Hey it’s “the dumb girl” from the blog that was mentioned in this article/comments. I finally did talk to my ex and get at least some closure. I just updates my blog about it, so check it out! Whydoesthishavetobecomplicated.blogspot.com – Portia
Since you decided to come back and post an update in the comments of one of our posts and invited us to catch up on this drama, I’m going to take this opportunity and run with it.
I’m torn between wanting to rant at you and wanting to hug you and tell you you’re better than this and this this guy is a joke.
Hon, he’s mocking you. He’s literally chuckling at how fucked up you’re getting over him.
Reading that post and hearing you admit how you – multiple times – grabbed his arm to talk to him while he was out with his equally oblivious girlfriend made me cringe.
He very well might be “afraid” of you, but only because he doesn’t want you to blow up his spot and reveal your side of the story. He’s going to do everything he can to make sure you never have access to that girlfriend. Here’s why…he’s painted you as a loose cannon. He’s afraid that you’ll tell her what a liar he is. He’s likely manufactured a whole fake drama complete with a multitude of lies. You’re the crazy girl who is obsessed with him. And to some degree he’s right. I’m sure you’re not unstable or dangerous. But you’re pissed. The guy was a disingenuous phony who said all the right things and you believed him. And now you’re stuck feeling bad about yourself for believing his lies while he’s off enjoying his life. Your obsession, so to speak, isn’t so much with him. It’s with wanting him to acknowledge that he hurt you.
Here’s the problem. He doesn’t really know nor does he care why you’re so hurt. He’s never going to really know why he hurt you. In his mind, you’re just jealous and bitter and whatever. That’s what he’s telling his girlfriend.And she will believe him because she wants to.
He came back to that party because he and his girlfriend got into a fight (probably) and he wanted some attention and possibly some sex. And he knew exactly where to go to get it. You. You, the girl who followed him around at a party (yes, you did) desperately trying to get him to notice you. It’s quite possible that he wanted to smooth things over because he feared you might reach out to his girlfriend. I’m telling you…everything he does, he does for his own self-serving reasons.
This guy you’re stewing over? He’s a child. He likes the attention. He’ll go home and tell his girlfriend that he went back to that party to smooth things over with you because he thinks you’re nuts. I can assure you that he has her sufficiently bamboozled. Every “John” does. They cheat on girlfriends and create dramas and say all kinds of rom com inspired things. Hon, he wants you to hate him. That way he can feel better about himself and go home and brag to his girlfriend about how fucked up he made you. He’s not going to tell her the truth. He will tell her a sanitizied version of events. He’ll throw himself under the bus ever so slightly to make it sound convincing. He’ll probably even forbid her to reach out to you saying he thinks you’re volatile in some way. That’s only because he has something to hide.
He’ll justify his cheating by saying how unhappy he was and how he regretted it and felt horribly. But he will not tell her the truth. Even if he does, she’ll forgive him because she thinks she’s different. And maybe she is. Maybe she is the one woman who can make an otherwise lacking in character guy a “better man.” But consider this: when you’re starting off at a negative, the improvement curve is rather small. Meaning he’s never going to be a “better man.” He just won’t be a complete asshole.
We’ve all had our “Johns.” This guy will pop in and out of your life in various ways. He’ll extend apologies one week and then do something hurtful the next. He might even find a way to stay connected to you. That’s what “Johns” do. Do not mistake that as being a complimentary gesture. It’s not. If he does watch you or check in, it will be to see if you’re still hurting. Because “Johns” get off on that. That’s what mine did. And when I figured out that he had been creeping around here and my Tweets for way longer than I had realized, I felt even worse about my decision to ever get involved with him in the first place. I knew he was a cheater and a liar. I knew who he was. I got what I deserved.
I’m writing this because I don’t want you to feel that kind of shame or embarrassment. This guy doesn’t care a lick about you. He will lie and and toy with you because he only cares about himself. Any pain he might cause will only be magnified if you believe a word he says now.
I know you’re going to do what you want. I realize that. But just promise me that you’ll at least keep this in mind the next time he comes around. Because he will come back around. “Johns” always do.