The most dominant men in some ways are also submissive and passive in other ways. Many are insecure which makes them aggressive or dominant, because without the control, their insecurity would be laid bare. Some hide it better than others. The whole alpha beta crap applies to the animal world where males physically battle one another. Humans did not gain an over-complicated brain that sends spaceships to the plants which is an overkill for African survival based on physical selection. Our ancestors were women who were brilliant and chose brilliant men. Some artists, some explorers, some thinkers, etc. That gave us humans the strength. By choosing based on your alpha beta logic, you are choosing a monkey who has not evolved, as most alphas we see in social circles are unevolved uncouth monkeys to begin with.
So get over your categorization of men into two categories. You encounter passive-aggressive men hiding their passive aggressive nature early on because you are choosing the wrong men. Pick men who are secure within themselves, and aren’t trying to impress you with a facade they paint for you to see.
What that means is that instead of waiting for the man to do everything, you take initiative. If you like a man, ask him out. If you want a date to go a certain way, tell him about your preference early. He’s not inside your head. He does not know what you need or what you think, unless you tell him that or unless you want to start dating women. So don’t just sit around coyly and prettily and wait for your knight in shining armor or your prince to rescue you from yourself. If you want something in life, go for it! You pick the men who are secure and you will have a great life.
And one last time, stop calling men or women alpha or beta as it reflects your own immaturity in understanding people. – Megan
A friend just sent me this article this afternoon. The funny thing is that I actually have seen the OKC dating profile of the guy who wrote this. He admits that he’s a writer for Match.com. I went to find it today so I could talk to him about this piece, but his profile is down. Womp Womp.
Anywhoo, the advice in it is fine. Unfortunately, the problem isn’t the advice but how many women will interpret it.
1. He loves that you indulge at dinnertime. Yes, he likes that you aren’t a vegan or calorie/carb nazi. But let’s not assume this means that he thinks it’s oh so sexy to indulge frequently. Not sure many guys want a woman who eats melted cheese off a plate and then polishes that off with banana pancakes. We’ve spoken about the weight issue before. The more prominent issue for men and women when it comes to dating someone overweight isn’t just the aesthetics. That’s a factor, of course. Few people will admit that they don’t want to date someone overweight because it makes them sound shallow. The real concern is the health and self-esteem of the person. An extra 10-20 pounds on someone who eats well and regularly exercise is a lot more tolerable than if the person sits on the internet all day and shovels ice cream, burgers and beer down their gullet at every opportunity.
2. He loves your occasional outbursts.“Hearing a woman use profanity out of context gives a guy a shock of adrenaline,” explains Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of Be Honest — You’re Not That Into Him Either and DSI: Date Scene Investigation. “Men like women who can be tough and assertive, and as long as she doesn’t take the talk too far, it’s a positive thing.” Ok. But can we talk about what “taking it too far” means? Because I’m pretty sure what many women will take from reading this part is “he loves it when you rant and curse.” Yes, many men like to see their woman get worked up. Just..not at them. Important disclaimer. Not at them. They also aren’t so much turned on by a woman who “puts someone in their place” [read: threatens to kick someone in the balls] as they are, well, scared. It’s all in the delivery. A woman can be downright terrifying without ever having to raise her voice or curse. See Devil Wears Prada and watch Streep’s performance in that film. She doesn’t yell, screech or even curse. Her tone is even and calm and she looks people right in the eyes when she eviscerates them. Chilling.
3. He loves that you aren’t a neat freak. “Guys love a woman who’s not trying too hard,” explains Dr. Kerner. “Most men think a pair of boxer shorts and a ratty old T-shirt around the house is your most attractive look.” So don’t spend hours choosing the perfect date-night outfit or getting your place in House Beautiful-worthy shape, because men love you just as you are — in your comfortable, slightly sloppy glory.” No, seriously…where’s the camera? Yes, guys like a woman who isn’t always polished and primped 24/7. And every once in a while she looks adorable in his t-shirt and boxers. But not all the time. This piece pretty much tells women to stop trying to impress her guy. And if there’s one thing men really dislike, it’s coming home to a living room or kitchen that looks like a tornado just blew through it. Bottom line? Men like women to make some effort. It shows they appreciate their man and want to keep him interested. I found the comment about the over-abundance of hair products amusing, as I’ve had guys comment on the number of hair products that crowd my bathroom shelves and usually fall on the floor when they reach for the mouthwash. What a lot of men wonder when they see all this stuff is..”So, um, this isn’t natural? This takes a lot of ..um..effort, huh?” It’s not a fireable offense or anything. It just takes away some of the mystery.
4. He loves your extra padding.Sure, you’ve heard that men love women with curves, but how about those extra pounds you’ve been trying to sweat off at the gym? There’s a good chance that your guy loves them, too. Just ask 26-year-old Nick: “My girlfriend exercises regularly, but I think the little pudginess in her thighs is sexy because it shows she’s not perfect.” Uh huh. Like I said. The extra weight is more tolerable if you’re actively and noticeably taking care of yourself. Something tells me ‘ol Nick wouldn’t be so enamored of his GF’s pudgy thighs if she sat on the couch all day. And let’s define ‘hour glass figure” since the articles states that men are most attracted to women with such a body type. Studies show that men are drawn to women with a healthy waist to hip ratio. Hourglass figure is not defined simply by having boobs, a waist and hips. If your hips spread wider than your shoulders, that’s not an hourglass figure. That’s disproportionate. Possibly even greatly overweight.
5. He’s fascinated by your knowledge of the things you’re passionate about. A man becomes fascinated by whatever it is that gets you all hot and bothered — regardless of whether or not he shares the same interests. Now this I agree with.I get turned on listening to a man talk about something that gets him pumped. His confidence and his passion are highly arousing. I would assume the same goes for men. But maybe that’s my vajajay talking.
6. He loves a good head rub from you. Don’t get me wrong — men love it when you grope their erogenous zones. But that’s not the only type of touch they crave. I agree with this part, too. Not sure the head rub is the way to get him turned on. But, hey, different strokes for different folks. Back, shoulders, face…guys do like to be touched just as much as women do. They like to feel desired in the same ways women do, and one way to communicate that is through touch.
I think most dating advice geared towards women is written in this tone. The author never wants to alienate their audience. Especially a dude. I have always said that men write stuff like for one of two reasons – a paycheck or to get laid. Pieces like this blatantly pander to women’s insecurities and egos for a reason. Unfortunately most women don’t understand that.
The gold in most dating advice is in the subtext. That’s how most dating advice is delivered. The real advice is in the underlying message and implication, not in what you’re actually being told.