the equivalent of a bunch of men whipping it out to see who has the biggest dick. It’s a contest to see who has the most and who has the best. And it’s sad.

If you find these types of solicitations gross and offensive, then it’s probably a wise idea to avoid chatting and texting off of the dating site. It’s definitely smart to abandon the conversation once any mention of sex comes up. I realize that some men just get a thrill from messaging a woman a shot of his penis or like to post profile pics of their oozing shaft to their dating profile. But some other guys are looking for more than just a reaction. They’re looking for stroke material. They’re hoping, with their not at all sexy or arousing dirty talk, that you’ll gladly join them in a virtual wank date. That’s it. You might as well be a Real Doll.

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Filed Under: Awkward, Get Women, Just The Tip, Kinky, Oral Sex, Servicey 2, Sex, Sexting, sexuality, Signs of Interest, Single Women Give Horrible Dating Advice, Social Media Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

How Do You Know That Your Privates Are Private?

October 20, 2012 by 17 Comments

I had a brief back and forth with Petite Provocateur (@LaProvocateur) on Twitter yesterday. We were debating  a point in this article.

And, when it comes to making porn together, Spencer Burnett recommends that this only happen in an incredibly trusting relationship. This is because guys share everything (yes, that even includes those naughty little sexts that you send him late at night) so, eventually, your little movie session will get out.

There were a few points in this article that I thought were utter nonsense, but this was the main one. Maybe it’s because I’m an Old and most of the men I date are late thirties to early fifties, but I simply don’t believe that grown men do this sort of thing. My girlfriends don’t even discuss much of their sex lives with me and vice versa. I don’t know. I think there comes a point where you just no longer need the validation from peers. Since I keep all of my old phones and laptops, I still have sexts, emails and pics from past relationships/flings/hook ups. Other than an inane email exchange I had with someone from my past several months ago written with the intention of proving his innocence to someone else, I highly doubt such conversations are being distributed to third parties.

I see women on Twitter talking about cock shots and comparing notes/passing hem around. But in those cases those men who sent such photos want them to get out. They’re digital flashers. The send such photos with the intention of offending and shocking women so that they’ll post such pics to Twitter or show them off at their next cocktailing session. (See what I did there?)

Whether it’s physical or emotional nudity, if you put it out there, you want it seen. You want it discussed.You want the eyeballs. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t put it out there. We want the criticism and the adoration and the hate and the love. Pretending we don’t is disingenuous. I was reading a profile one on OKCupid. The guy decided that was the place to reveal that, when he was younger, his apartment was broken in to and he was tied up and abused by the burglar and was only saved because a visitor dropped by his apartment. (*crinkles eyebrows in doubt*)Then he adds that he doesn’t want to discuss this horrible situation on a date and asks that woman not ask him about it should they meet.Um..what?

Anyhoo, back to the original point.

I don’t believe that mature men share private or intimate details of their sex lives with their friends.

There was one other point that was brought up in my Twitter chat that I thought would make for interesting discussion.

My experience is to the contrary. I’m quite sure even my bf has shared a photo or two with his one closet friend.

ATWYSingle's avatar
ATWYSingle @ATWYSingle

Then you should break up with your boyfriend.

 

I’m not sure I’d be so calm if I knew my guy was showing his friends our sexts or pics we sometimes send to each other. That would make me feel like I was just something ornamental to him. Not functional. It could be that that is a particular kink (exhibitionism)  that both parties in a couple share, so it works.   Kind of like dating someone who likes being written about or discussed publicly. The writer fulfills their partner’s exhibitionist tendencies by talking about the partner in a public forum. I’ve always found that people who enjoyed that sort of thing were particularly self-involved and immature. That’s why I always turn down/avoid any guy who tells me, without me asking, that I can write about them. To each his own on that one. I’m sure for some it can work. It just never worked for me.

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Filed Under: Article Roundup 2, Date Like a Man, Dating, Red Flags, Sex, sexuality, Social Media, Texting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Decoding DTF Speak

August 22, 2012 by 16 Comments

Cruising for casual sex or casual relationships on the internet ain’t easy.  There’s a lot of decoding and deciphering that needs to be done.

“So…what are you looking for?”

To their credit, most men won’t just come out and say that they just want to have sex with a woman. They’ll hint.

Translation: Wanna f*ck?

That’s it.  There’s no need to analyze that. Even Socrates would tell you it doesn’t require that much thought. It’s very simple. They’re trying to direct the conversation towards what they want. They only ask a woman what she’s looking for so that she will ask the same in return. That way, the guy can make his admission without looking crass. It’s a strategic move.

Queries like this are especially common in online dating. People, men and women, tend to speak in a special language, avoiding any reference to actual sex. The ones who don’t are banking on people giving them props for their “refreshing honesty.’ Guys, especially. Women fall for that all that time.

‘Oh, at least he’s upfront about what he wants.”

You don’t understand. Those guys are either completely social oblivious or are being manipulative. They are preying on a woman’s desire to finally get “the truth” because those women are almost assuredly a Sure Thing.Women who offer up similar confessions in their profile come off as trying way too hard to sound “like a man” or “cool.” The funny thing is that both men and women tend to speak about their sexual desires in ways that they believe will turn on the opposite sex, but will actually turn off the people they seek. Men who refer to “toe curling’ sex and giving massages and women who talk about “fucking’ on the kitchen floor end up alienating possible lovers with such terminology or attracting the people they don’t want. A guy who talks about how “toe curling” the sex will be with him ends up attracting the woman who has learned everything she knows about sex from soft core porn and romance novels. Women who use crude references usually draw to them crude men. Keep that in mind.

“I think we’re looking for the same thing.”

Translation: Wanna f*ck?

Again, that’s a very straight forward yet round about way to respond to someone’s ad who makes it clear they’re not looking for anything serious. Keep that in mind, because that is how many people interpret a sentence like that.

Now, what if you’re dating online and you’re not looking for anything serious? How do you avoid all the possible emotional landmines?

Unfortunately, it’s very different for men and women. I’ve done numerous tests with profiles to try and gauge how successful being upfront really is.

For Men: The irony here is that women who repeatedly get faded on or pumped and dumped tend to find these guys endearing. Then, of course, they find themselves sobbing into their Merlot crying about how dishonest men are. Even when the men are honest, these women still manage to interpret their words incorrectly or give these men way too much credit. Guys who include a statement in their profile about not looking for anything serious tend to end up attracting the women who do want something serious, but think they can handle something casual. There’s really no way to weed those women out unless there is a glaring red flag or two in their profiles. I would never reply to a man’s profile if he only chose casual sex as an option. You know what you’re getting there.

For Women: It’s a crapshoot. It really is. Sure, you get several times the average number of responses. But most of them are from men that clearly can’t get laid to save their lives or who wouldn’t bother with you otherwise. There are a few stray decent options here and there. But that’s a lot of filtering. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work the same for men and women. Men can select casual sex as an option and probably don’t get as many lewd propositions. Of course, men are also less bothered by such messages. Women have to stick with short-term dating. If a man really wants to get laid, he doesn’t care if the woman ‘uses” him. Not so for most women. They don’t like the idea that a guy would sleep with them but not date them. Those are probably the toughest guys to spot because they tend to say all the right things. All you can do in those situations is go with your gut and your desires and decide ahead of time that, however things roll out, you won’t care. And if you’re truly looking for something casual, you won’t. Sadly, there really are no sure fire signs he’s never going to call again. Other than, of course, he doesn’t say he’ll call you. Then you know. But by then, it’s probably too late. There’s no point in asking if you will hear form him again because he’s probably going to lie just to avoid possible conflict and to get laid.

I don’t agree that men and women are judged differently for being upfront about wanting or seeking casual sex or a casual relationship. The women who see men who are that upfront as pigs will obviously judge the women similarly. Those women are sluts, desperate, etc.  I also think that even some of the more sexually liberal men might be taken aback by a woman who is that open about her desires. But then, that’s about their egos more than anything else. They want to believe they’re the ones who inspired the woman to turn “slutty.” It sucks that we can’t be honest. It really does. But that’s just how it is. You can try to be the one who breaks down that barrier if you like. Just be sure you’re okay with essentially using the lure of sex to get a guy’s attention. Because, that’s what many men will assume. Either that or they’ll assume you’re DTF. If you’re not, it’s best to leave such wording out of your ad.

So…do you use the internet to get laid? How? What were the results?

 

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Filed Under: casual sex, Dating, OKCupid, Online Dating, Servicey!, Sex, sexuality Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Any Port In a Storm – The Argument for Sleeping With Married People

December 8, 2010 by 42 Comments
Im going to throw this topic at you …multiple part question….and see how you tackle it.  :)
BEING SINGLE ..and SLEEPING WITH MARRIED PEOPLE.

Setting aside religious beliefs, Is it right ?  Is it wrong ?  Do you believe in the whole karma aspect ?
If you’re SINGLE and consort with and sleep with married people, is it preventing you from having a REAL relationship of your own ??  (Keep in mind, I am FINE with being single and happy.  I’m 38 and would LIKE to be in a relationship with the RIGHT person, but until THAT person comes along, I will keep doing what I’m doing  :)    )

Here is My theory:
My whole outlook about married women is: If I WANT to enjoy fucking so n so …and she is making herself available to Me …WHY not? Whether it’s only once ..or once a month, just like a good dinner or fine wine,  I like to indulge. :) :)

I can’t sit there and worry about HER marriage and why she feels the need to stray etc. Im DEF NOT the type to break up a marriage and DEF never have ..in fact, I feel my sleeping with these women HELPS their marriage.  Why?  Because they are obviously lacking SOMETHING in their relationship (not necessarily the sex)  So, if I provide whatever that may be and they are more content as a WHOLE.  They now go home and are happier people.  Miserable people tend to bail and break up.  Content people tend to hang in there.

Women make LOTS of mistakes lol ..BUT when a woman KNOWS what she wants ..she knowsss what she wants. She may not be able to UNdo (or may not WANT to UNdo the mistake of picking the wrong guy to marry..due to kids, finances, etc.) BUT she CAN choose who to fuck that makes her feel how she WANTS to feel. Enter: Me. lol  (..and I dont necessarily mean make her feel JUST physically …because when it comes to me ..its more of a connection that has nothing to do WITH sex …but eventually leads TO sex :) :) )

I look forward to hearing your thoughts, Moxie !  :)
~H

Okay, Andrew Dice Lay. I’ll take this challenge. :)

My whole outlook about married women is: If I WANT to enjoy fucking so n so …and she is making herself available to Me …WHY not?

This might not be popular, but I agree that you are not responsible for someone else’s marriage. You’re not the one who took the vows, they are. Do I believe in karma? Yep. I sure do. Listen, we can excuse it all we like. But we know that we are partaking in something that, if discovered, could destroy a relationship and someone’s ability to ever fully trust again. So while you’re not responsible for her marriage, you are responsible for your participation and the potential fall out from that. We tell ourselves whatever we need to, because usually we’re doing it for our own selfish reasons.

I feel my sleeping with these women HELPS their marriage.  Why?  Because they are obviously lacking SOMETHING in their relationship (not necessarily the sex)

I disagree with this. I think there are plenty of people – men and women – out there who cheat on their spouses for no other reason than they can and they want to have sex with someone else. I believe that many people are capable of compartmentalizing various aspects of their relationships and their lives. Meaning, they can engage in a sexual relationship with someone who isn’t their spouse and not feel guilty about it and, in some cases, actually feel entitled to it. They do it strictly because they want to. Their spouse could be servicing them nightly. They could have the strongest of emotional bonds. There doesn’t have to be a lack of  anything to compel some people to cheat. Well, that’s not true. What their primary relationship lacks is variety. Funny thing, that marriage. Traditionally it doesn’t allow you to screw other people.
I do agree that in some cases infidelity is a sign of trouble. There’s a disconnect somewhere. There have been studies saying that taking a lover can actually help your relationship. Personally, I think it’s because the guilt from cheating actually makes people remember why they fell in love with that person in the first place. They become so afraid of losing that person that they do what they can to rectify the situation – be more attentive or communicative, etc.  I feel that a lot of people who cheat want to get caught just so they’re partner will finally acknowledge and discuss the problems in their relationship.
Miserable people tend to bail and break up.  Content people tend to hang in there.
Wow. I totally disagree. When it’s between their own personal misery and the potential misery of their children or possible financial ruin, you’d be surprised how many people stick it out or try to fix their marriage.  You have a really limited view and understanding of marriage. Miserable couple stay together all the time. They just find work arounds to help them get through it.

If you’re SINGLE and consort with and sleep with married people, is it preventing you from having a REAL relationship of your own ??  (Keep in mind, I am FINE with being single and happy.  I’m 38 and would LIKE to be in a relationship with the RIGHT person, but until THAT person comes along, I will keep doing what I’m doing  :)    )

I think it depends on why you’re engaging in that particular relationship. If you’re in it strictly for the sex, then I don’t think it will prevent you from meeting someone else. That is, unless the sex is so good that all other sex pales in comparison.  If you’re getting something out of these relationships other than physical gratification, then yes, I think engaging in such arrangements will get in the way. These arrangements are placebos of sorts. They keep us going and convince of things that aren’t necessarily real or true. But we engage in these no strings situations anyway, knowing they might hurt us or keep us further from our goal. We get lonely, we’re lacking the stimulation and attention that having a partner provides. I’m certainly not justifying those instances where we get involved with someone who is taken. But loneliness is a powerful motivator sometimes. It can encourage someone to do just about anything if they don’t have the proper coping skills in place at that moment.

Women make LOTS of mistakes lol ..BUT when a woman KNOWS what she wants ..she knowsss what she wants. She may not be able to UNdo (or may not WANT to UNdo the mistake of picking the wrong guy to marry..due to kids, finances, etc.) BUT she CAN choose who to fuck that makes her feel how she WANTS to feel. Enter: Me. lol (..and I dont necessarily mean make her feel JUST physically …because when it comes to me ..its more of a connection that has nothing to do WITH sex …but eventually leads TO sex :) :) )

Just from reading your letter, there seems to be something about being The Go To Guy for these women that works for you. You like the idea of being their stud. So much so that you believe what they tell you.

Here’s the thing about people who cheat:

They lie.

They will say whatever it is they think will keep their side dish providing whatever it is that they want. Sure, maybe you’re giving it to them in ways their husbands don’t. Maybe you’re more well endowed. Whatever. They’re appealing to your ego because they feel like they have to. They know that’s why you’re doing it. It’s not just about the sex for you, I don’t think. It’s about the attention, how these women make you feel.

I think you want to believe whatever it is that makes you feel special to these women. You tell yourself, or maybe believe them when they say, that there’s something broken about their marriage. That way you can feel like a Savior of sorts. It could very well be that these women are married to men who are never around, who don’t pay them attention, etc. What you’re not getting is that they’re reaching out to you because they’re hurt. Or bored. Or horny. You’re just a port in a storm. Not so romantic or sexy when you realize it could be any warm body they’re lying next to, is it?

So this connection you say you form with them? It’s likely all in your head. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and their relationship with their husband.  You’re filler. They’re actions are reactions to how their husbands make them feel and not so much how you make them feel. To put it bluntly, you ain’t that special. In some cases, they don’t even realize that. Anything to keep them from feeling what they’re feeling or not feeling.

Don’t kid yourself in to think you’re providing something their husband isn’t. That might be the case sometimes, but not always.

That just might be how you justify doing it in the first place.

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Under One Roof

December 6, 2010 by 26 Comments

This was mentioned in a recent post and Ifeel like it got overshadowed by the bigger topic.

I keep hearing stories about people who dated for 3, 6, 9 months and then decided to live together. Which, to me, seems fast. But then everything has been sped up, hasn’t it? The courting process, the dating process, engagements. We’re not waiting around anymore. I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or not. It used to be that people moved in together because they believed the relationship would be permanent. It seems like now people move in together because it’s convenient. Maybe it will work out, maybe it won’t. Is this a sign we’re less commitment phobic than we were or just more lackadaisical? Or is it the economy. :)

For me, living together is a step towards long term commitment. But it seems like many people nowadays live together out of some sort of convenience. A few months ago we discussed the phenomenon of how couples in the middle of a divorce who live with their exes under the same roof.

Are more people living together simply for financial reasons? Because they both live bust lives and living together allows them to spend more time together? or as a trial run for something more long term?

What are you reasons for living with someone?

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