“Women have a very strange habit (from a man’s perspective) when giving advice. Men ask women what men can do to make them attractive to women. Women think of a man they are attracted to, and then think of how they wish that man would act and/or treat them. This is the answer to a totally different question than what the man asked, and it produces disastrous results. This is why every man who ever asked a female friend, his sister, his mother, etc what he should do to make a woman like him gets the same disastrous advice:
1) Be nice.
2) Buy her flowers/gifts, etc.
3) Pay attention to her.
Women are mistaking comfort for attraction, and these are entirely different things. A man a woman isn’t attracted to won’t build attraction by doing things which increase comfort. In fact, he will do the opposite; instead of becoming more attractive to her he will come off as creepy. Men need to first generate attraction, and then they can build comfort with the woman.”
From what I have seen, this is true. But if these women are giving the answer to the wrong question, how can we get an answer to the question we asked? What is the answer to the question we asked?
I’ll say this….just the mere fact that you are asking the question makes me think you are lacking the one main ingredient necessary for attraction – confidence. There really is nothing more unattractive than a man who seems whiny and wishy washy and desperate for female approval.
In preparation for our recent Online Dating Teleclass, I looked through a ton of male profiles. One profile in particular stood out to me as the classic example of how to turn off any woman in a 10 mile radius.
“Yes, I really am 42 years old.”
“Yes, my pictures are real.”
“Yes, I really am 5’10″..I know some guys lie.”
“If you’re doing XYZ you’re not for me.”
It just went on and on and on, with the guy sounding more and more insecure. The horrible attempts at being witty, the self-deprecating commentary, the disclaimers. His insecurity and lack of confidence was pervasive. I didn’t feel drawn to him, I felt bad for him.
Then there was another guy’s profile with the polar opposite approach. His profile stated, quite plainly, that he was over meeting useless women who where just looking for attention. He warned women not to reply to his ad if the were self-centered or dumb, adding that he was extremely picky so you better bring it.
Now, which profile do you think is going to get more responses? If you said the second guy, you’d be correct. That guy, I have no doubt, is getting a ton of scathing emails from women telling him what a douche he is. And I’ll bet he’s wooing at least a few of them and convincing them to meet him off line. And those women will do it because “they’re curious.” That guy will get more attention and probably get more dates, which I’m guessing is all he wants. It may not be the best approach, but I’ll bet any amount of money he’s getting more activity from his succinct, arrogant, overly douchey profile. Were he a schlub with a beer belly, he’d probably just get blocked and ignored. But he’s not. What he is is confident in what he wants and what he believes he deserves. His perception of his worth is likely grossly distorted. But the sheer fact that he let’s it be known that he has no problem alienating women will up his attractiveness factor.
You’re asking me what women find attractive. I can tell you to dress well and be funny and have a good personality and have a good job, etc. But then you’ll probably say, “But…I have all those things!” What you probably don’t have is The Attitude. To quote Damon from Fast Time at Ridgemont High…
The attitude dictates that you don’t care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin’. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.
That guy in the second profile? He has The Attitude. It’s a douchey attitude, but it’s The Attitude. You need to develop a similar mentality and not put so much importance on getting female approval. Once you stop trying to figure them out and meeting every whim and demand and you just start being confident that you’re doing the best you can and that you’re a good guy with a lot to offer someone, you’ll be better off.